#maybe because I was desperately lonely or bored or some other third thing at the time

[insanechayne]

~ ~ ~

[ash5monster01]

hey, could you do a neil perry x fem!reader where he (and maybe the boys) comfort her..maybe she’s ill/period or even just a nightmare.

it’s okay if not !

Sick Days

Pairing: Neil Perry x FemReader

Warnings: fluff, mentions of being sick, language

Summary: Being sick is easily the worst thing that can happen at Welton but at least you have the absolute best friends in the world to make it better, especially your caring boyfriend.

word count: 1.1k

Masterlist

Nothing is worse at Welton than being sick. Being sick was guaranteed to put you behind in classes, get other students to avoid you at all costs, and keep you from spending time with your boyfriend. On top of all of this, you also had your period. Nothing was more demeaning than being the sick girl at a mainly boys school with your time of the month tagging along. So even though you weren’t a very emotional person you had found yourself softly crying in your dorm bed after the nurse had told you to stay on bed rest for the rest of the week. What a load of crap.

The other bad thing was if you missed classes absolutely everyone knew. You were more than likely the talk to the school by third period because absolutely nothing else of excitement ever happened here. So while you were locked away in your dorm room everyone got to gossip about your absence. Which was how Neil had found out. He had confirmed the information with your roommate who had been given permission to sleep in another dorm until you had recovered. If he knew you like he thought he did you were no doubt heartbroken that you now had to die of boredom alone in your dorm. You’d rather go to class and that was saying something.

So with this information he devised a plan. One his friends help set in motion considering they all loved you just as much as he did. They snuck out of their dorms often for Dead Poets meetings in the old Indian Cave so what could it hurt to sneak out and hold a very silent meeting in your dorm. Neil knew you’d be awake, upset and bored to death from having to spend the entire day alone with piles of homework dropped off in your dorm. So it’s no surprise when he opens the door to your dorm and your head lifts from your bed at the small creaking noise that came from it. “Neil”

“Hey baby, how’re you?” he whispers out, heart aching for you and how sick you look. Your covers are wrapped tightly around you and your face is quite pale. The bed infront of you is covered in the homework you must’ve been actively working at, desperate to keep yourself ahead even if you are sick. He doesn’t miss the way your lip quivers at his question and he feels guilty for asking. “Oh honey”

Neil doesn’t care about getting sick, he sits beside you in the bed and pulls you into his arms. It was his job to comfort his girl after all, so he kisses your head, and holds you while you softly cry into his chest.

“I hate being so secluded” you tell him with teary eyes and his eyes soften towards you as he uses his thumbs to brush them away.

“I know, it’s the worst. Which is why we’re here” he tells you and your eyebrows furrow in confusion as he says we’re.

“Did the boys come too?” you ask and Neil chuckles and nods before pressing one more kiss to your face before he gets picked on for doing so.

“They didn’t want our best girl being lonely either” he says as he stands and goes back to the door. Your heart clenches from him leaving your side, needing him close to you. He opens the door and you’re met with the smiling faces of each of the boys who file into your room, some sitting on your roommates bed and the others on the ground.

“Hey guys” you smile widely at them, the whisper falling from your lips.

“Hey doll, feeling better?” Charlie is the first to respond, his signature flirty smirk on his face.

“I am now” you tell him as Neil comes back to sit at your side, arm wrapping around you.

“Our first silent meeting” Neil whispers to the group and the boys whisper hoot and cheer which has you giggling lightly into Neil’s shoulder.

“Should be easy for Todd” Knox teases and you all silently laugh at the blonde boy whose cheeks have now burned red.

“Impossible for Charlie though” Cameron adds and Charlie kicks the boy with his foot from where he sits on the bed which instantly has the red headed glaring at him.

“Alright, settle down gentlemen. Let’s take a look at our refreshments” Meeks says, reaching into the pockets of his coat and pulling out mountains of snacks him and the boys had collected. Your stomach grumbles at the sight, thinking of the chicken broth and crackers you had been brought for both lunch and dinner. You were practically starved.

“Oh Pitt’s, please pass me a cookie” you call out and the tall boy obeys, plucking a cookie from one of the snack piles and leaning over to hand it to you. You smile thankfully at him and stuff half the cookie into your mouth.

“Someone seems happy?” Neil teases as you finish the cookie and you smile at him.

“So happy, I wish I wasn’t sick so I could kiss you right now” you tell him and the boys quietly ooh which has Neil waving them off.

“I’ll be waiting the moment you get better” he tells you and you smile softly at him, wishing you could show him how happy he has made you. You vow the moment you are better you’ll kiss the shit out of him.

“Okay lovebirds, let’s get this meeting started” Charlie says a touch too loud with the clap of his hands and the boys instantly shush him. He holds his hands up in defense and Neil chuckles before pulling the book out of his jacket. You watch him fondly as he reads the opening statement and when he finishes you place a kiss on his cheek.

“We can leave if you ever get too tired or don’t feel good” Neil whispers to you and you shake your head, looking fondly over each of the boys.

“No, stay. I want you all to stay” the happiness of the others surrounding you being the only thing to make you feel better all day.

“Even if Charlie reads a stupid poem?” he asks and you chuckle and nod.

“I’d actually prefer it” you tell him and he grins, eyes also glancing at his friends who were so good to come and help cheer you up. The only girl he has ever loved.

“Then we’ll stay, until you feel better” and you nod, content with that answer and content with the friends you were so lucky to have.

“I want you all to stay forever”

[mslanna]

New Room Who Dis?

Chapter 11 of Be My Guest now up on AO3

In which nothing much happens and that annoys Tav a lot.

The House of Hope fills up again with devils fast. Tav sighs about it and complains to Haarlep but there is of course nothing to be done. One Hell is conquered – that leaves eight to go. Raphael also hasn't made good on his promise to repeat their intimate encounter at a more leisurely pace.

Tav managed to steal fleeting touches and a few kisses, but the answer is always the same: soon. They wonder if the devil will draw this out so long that they will again be reduced to such hunger that a minute was all it took.

It is a mean-spirited thought but Tav has second-hand memories they want to experience first hand. So they visit Haarlep instead who is optimistic as ever.

"Five out of eight arch devils offered allegiance and tribute to our dear cambion already," the incubus muses. "I wonder how many he will accept. At least for a while."

Tav doesn't have to ask any longer if Raphael would go back on his word and invade an allied level of hell. He can't fight them all at once, so divide and conquer it is, if piecemeal. Also, one of the arch devils is Mephistopheles and he has to die.

"What do you want to do when this is over?" Tav asks. "What do you want to do that is not sex," they correct immediately after.

"I don't know."

"You don't know? There has to be something."

"I never thought about it." Haarlep shrugs. "It isn't important."

"But, supposed you get out of here. One day. What will you do? Open a sex club?"

"You have the best ideas." The incubus' eyes light up. "Dark and damp, full of greed and unbridled desire. It will be delicious. Of course I have to be careful about the bodies. Can't have them connected to my club."

"Life is easier if you don't kill people," Tav agrees.

"But also boring." Haarlep throws themself onto their back in a theatrical gesture.

Tav wants to argue, but they find themself suddenly armoured up. "The third in as many days," they sigh. "Somebody is getting a little desperate. You'd think they'd learn."

"Not a chance." Haarlep sits up. "Like your precious self, every adventurer counts themself the exception. Unfortunately for them only you are."

"You say the sweetest things." Tav laughs. "Maybe I'll send one your way again. Raphael may be too busy to notice."

"Whenever you're ready. My lips are sealed." Haarlep winks and Tav strides to the foyer.

The killing isn't so bad. Word got around that The Tav Themself was guarding the door and the strategies were wonderfully entertaining. And after a party of five came through with blazing weapons and spells, Raphael granted Tav command over a handful of cambions that they can call on in the blink of an eye.

They were not the most efficient lot and they refused to agree to anything resembling practice, but they did draw fire. Plus, they came from a different hell so killing them just made them pop back into existence a little later a lot angrier.

Today it's a lonely halfling who considers invisibility sufficient to sneak around.

"Really?" Tav asks as they block the incoming blade. "Sometimes I am tempted to send some of you back only so you can tell the other to come up with something challenging."

But of course they cannot do that. Raphael will throw a hissy fit. And nobody wants that. A minute later the body of the intruder sails over the nearest balcony and Tav returns to their room to armour down.

The only thing that annoys Tav about Raphael barraging in when they have their trousers halfway up and their shirt still open is that he doesn't immediately close the door behind him. It takes a very pointed look for him to get it. Maybe because he wasn't looking at their face much.

Tav pulls up their trousers but stops halfway closing them. With their hands lingering at their crotch, Tav tilts their head at the staring devil. "Something I can help with?"

Raphael takes two long steps into their personal space and runs a finger from their stomach up to Tav's throat. "Very much so. Unfortunately, you will have to come along."

With a sigh, Tav finishes dressing. At least they get to manhandle the devil’s hand for a moment. "Lead the way."

They follow him down the corridor and past the library where a new staircase leads down to the dungeon. While it is nice not having to climb a slippery ladder, Tav doesn't know what they are supposed to do down there. Does Raphael have new prisoners? And if so, what has that to do with them?

But the dungeon is not a prison any longer. A cavernous room stretches out towards a throne that looks tiny at the far end. Four door are set at both sides of the long walls and seating accommodations are scattered in the hall. Tav spies no less than five new portraits of Raphael, and once again none catches his actual countenance.

"It may seem a little grand at the moment," Raphael says, "but once I rule all nine hells, it may well be too small. Let me show you around."

With his hand at the small of their back and one wing carefully draping around their shoulders Tav has little choice but to comply. Not that they wouldn’t agree to be toured through the hells themselves held like that.

"A council chamber for war council and a staff of advisers," Raphael explains the first door to their left. Opposite is a room with tables and chairs for refreshments and networking. Next to the throne a smaller study is furnished with a central desk and shelves laden with books and scrolls. It is made to look intimidating and with a devil occupying the imposing chair, it may as well. Tav is not impressed until Raphael discloses that, naturally, all rooms are soundproofed.

"For obvious reasons," he adds pouring oil on the fire of Tav's imagination. "And lastly," he throws open the door right of the throne and Tav stops in mid-stride. It doesn't do anything because they are in the firm hold of Raphael who simply moves them inside.

Because that is what it is. There is a fireplace (fire already burning) comfortable chairs a few book shelves and a desk. The window opposite the door looks over a balcony and to their right. Tav swallows. Out of the line of sight from the door, the room expands into a bedroom with cupboards, chests, a stand for armour and everything one might want for personal use.

The bed is at least as big as that in the boudoir, sheets of a darker red like died blood. Tav takes hold of one of the four posts raising a blood-red canopy and scrambles into the middle. There is noway they can hope to touch any of the edges from their position.

Tav looks at Raphael who stands back, waiting for a reaction. As if climbing onto the bed first thing wasn't one. They shake their head. "I like it. Spacious." Also, gilded within an inch of free space, but that is just the devil's taste. "Suits you."

And soundproof. Tav bounces the mattress tentatively. The devil approaches slowly, a question on his face Tav hadn't answered yet. The human looks around trying to find clues.

"Your armour is not here yet," they say the first thing that comes to mind. "Is it in maintenance?"

"That stand is not for my armour," Raphael replies.

It takes an ungodly amount of time for the words to sink in. "For me?" Tav almost squeaks. "You want me to move in here?"

"I will be spending a lot of time down here," Raphael replies. "I will like having you near when you are – resting."

It makes sense. Tav is most vulnerable when they are sleeping. The House of Hope is already full of devils, soon it will be overflowing. "Does it have a shortcut to the library?"

"Not yet." Raphael considers for a moment. "Anything else?"

"No more visiting Haarlep in my shape." Tav folds their arms. "I get up in the middle of the night to kill intruders, I get to get up in the middle of the night for sex. You wanna fuck me silly, fuck me silly. Got it?"

Raphael raises an immaculate brow, but a smile plays on his lips. "My, my. You are possessive, are you not?"

"Maybe you like memories of Haarlep getting ravished in your shape to linger all over you all day long," Tav snaps. "I do not. And since you are going to do the ravishing, I don't see why I shouldn't get to be actually ravished."

"Be careful what you wish for." His eyes strip Tav naked, barely stopping before the skin comes of. "And Haarlep will be disappointed."

"I will deal with Haarlep," Tav grins. "They like me."

"If you believe that." Raphael shrugs but his smile is indulgent. "I leave it to you."

With that he turns and leaves Tav alone in the vast room. Sitting in the middle of the huge bed, they feel inexplicably lonely.

[rogueyami]

Haikyuu!! Fic Recs

I love reading fanfics, and I have so many bookmarked that I want to share. Hope you all enjoy and give these writers all the love. All of these are completed works, and they are a mixture of one shots and multi chaps.

Kagehina

where the night goes by bigspoonnoya (M)

Summary:

When their bond loses the immediate context of volleyball, they're left to consider why it's still so vital and important.

Meeting again, by chance, six years later.

Somewhere to Belong by Esselle (E)

Summary:

Once a year, all the villages that follow the way of the sun offer up one of their own to be taken to the sun god's divine temple. Kageyama Tobio, an orphan and loner, never wanted to be chosen—and until the sun god appeared, no one ever wanted to choose him, either. All Tobio wants is to find a place he fits in. What he actually gets is another story entirely.

by this time next year by reeology (T)

Summary:

"I got offers from two universities," Kageyama announces, pointing at his chest with his thumb. "I'm going to play volleyball at Keio this spring."

"You still have to pass an exam, even if it's an easy one," Takeda-sensei hurries to add, although he is beaming and bursting with pride at his fluffy little crow chick taking off to play volleyball at a university level.

"I'll pass," Kageyama says with the same kind of confidence he uses when he tells Hinata he'll get the toss to him. He looks straight at Hinata, and Hinata jerks and turns red, wondering if maybe Kageyama knew he was daydreaming about something as stupid as the way Kageyama talks to him during a game. But then Kageyama just points at him and says, "You'd better get in, too."

Hinata, stupid, naive, idiot that he is, grins wide and nods and says, "Yeah!"

He doesn't know what he's in for.

Not Alone by seconddaysea (E)

Summary:

"I'll visit you," Hinata says. "So you're not allowed to get lonely, you got it?" He turns so they're facing each other, hands warm against Tobio's back. "I'm already lonely," he replies quietly, and he presses his face against Hinata's heart, squeezing his eyes shut, because if this is a dream he doesn't want to wake up.

maps, from me to you by tothemoon (T)

Summary:

This is a (non-chronological) account of the memories they make out of millimeters.

Iwaoi

we can do better than that by spaceburgers (M)

Summary:

Oikawa and Iwaizumi go on a road trip during the summer after their high school graduation. It doesn't go as expected, but maybe that's not such a bad thing after all. 

we shine like diamonds by whiitemists (T)

Summary:

Oikawa is nine when he first hears the word. The boys on the playground whisper it like it's dirty, like the way they daringly mutter the word fuck and then look over their shoulders to check their parents hadn't heard.

"You know Abe-kun from class?" they snicker, hands cupped around their mouths like they're passing along a filthy secret. "I hear his older brother is... gay."

here comes your man by newamsterdam (T)

Summary:

Iwaizumi’s left his cell phone on the bench, and while Suga keeps his gaze away from Iwaizumi the phone lights up with a new message.

Iwa-chan, it reads, Have a good day today! Good luck! <3 <3 <3

Suga chokes. It’s hard to imagine anyone calling the scowling and fierce Doctor Iwaizumi ���Iwa-chan.” But marriage probably comes with all sorts of liberties.

Mrs. Iwaizumi must be quite the doting wife, Suga thinks. Delivering hand-made bentos and sending along loving messages.

No one really knows much about the new surgical resident, Doctor Iwaizumi, other than the fact that he's married. Suga's determined to find out more, and make a friend of him in the process.            

just hear me out by loveclouds (T)     

Summary:

To stimulate Japan's low birthrates and take most of the guesswork out of dating, a beeper system was biologically developed in people's wrists, an audible confirmation to show romantic compatibility.

Iwaizumi's beeper has been going off for Oikawa since they've been kids. Oikawa's has only ever been silent.

 Call Security! by DeathBelle  (T)    

Summary:

Oikawa Tooru is attractive, charming, and irresistible.

He thinks so, anyway, until he meets the mall's new security guard.

In which Oikawa has a crush, Iwaizumi has no interest, and a chain of shoplifting incidents brings them together.

Bokuaka

(Don't) Touch Me by DeathBelle (E)         

Summary:

Akaashi has always had an aversion to human contact, but earlier in his life it had been bearable. It isn't until his last year of high school that it becomes intolerable. By the time he enters college, any skin contact has the potential to send him spiraling into a breathtaking panic attack.

He reconnects with Bokuto in college, and he seems to be the only person with the ability to calm Akaashi down. He finds himself relying on his old captain more and more, especially when Bokuto deems himself Akaashi's own personal guardian. Despite their connection, he can't touch Bokuto, either; no matter how badly he'd like to.    

Upstairs by yoogiboobi (E)    

Summary:

Bokuto first sees his neighbour at the supermarket, three days after he's moved into his new place.

[...] 

For about a second, a heartbeat, he's met with a pair of dark, piercing eyes, with what is probably eyeliner, looking back at him. It really is just a split second before his hand knocks down three cereal boxes that hit him square in the head, effectively making him break eye contact and drop his groceries to the floor.

In which some of the first things Bokuto learns about his upstairs neighbour are the colour of his eyes and the sound of his moans.         

bang! now we're even by Authoress (E)

Summary:

Akaashi only has two rules when it comes to his profession. One, complete the job as swiftly and cleanly as possible. Two, never trust anyone who smells like blood.

Rule three is to shoot Owl Eyes in the face should he ever come across him, but Akaashi never tells anyone about that one.

Crisis Converted  by valiantarmor (E)    

Summary:

Akaashi Keiji is just a normal cop with a penchant for getting himself into trouble, when quite suddenly he finds himself with a big promotion and a brand new partner.

But his habit of finding trouble hasn't gone away -- if anything, it's only gotten worse. 

cracks in the pavement will lead you home by deusreks (M)    

Summary:

Bokuto often thinks about Akaashi, especially when he’s running. It’s like his legs know where they’re supposed to take him. He grows into a habit of running a lot, just to keep that feeling going. Cracks and holes in the pavement aren’t fun to jump over if the final reward isn’t seeing Akaashi’s face.

An alternate universe with a little bit of magic and a lot of growing up.         

Ushiten

died in my dreams by MTrash (Makaria) (T)

Summary:

If anyone asked Ushijima how it came to this, he wouldn’t be able to formulate a proper answer.

Ushijima likes his quiet, his order, and his solitude. That is, until a loud, talkative and a little chaotic cyber tech convinces him that that's just plain boring.

while i nodded, nearly napping (suddenly there came a tapping) by pseudoanalytics (T)     

Summary:

Of course if there was one thing that could be counted on, it was Ushijima’s blunt, total honesty. “Do you think Tendou is attracted to me?”

Reon froze. “T-Tendou?”

“Yes.”

Tendou was notoriously hard to read, but Reon kind of figured that he wasn’t the type to be anything less than painfully overt with romantic affections.

“I... I don’t think you have anything to worry about. I think if Tendou was attracted to you, he would let you know,” Reon said. “I'd guess he just considers you his best friend.” He hoped his answer would satisfy whatever frenzy the guy had worked himself into so Reon could finally take advantage of his last precious hours of sleep.

But instead, Ushijima visibly deflated in front of him. “Yes. That’s what I thought too,” he said miserably.

Oh, Reon realized. Oh no...

Executive Excursion by DeathBelle (E)    

Summary:

Tendou is fun, quirky, and interesting.

Ushijima is none of the above.

It's no surprise that Ushijima is drawn to Tendou's magnetic personality. What's surprising is that Tendou seems to like Ushijima, too.

With a little support from his coworkers, Ushijima decides to take a chance and ask Tendou on a date. The results are better than expected.

fascinating facts about geckos by miracleboysatori (T)        

Summary:     

Ushijima Wakatoshi.

That’s the coach’s name. And he’s the new biology teacher on campus, so not only is he incredibly beautiful, he's also smart as hell.

Tendou can tell he’s completely doomed.

Affection, and other Quantifiable Actions by badbavarois (T)   

Summary:

(He's a monster) Ushijima Wakatoshi isn't a monster.            

Misc/ Other ships

but not for spring to well up by tookumade (T)  OsaSuna 

Summary:

After ending a relationship with a fiancé, Suna returns home and tries to heal from heartbreak. Here, he finds friends in the form of the Miya brothers, and learns patience, forgiveness, and what happiness means to him.           

the more things change by deadseasalt (E)  OiKage   

Summary:

“So let me get this straight. You went to the Meiji-Chuo game and saw your old crush and after watching Meiji bring Chuo to a crushing defeat, you realized you were still crushing on him big time?”

Kageyama wishes he could spit in Tsukishima’s drink. “It’s not a crush.”

Tsukishima laughs. “You poor dumb fuck.”

Third Impression by DeathBelle (E) Kuroo x Semi

Summary:

If Semi has a type, Kuroo isn't it.

After their first meeting, Semi concludes that Kuroo is smug, presumptuous, and a little too flirtatious for his own good. Their second encounter doesn't change his mind, and Semi does his best to avoid a third.

Kuroo has other ideas, and Semi finds himself tricked into an impromptu tutoring session with Kuroo himself.

It doesn't go as badly as Semi expects.

Mannequin Men by surveycorpsjean  (E) BokuAkaKuroTsukki

Summary:

The modeling world is full of hungry wolves, constantly clambering over the other, snarling and desperate. They fight, and they kill, trampling over anything in their path.

In this case, Akaashi fell in love with the wolves.

Efflorescence by h_lovely (E) MatsuHana

Summary:

"Are we flirting?"   "Do you want to be?"

[Efflorescence (n.) a state of blooming, flowering, and development.]

[mo2k]

Imagine…you meeting the kamaboko squad for the first time♥️. (pt.3)

No.3 : Hashibira Inosuke

Pairing : Inosuke x [fem] reader

Warnings : none , except for slicing the demon’s head part . If you do count that as violence , other than this is just fluffed <3

a/n : Ahhhh~ we’ve finally come to the last part of this series ! ✨ hope you guys enjoyed this ! •~•

Synopsis : So,you’re a (you choice) rank of demon slayer.You’ve always work alone since the beginning-but then,on one fine day…your crow told you that you have to work your next mission with another demon slayer,much to your dismay-but still,you comply the orders and went off to finished your mission…

Applause….

Praises…

These sounds resonate in your ears as people shouted a “Thank you!” for you.You flicked your blade gracefully and soundlessly to clear off the lingering crimson blood before put it back into your scabbard and bowed down a little politely to the crowd.

The demon you’ve just slew seemed to be so impatient and desperate…like it can’t waste another second to devour flesh…maybe that’s why it appeared immediately after the golden sun left the sky…So lots of citizen still haven’t gone home and get the chance to behold you performed your work.

“Thank you for saving me and my son’s lives…” spoke the woman you’ve just rescue,her son was clutching tightly to his mother’s leg as he tried to hide behind her back.

“Oh!And you can rest for a night at my house too!” She offered with a kind smile and you nodded your head gently.

“Thank you for your offer ma’am,I really appreciate it and would love to accept if I’m not bothering you too much” You smiled sweetly back at her.And she laughed-

“Of course dear!You’re not a bother at all!You’ve just saved our lives remember?” She waved her hand as a gesture for you not to worry. “Come,darling.Let me lead you to my house” She beamed,before tell her son that it’s ok as she hold his hand gently and start to walk back her home.

You slowly went after her,people were still cheered for you and some even bowed down for you.You felt your heart swelling with joy and felt overwhelmed as you dragged your eyes over the crowd.You can’t help but let your lips curved upward slightly at the sight you’re seeing-feeling proud of yourself for being able to protect these people…

“Hey there!” Called a voice from in front,it was the woman. “Aren’t you coming?” She cried again and you felt your smile grows a bit wider as you speed up your pace to catch up with them.

After you have had a good meal and a relaxing bath,you let yourself fall to the mattress and stared blankly at the ceiling of your room…

“Ah…another day has passed huh?Time sure travels fast…” You chuckled,then heard something from outside.You immediately sat upright-head’s ringing with thoughts like ‘There’s another demon?I thought there was only one,or was it something else?But I still shouldn’t really let my guard down,should I?’

You grabbed your sword,preparing for whatever it is that might be ‘endangered’ ….

Suddenly,you heard something fall and the door just slide open.It was that timid boy that clutched tightly to his mother earlier,you realized that he’s been peering into you for a while but cracked and slipped to the floor from being careless,which also makes the door slide open and reveal the little mischievous culprit…

“Ah!!!!” He cried as he hit the floor,you felt your heart skipped a beat when the door slides open-before calming down and sighed a bit to yourself,feeling relieved that it isn’t anything bad…

You got up from the mattress and walked over to help the child to his feet, “Are you alright?” Was your first question as you grabbed his arm gently while your other hand gripped on his waist lightly to pull him up.

The boy nodded slightly with trembled lips, “I-I-I’m s-s-sorry…” he stuttered out,and you sighed again while smiling at him.Your eyes were kind,and filled with adoration as you gazed down at him lovingly.

“It’s ok…you’ve got nothing to be sorry or scare about…” you ruffled the boy’s head lightly.

“So…why are you here?If I may ask?” You question as you sit down to match his level.This boy is probably only about 5 to 6 years old,he’s so cute and tiny <3

“I-I…C-can I really s-say it?” He answered nervously,fidgeting with his fingers…and you nodded gently with a small smile.Trying to encourage him to tell you what’s wrong.

“I-I saw you f-fighting with the d-demon today…and I t-thought it w-was pretty cool…I also w-wonder if I-I could be like that when I’m o-older…” He spoke quietly,it’s almost as a whisper,he stumbled over his own words,his eyes scurried around from side to side.He looks like he wanted to scream but doesn’t have the courage to do so.This make you laughed softly…

“Of course sweetie,of course you can be like me when you get older.I’m sure you’ll become stronger and braver when the time passed…” You smiled fondly as you let out your statement,you just know you adored this boy so much.

“You s-sound just l-like my mother…” he mumbled,and you laughed.

“Really?I’m sorry if I bored you then,but your mother is a very good,kind and sweet lady.Shower her with love,ok?She cares and loves you so much more than any words could described…” You mused joyfully,and the boy look up at you with the slight confusion in his eyes…

“..H-How did you know?” His voice was hesitant,but curious.

“Only by the look in her eyes when she gazed at you was enough to tell me that” You grinned,“What’s your name dear?”.

“A-Akira…” He answered shyly, and you continued-

“Good name,my name’s (L/n) (y/n).Akira,I’m sure you’ll be a great and strong fighter in the future as long as you believe.” You state firmly,and you swore you caught a little glimpse of twinkle in the boy’s eyes.

“Y-You really believe like that?” He looked up,and you beamed.

“Yes,now,would you mind telling more about your dreams Akira?” You spoke softly,he blinked before slowly nodding.His hands were clutched together tightly,telling you that he was still nervous.

“C’mon” You said,standing up while you outstretched your hand, “You sure don’t want to stand here until your legs are sore,do you?”

He nodded stiffly again.You led him to your room and let him sit down beside you on the mattress, “So…” You started, “Why do you wish to become like me?”

“I-I b-because you look so c-cool when you swing your b-blade!A-and your face didn’t even s-shift a little w-when you sliced the demon’s head o-off!” He stuttered out,but you can sense the excitement behind his voice.

“I guess it just happens so often that I’m used to it!” You laughed and he blinked.

“Y-you’ve k-killed other demon b-before?” He asked,you nodded slowly.

“Really!?I-is it is it hard?Or s-scary?” Said the boy.

“Hm…” You hummed, “Maybe a bit.But if I do nothing but scared,I wouldn’t be able to saved people,would I?”

“Oh…i-it’s true…” He looked down sadly with his shoulder slumped.

“You have just saved us today too…I wish was more braver and stronger so I can protect my mother and be like you someday…” He added. You can’t lie the fact that you’re a bit curious about his father-but you stopped yourself.

“You can also be like me when you’re older,I already told you that right?” You asked.

“Yes..but it’s just so hard to truly believe I can be like that…” He trailed off…This make you sighed.

“Let’s talk about other things-What do you like to do?Playing?Or something else?” You said. Decided to change the subject-his eyes lit up immediately with interest.

“Oh!I like to play hide and seek with my friends!And a lot of other things!” He spoke quickly.From what you can see he start to get more courage to speak with you since he doesn’t really stutter like he used to.

“Tell me more about it then” You smiled and he beamed back…

That’s how it went.Akira talked on and on about things,his passion,what he likes and dislikes and many more things else.Not that you were complaining,you were glad he has gained more confidence in speaking.Plus you have fun listening to him talking too!

Until,the boy yawned again for the third time after some moments.Making you realized it was pretty late already so you tell him that he should go back to his room and have some rest.

“And,(y/n)-san…” Akira said suddenly as he stopped and turn to you before he leave.

“Hm?” You hummed while smiling up at him.

“You said that you worked to killed demons…” He started,a little bit hesitation cleared in his voice. “There were rumors…about one demon that lives in the nearby mountains…They say he looks like a boar-a very hot and short tempered boar…Please be careful with it,if you’ve ever encountered it…” He seemed to shudder a little as he spoke.

“I will…” said you, “Thank you so much for this information” You bowed your head a little.

He nodded,before turning and leave the room….

You blew the candles and let yourself fall to the mattress… ‘A demon who looks like a boar?’ You thought to yourself, ‘Better be prepared then…” You sighed.Closing your eyes before drifting off to your peaceful slumber…

—————————————————————————

The rays of sunlight shone through as you stand outside the house.Saying goodbye and thank you to the woman who let you rest at her house…

“You can stay for a little longer and have breakfast with us…” The woman said.And you shook your head gently,

“No,I already owe you so much…Still,thank you for your kind offer once again…” You smiled.

“How many times do I have to tell you that you’re not a bother to us at all…” She sighed tiredly.

“I’m so sorry then…” You chuckled, “And…May I ask where is Akira?” You questioned.Turning your head from side to side to look for the little boy…

“Oh,that boy?” Said the mother, “He’s still fast asleep inside the house.He seemed so tired so I don’t want to wake him up yet,since it’s still so early” She answered.

“I see…” You nodded, “Miss…May I also ask….” You hesitant… “Uh…about your husband?” You managed out…

There was an uncomfortable silence between the two of you for a while…before she replied.

“Of course,my husband already died about a year ago…so Akira was pretty lonely…” She sighed quietly again…

“…I’m so sorry to hear that…” You apologized, “…Your son is a very strong boy…” You added.

“He is…” She nodded with a small smile, “He seemed to like you too” She said- “I’ve noticed his slight changed behavior”

You laughed, “Really?I’m glad” You smiled back at her one last time-before saying, “I think I better go now,thank you so much again” You bowed politely to the mother.

“You don’t really have to bowed!” She said, “Only thank you was enough”

You nodded once you were back to your original position, “Goodbye then ma’am,please have a great day.” You smiled,then turn and went off…

“You are always welcome here dear!” The woman cried after you and waved her arm,you waved back and continued on your way….

————————————————————————

Your crow came flapping towards you before gently landed on your left shoulder….

“Hello (your crow’s name),how are you?” You greeted as you scratched its neck lightly.

“Good!Your next mission is in the graveyard in southwest town!Rumors say there will be demon appeared every night there!You’ll probably reached there at night if you’re not so lazy!” The crow shouted loudly beside your ears,you feel like your eardrums would break any second if you hear your crow’s voice again…

“Hey,I’m offended!Please just be a little more careful with your words next time,will you?” You said…and the crow answered-

“No!What I said is right and true!” Squawked the crow,this make you sighed…

“And!” (Your crow’s name) speak again, “You have to work with another demon slayer this time!” Barked the crow.

“With another demon slayer?” You echoed in astonishment as you stared at the bird with wide eyes.

“Yes!And one more thing!Beware of the boar!” Your crow cried before it lifted off and fly to the blue sky…

“Wait!” You tried to stopped it,but it was no use. (Your crow’s name) just go fluttered its wing freely farther and farther away from you…

You sighed again, “You could have just told me more about that another demon slayer!Or at least,what he or she looks like…” You mumbled the last part.At least even some more information about the demon is good enough for you…You thought grumpily as you took another step and began to continued walking to your next destination…

‘Who was that someone I need to work with?He or she?…If it was a boy….’ You felt your cheeks dusted some light shades of pink, ‘Was he handsome?’ You bit your lip and slapped yourself internally, ‘No no,I must not think like this.My work here is slaying demon and yes I should focus on it.Surely I can do that…’

You paused,sighing….‘Right?’

————————————————————————

You’ve made it to the graveyard at night exactly like what (your crow’s name) told you.After asking for ways and some informations about the demon with people who lives in the nearby village.

They say that it’s true about the rumors,there were people who strangely disappear every night whether they were just asleep or doing something…and another strange thing was that,every morning they will see blood-lots of blood scattered all over the graveyard.The smell is bad and very stinky too…There haven’t been anyone who dared to come across that place as this occurred more and more often…

Except…There was one man,he wore something that looks like a boar mask.So they couldn’t see nor remember his face-that boy was courageous,but got a short tempered and so much enthusiasm…He went to the graveyard a few days ago….No one has seen him since then,they assumed that he was probably dead by ghosts,rancorous souls or whatever-

People also described that the boar’s mask man was a bit off the word ‘normal’…Some called him ‘crazy’ or ‘mad’ from the way he went laughing and running to the graveyard….

‘Eh…a boar again??? Can everything I’ve heard about the boar…be related???’ You thought to yourself after you thanked the people for informations and head to the graveyard…

When you reached there…The place was dark and filled with stinky smell like what you’ve been told…

You covered your mouth and nose with your hand while slowly looking from side to side….But you saw nothing…

Then suddenly you heard someone’s crying…

You quickly whipped your head towards the direction where the voice came and saw a girl crying at one stone,her head on her knees as her body tremble uncontrollably.She has no sense that she could be a demon,you sighed in relived before slowly moved towards her…

“Hey…” You called quietly,and she jumped as she shot her head up at you.

“Are you alright?” You asked.Her frame shook violently with fear-

“W-who are you?” She asked back,tears still ranning down her cheeks.

“Shhh,don’t cry.I’m not here to hurt you-but please just tell me,what happened?” You cooed,crouching to her level and rubbed her shoulder to comfort her.

“M-my friends and I came to see if there was a real ghost in this graveyard.I-I already told them we shouldn’t come here especially at night!But they wouldn’t listen and now they’re dead!I-I saw it with my own eyes-I-it’s so t-terrifying…” She sobbed harder covering her face with her hands…It pains you to see her like this…

‘She was only a child…and here she is…has to watch this dreadful and brutal scene…’ You thought sadly as you watch her with sympathize. ‘I feel sorry for her…I’m sorry…If only I’ve arrived here a little faster your friends wouldn’t have been dead…’ You contemplate with anger,you were angry with yourself for not being able to protect her friends.All you can think now was that,you must protect this girl…

As you’re about to ask her how long has she been sitting here-you heard a screech coming from your left.You snapped your head to see what the sound was.And your eyes met with the demon’s disgusting eyes…

It has to be the demon who’s killed this girl’s friends,from the blood that dripped down to the floor from its mouth…The girl shriek in fear and you drew out your blade while gritted your teeth.

You must win this battle…

The demon snarled at you and immediately charged towards you and the girl.This one seemed to be so hungry for human’s flesh and blood but it doesn’t have the desperation like the last demon you’ve slew.You yelled for the girl to run as you gripped your sword preparing to killed this demon in one blow with (your breathing) style…

The girl scurried away from the demon and you raised your blade over your head,ready to swing.Just about time you swing your blade-aiming for the demon’s neck.The demon got stab to its side and staggered back clutching its wound.It pulled the blade out and throw it to the side,wincing and wriggling in pain.

You whipped your head to the way where the blade came from and met with a man who’s wearing a boar mask as he laughed wildly with contentment about something…

You stand there blinking in shocked as he continued to laugh and say something like, “You see how strong I am now!?Of course!Because I am the great Inosuke!The strongest swordsman in this world hahahaha!”.

‘A boar…a boar…a boar….So familiar…Oh!That man!The one people’s been talking about!He’s not yet dead?How surprising…’ You thought as your mind tried to process about what’s happening…

‘And…seems like the people were right…He’s something but definitely not normal…’ You observed as he’s still not laughing nor just shut his mouth… ‘He didn’t really seemed to care about the demon…did he?’

The demon’s shook its body for a few more times before looked up and glared the so called ‘The great Inosuke’.It hissed and rushing towards him-probably wishing to end his life’s first.

“Ha!You thought I have only one blade!?Wrong!I have two blade!Waiting to cut off your head here!So cool I know!Hahaha!” Said Inosuke,raising his other blade in his other hand to show the demon.

‘Seriously?’ You thought,shocked and baffled.You immediately chase after the demon but it didn’t seem to care-It’s like it want nothing more than to ripped the boar mask man’s heart out of his chest.

You quickly sliced the demon’s head off using (whatever form you like) form from (your breathing) style once you reach it and as it was about to grab the man.The boar mask man also prepared to stab through the demon body again but you steal his thunder first…

“Ha!?” He cried with disbelief, “How dare you!?I was about to finished this demon’s first!” He pointed at you,specifying.

You ignored him as you flicked your blood clean before putting it back into your scabbard…

“Hey!I’m talking to you!” He bristled,and you sighed tiredly.

“I just want to finished my work.Is it that hard to understand?” You raised your eyebrow as you glance at him.

“I don’t care!But you just stole my scene!I can’t accept that!Who are you!?I’m Hashibira Inosuke the greatest!And who are you!?” He shouted,so loud-you rolled your eyes at him.

“(L/n) (y/n),satisfied now?” You answered.

“No!I demand a fight!Let’s fight to see who’s stronger than who!?” He cried,and you stared at him for a minute,blinking.

“What!?” He bellowed.

“…Nothing…I just can’t believe how childish you acted…” You spoke calmly,before turning- “And maybe next time for your fight.As you can see-I’m busy right now.So please wait patiently-” You stopped,looking around.Finding for the girl-

“There you are” You called once you find her,walking towards the girl.

“Are you alright dear?” You asked,crouching down to her level.The girl was still a bit scared of what has just happened but she still manage to nodded for your question.

“Good” You smiled, “C’mon,let me take you back to your home.Where do you live sweetheart?” You demand as you take the girl’s hand.

“I-In the village.” She answered nervously,glancing around to see if there was more demons.

“It’s ok love, just stay close to me alright?I’ll protect you.” You tell her,trying to make her relaxed.And she nodded again,too afraid to speak.You gripped her small hand a little tighter.Before heading back to the village.

“Hey!” Called another voice behind you,you turned around only to be met with the same boar mask man. “How dare you ignoring me again!?” He cried,you sighed and shook your head in response.

“Will you just stand there,or come with us?” You asked him,and he seemed stunned a bit.

“Come with you?Why would the great Inosuke come with you!?” He yelled back.

“Up to you then” You said before continued to walk out of the graveyard.

“Wait!” He cried but this time you didn’t even glance back. “Damn you!” He said,but still-he ran after you back to the village.Saying that this can be a challenge of who ran faster.

‘He really isn’t normal…’ You thought to yourself as you watch him ran towards the village as fast as he can. “I’m not taking that challenge!” You cried but he didn’t seem to hear that…

‘I guess waiting for some minutes wouldn’t hurt for him then…’ You shrugged.

As you reached the village you met with the parents of the girl.They seemed so worried and scared from the gasp and sound of happiness they made as soon as they saw their daughter.The little girl also immediately ran into her parents arms,crying.The scene was just so beautiful that you somehow that a tear might slipped from your eyes.

The girl then pointed at you saying that you were the one who saved her from the scary ghost in the graveyard.Her parents looked up with gratefulness and the people nearby started clapping and cheering for you.Shouting a big ‘thank you’ for their hero.This make the same feeling of your heart swelled with joy came back again.

You were so so happy at that moment…until that boar mask man came shouting towards you that you lose and he win or something like that…

“Why were you so slow!?See!Well,I’m the great Inosuke so of course I win!And you lose hahahahahah!” He laughed again,and you smiled dryly at him.

‘Couldn’t he just come to me later?’ You thought sickly,before sighing.

The crowd,were shocked and surprised to see that he’s still alive.Gasping and whispering became widespread through the people.Still,the parents of the little girl offer you and Inosuke to rest for a night or two at their house.You two of course accept the offer,you thanked them politely all the while Inosuke,laughed wildly while saying something like, “Of course Inosuke the great will accept your offer hahaha!”.

At last…he didn’t even thank them…. -_-

————————————————————————

You sighed with contentment as you walked to stroll a bit to refresh yourself before going to bed.You decided to go and relax at the engawa (veranda).But when you go there,oh-how much did you regret your decision…

You found that boar mask man,sitting at the edge of the engawa with his legs dangling over it.You almost turn on your heels to go back to your room until you noticed something strange….

Inosuke,or what you believe to be his name,wasn’t wearing his boar mask as he usually does.He just sit there staring off into the distance with no aware that you were watching him.

And not to mention that you almost slipped on your feet once you saw his face.His face-was just so feminine that you almost thought for a second that he was a girl covering her body to look like a boy-

You were debating with yourself for quite a moment about should you go to him or not that you didn’t noticed him slowly turning back as if he feels like someone was watching him.

He yelped in surprised once he saw you, “What are you doing here!?”

You also immediately shot your head to look at him, jumped. “Huh?Me?I-um,I was-I was just about to sit and relax at the engawa for a bit!But I didn’t know that you were already here so I was just planning to leave.” You excused yourself quickly.

He eyed you,feeling suspicious-looking at you from head to toe before meeting your gaze. “Then who stopped you?Just come and sit.” He said.

You were surprised that he didn’t yelled or shouted at you this time.But you sure won’t complain-you wouldn’t want to make him mad and just shouted at you again.

“So-why are you here?” You asked as you sit down.Decided to ease the tension a bit.

“I don’t know” He answered,looking down at his lap.Seems like your plan didn’t work-what about this one?

“Inosuke” You called, “Why do you become a demon slayer?” You asked as you turned your head to face him.

“H-how did you know that I was a demon slayer!?” He demand suddenly,and loudly.

You blinked, “Um…it was pretty obvious since your blade can make the demon disintegrated…And that kind of blade normally belongs to a demon slayer.” You explained,hoping that he would understand.

“Oh-right,and well-I just met a normal demon slayer in my mountain.I asked him for a fight and he loses,that’s when I heard about the final selection and become a demon slayer.” He said and your eyes widen.

“Your mountain?” You repeat.And he blinked at you before nodding.

“Yeah,what’s wrong with that?” He asked.You shook your head.

“Nothing, just a bit surprised.” You answered,remember your conversation with Akira,perhaps he is really the one who Akira spoke about…You thought to yourself-deciding not to tell Inosuke about this in case it make him mad or even worse-make him praise himself again….

Inosuke doesn’t speak anything after that for about 1 solid minute,he just stare intently at you all the time which start to make you feel a bit uncomfortable…

“Um…” You started,shifting a bit in your seat. “Wh-”

“Tell me” was all he spoke,and that suddenly make you realized that he was waiting for you to tell him about how you become a demon slayer.He wanted to ask but is too stubborn to speak it himself-this make you smile and chuckled.

“Sure thing,well- (You start telling your own story of how you became a demon slayer.I want to leave this to your own imagination about your past.Inosuke will listen to every single bit of your story no matter how short or long it is,please enjoyed <3)”

“I see” He answered, “Interesting story” he added and you laughed.

“You think so?” You asked him,and he nodded.This make you smiled.

“….Do you have any family?” He questioned suddenly,you must admitted that this has taken you aback.

“(Yes or no,up to you!)” You answered, “And you?”

“I don’t…I can’t even remember my own mother’s face…” He said,there was a hint of sadness behind his voice.You looked at him before sighing-

“Gosh-Don’t be so dramatic.You are not the only one who’s lost,I’ve met a 5 years old boy who’s also lost his father about a year ago-Even that little boy is stronger than you” You said,standing up while shook your head gently. “The great Inosuke shouldn’t be weak like you,should he?” You asked,looking at him one last time before you’re about to turn and walk away.

“I’ll just go to bed now-Goodnight,weak.”

“Hey!Who did you just called ‘weak’ !?” He cried after you’ve just took a few steps.Seizing your wrist tightly,the sudden movement make you lose your balance.Inosuke tried to stop your fall by pulling you to him-but how accidentally it ended up with you sitting on his lap,eye’s wide filled with shocked and surprised.

You and him stayed there in that position for a moment,you felt your cheeks heat up bright red as you’re still shocked about what just happened before you pulled yourself together and make yourself get up from his lap.Ignoring how comfortable and warm he is or how you wanted to stay there for a little longer-But it is too embarrassing for you •///•

“I-I-I think I will just go to bed now!Sleep well!” You quickly said before turn on your heels and immediately bolted to your room.Leaving him still sitting there,dazed and embarrassed.Dark red coloured itself into his face as he stared at his palm and think back to that moment earlier…

As you soon as you reached your room.You immediately fall to the mattress and stared at the ceiling,thinking.

‘He was just a friend,he was just a friend,he was just a friend,but wait-when exactly did I counted him as my friend?’ You thought,then pull a pillow to shove your face into it,blushing hard.

You were screaming inside as you felt so restless, ‘I cannot think straight anymore…’ was your last thought before you forced yourself to sleep and just forget it…

But can you really?Sorry but I’d say no.Honey-look at you,your face are still dusted with pink even when you told yourself to forget it! owo

—————————————————————————————

When the next day came… -~-

You woke up,feeling tired and sore from yesterday’s work.Being a demon slayer sure is very hard and tiring-and you know you have to get up now or else your crow would come and wake you…

(which you surely didn’t want that,you wouldn’t want your crow to came barking at you to wake up,would you?)

But as you started to get conscious as you stretched your tired muscles a bit?Oh darling-you mind just take you back to that sweet,embarrassed memories you’ve just witnessed yesterday-

You cheeks immediately went dark red again when you recalled it.You shook your head and slapped yourself internally once again before you got up and get ready for the day…

——————————————————————————

You walked out of the house after you went to say goodbye to the owners of the house.They we’re still sleeping soundlessly together with their daughter sleep in the middle and got squeezed warmly by her parents on both of her side.This make you smile before you decided to write a not and leave it on the table instead.

You met with Inosuke once you slide the door open,you felt yourself blushing once your eyes met with his frame.He turned back to look around and trust me,this boy also got a little bit of pink tinted in his face.He quickly look away,decided to avoid eye contact with you.

You greeted him awkwardly,and he greeted back.An uncomfortable silence fell between the two of you as you walked away from the house.After a while,your crow came fluttering its wings toward you and Inosuke.(Your crow’s name) immediately plopped itself on your shoulder.It surely does notice that something’s off as you don’t welcome it as you normally do.

“Your next mission is at Tsuzumi mansion!You two did well in your last mission so we decided that you two should go and do another mission together!Now,don’t be lazy and keep going until you reached your next destination!” Yelled the crow before it opened its wing and flew off into the clear sky.

You two stay there gawkily before Inosuke decided to break the silence, “So…Uh-We’ve to do another mission…together?” He began slowly while glancing at you.You nodded your head stiffly.

“I…guess?” You answered back.And he bit his lip hesitantly.

“I…Yesterday…was-um…actually just an accident…” He state nervously,and you turned your head to fully look at him.

“Yeah…it was…I’m sorry for that…” You added too,and he shake his head.

“Nah it’s alright…it’s um-like I said, just an accident” He spoke.You giggled a bit at how stubborn he is to just properly apologize.

“W-Why are you laughing!?What’s so funny!?” He bristled with his face getting a bit more red as he heard your laugh.He won’t admit that he likes it when you laughed or even just simply smile. 😏

“Nothing!You were just so cute looking like that!” You stated happily with a small smirk when you saw him blushing.He got even redder at that- >///<

“C-cute!?Who!?Me!?” He asked,pointing at himself for confirmation while whipping his head around to see anybody else.

“Yes you~It’s you stupid brain!You’re so dumb!” You teased.

“What!?” He cried and you laughed,run in front of him before stopped.

“You like competition right!?Then come and catch me if you can!” You cried,turning and continued to run away.

“Ha!Bold of you to challenge me!Let me tell you first-I will not lose!” He shouted back as he chase after you to catch up.

This is sure would be such a long,long journey….

Finished ! 💖 Guys-I finally finished this series ! ♥️ Yas !!!!! ✨

It’s been so much fun writing ! 💕 I hope you guys enjoyed it as much as I do writing it ! 💝 And I was wondering -

Is it ok if I take a break for 2 or 3 weeks or more ? I want to reward myself a bit and I also want to collect more ideas and information ! 💗

Like - I won’t be posting any work , but still here to chat / talk or play ask game / tag game or whatever ! ❤️ Just no story writing ( but maybe except for some quick imagines or short scenario - I don’t know owo )

But please know this - No Nsfw , Lemon , Smut please ! I won’t accept any of this - pls understand

And one more thing ! I think I’ll stop the posting every Sunday - after doing this series I feel like I want to write whenever I feel like it . Like I wanted to write because I wanted to write not because it’s time to write . Something like that - I hope you guys would understand ! 🥺💞

Now , thank you so much , please have a lovely day / night everyone ! Do not forget to take care too love ! <3

I do not own the art (s) nor the character (s) ! Credits to the artist ! 💗

-With love,BamBam🦢🌙

[yanderenightmare]

YANDERE ! SHIGARAKI TOMURA x FEM ! READER

goodiebag WARNINGS: yandere, dubcon/noncon, abuse, anxiety, drugging, guilt, kidnapping, abduction, 

FATE

It was fate. That’s what he’d said. It was a rather brief encounter. She woke up, in a bed that was not her own, in a dark room devoid of windows, smelled a smell she could only be describe as dust, with a man she didn’t quite recognize. He lurked in the corner, quietly observing her in her slumber. Wanting so badly to touch her, because he knew he could. And he had, until that nagging feeling of guilt surfaced and he forced himself to retract his hand from traveling up her thigh and confined himself to the corner of the room. His fingers itching to touch her soft, warm skin. He admonished himself for using too much of the drug, perhaps she would have woken up already if he’d been more careful, but he figured it was a safety measure that had to be done, otherwise she might’ve woken up before he’d gotten her to his room. And what was worse was that when she did finally wake up he didn’t have much time to explain. He was happy she didn’t scream, but that could have been the drug. She most certainly wasn’t as docile when he came back.

That was a while ago now. Or… at least it felt that way to him. He was so itchy. Seeing her every day. And only barely being allowed to touch her didn’t help. In fact, it only made him that much more itchy. He tried his best to be kind, to be understanding. Not wanting her to grow bored in his absence. He’d even allowed her access to his console and games, however offline. But there was hope; she seemed to have accepted the situation more now. She had at least stopped screaming and struggling and using every second on trying to escape. He felt that maybe she was more inclined to be with him now, after spending so many hours alone. He wished she wouldn’t fight him. He really didn’t want to make her uncomfortable, but… he was just so itchy.

She cursed her quirk. It had always been a nuisance. At the doctors she had to file for traditional check-ups because no healing quirk could surpass her immunity. It was a joke at best. Quirks couldn’t touch her. When it came to Tomura, she definitely saw it as a cruel joke. Without her quirk he had the power to kill her on the spot, however with her quirk the monster had fallen in love with her, clung to her as though she were the only person left on earth. What was worse was that she actually sympathized with him. “It must be a terribly lonely existence.” That’s what she’d said to him under their first encounter. This, however, by no means meant she was going to willingly become his little pet. She struggled throughout the entirety of her first day, screaming her lungs out, crying her eyes out, kicking until she had no more energy to give and then fallen asleep, only to have awoken with his arms slung around her, tightly gripping onto her as though his life depended on it. That day too, she’d thrashed and sneered when he tried touching her. However, there came the third day… when he snapped.

This was yesterday. She woke up with her wrist tied snuggly together above her head, more rope connecting them to the bedpost. A product of his growing impatience. She began hysterically crying once he climbed on top of her, begging him, pleading, bargaining, saying his name as though he were some type of malicious God she had to satisfy.

And although he’d gone through the lengths and extremities of threatening to kill all her acquaintances to quit her objections, he couldn’t go through with it. Again, he didn’t want her to feel abused. He didn’t want to cause her any pain nor be the reason behind her tears. He didn’t want her to fear him or hate him, he wanted the opposite. He adored her. All he wanted was some peace of mind, and she served as his only sanctuary.

He hadn’t fully realized how badly he wanted her before he held her in his arms throughout that entire night. He always enjoyed sleep, but with her lying against him it became nothing short of heaven. With her wrists still tied together, there was little she could do to stop him, his death threats still lingering in the air, when he started decaying every piece of clothing. Feeling the tremors run through her. The quaking as his hands danced up her exposed skin, playing with what they found. Feeling her recoil into him each time he would, in his amateurism, pinch too hard. He thought of her continuous quivering as similar to when a puppy wags its tail, to distract himself from what it really indicated. It was easy to forget himself when she was soft like velvet and smooth like silk and warm like life itself up against him. He didn’t do much more. Untying her before he had to go. Watching her rub her sore wrists made his stomach fold in guilt when he left this morning. He apologized, but she didn’t answer.

Stealing her was selfish, he could admit that, but he would make it up to her if she only allowed him one little taste…

She sat on the bed when he came back, wet hair dripping onto the sheets. She showered before he came, an attempt to wash the night off her, it only mildly irked him. He couldn’t stay mad though, not when she was sitting there so preciously with his black hoodie on, looking at him with such wide, glossy eyes. He kept the room dark; light irritated his skin, and he didn’t want to feel anything but comfort when he was with her. Besides, maybe the dark could make him seem just a little bit more appealing. She still flinched when he made to touch her.

Not wanting to scare her, he decided to kneel down instead. Enjoying how her feet didn’t meet the ground when she sat propped up on the bed. Taking her ankles, delicately gliding his fingers around them, and placed them on top of his thighs. Not letting go. He leaned his forehead against her knee, feeling as though her warm skin was absolution itself, a paradise of some sorts. She didn’t say anything, but the uncontrolled breaths were loud enough to indicate her fear. She was the one person he couldn’t harm, yet somehow, she seemed more afraid than anyone else. He would’ve laughed, but it wouldn’t have helped.

He dragged his fingers alongside her legs and came to a halt at her knees, wanting to part them. He hadn’t given her anything to wear, not seeing the point as they would probably be disintegrated anyway. She hadn’t taken the opportunity to put on one of his boxers either. All the clothes she came in were a pile of ash, thanks to him. In other words; his hoodie was the only thing she was wearing. How could he possibly hold himself back? It was almost as though she meant to antagonize him.

She felt the pressure he added to his fingertips, her knees slowly starting to spread. She curled her toes, a small whimper spluttering past her lips. She knew she shouldn’t have, but she stopped him. Taking his hands in hers. He didn’t seem all too provoked. Giving him a desperate look, one that was met with an even stronger, hungrier desperation. He leaned his chin on her knee, observing with a curious look as she intertwined her fingers with his. It was a weak attempt, but he seemed subdued. It was only for a brief moment.

“This is nice...” It reverberated through her legs, his Adam’s apple bobbing up against her kneecap. “But…” It came only a second later, however it sounded so much darker. It was such a heavy word, one laced with a sense of defeat, an apology. “I need more.” He’s fast, it only took a second before she was on top of him. Quickly propping her legs up around his waist and lifting, turning them around so she could sit firmly slotted in his lap. She knew not to struggle. He was still dangerous. Slender, but not without muscle. He was lanky and tall and above all else; devoted. There was no stopping him.

Her shoulders still grazed, although she tried to calm herself. For some reason she still didn’t want to hurt his feelings. Didn’t want to upset him. It didn’t take long before he disintegrated the hoodie, earning a tremor and a gasp from her. The feeling waved over him. He would have enjoyed it, but he was much too surprised to find yet another piece of clothing beneath. Surprised, only slightly disappointed. It was like unwrapping a present, he humored silently to himself.

He could tell it was best to go slow, in order not to break the shell. He didn’t want her to cry, and he was sure if he did too much too fast, she would almost certainly start bawling. Giving into simply brushing the now settled dust off her, yet quickly getting carried away. Digging his calloused fingers into the doughy flesh of her thighs, all very slowly, enjoying himself carefully. He was still getting used it, marveling at how she didn’t fall apart under his touch. Still, he wanted more, he needed more. He glid his hands up the sides of her waist and she started shaking. Trembling knees, caused trembling thighs and so on and so forth, and the feeling of her quaking against him felt nothing short of unhinging. His mouth watered and he had to swallow, trying his best to pace his breathing, failing however, it only made him sound that much more crazed.

“Tomura…” It was a small attempt at a protest, especially when he quite enjoyed the sound of his name drip so sweetly off her tongue. Anyone else with the same ambitions would probably have ignored it, but he wanted her to understand. To understand that she was more than a toy to him, that she was godsend. He didn’t want her hurt, he wanted something else. And that’s why he chose words.

“People die when I touch them.” He didn’t look into her eyes, not sure what would stare back at him. He didn’t want to see plead, or… he didn’t want to take pleasure in her pleading. “So, I’ve kept my hands to myself.” She wasn’t sure if he believed that his actions were justifiable. She wasn’t sure if it were himself or her he was trying to fool. “I haven’t touched anyone…” It sounded desperate. “Felt anyone…” It sounded broken. “For so long.” It was hard not to sympathize. It was hard to be angry at him. “I’ve stayed away.” She almost felt the urge to hug him. “Only touching people when its necessary.” If he’d given her just a few more days, then perhaps she would have. “I feel like I deserve this.” It came out hungry. It was raw and untamed and wrong.

The sympathy nearly vanished at that. It wasn’t her fault that he was like this. It wasn’t her burden, and yet here she was, like some sacrifice to a hungry god. Her hands pressured against his chest, in an obvious strive to make him release her. His hands tightened.

“Tomura, please…” Though he liked her voice, he didn’t care for her pleas. It wasn’t something he wanted to hear, because he was sure; if he tasted her begging just once, he was certain he’d find that he didn’t actually mind, that he… would rather enjoy it instead.

“It’s either this or something highly unpleasant.” His eyes met hers.

She was shocked at how fast his mood changed; like a child when you take away one of their toys or refuse to play with them. The first tear fell at that, his hand rose from its position to wipe it away, before he planted it back on her hip, rubbing the wetness onto her skin. Feeling like a pioneer of some sorts, having never done anything like it before.

“You know I’ve never bruised anyone.” His voice was different, wintry and empty. “Never made art on someone else’s skin.” It only got darker. “Not without them turning to ash…” His gaze fell back onto her hips, his fingers planting themselves more firmly into her. “I’ve never beaten anyone to a pulp.” His eyes seemed to partly stare at what purple galaxy he could make form under his nails. “They just up and disappear before I get the chance to.” On the other part he was staring into some unknown future; untapped desires, dark desires, violent desires. “I’ve never slapped anyone.” She braced herself, expected him to spank her. “Never felt anyone’s trembling skin.” She was positively trembling; she was quaking. “Never truly felt it.” He sounded desperate again. The icy tone was almost completely gone, turning yet again into something broken. “Not all of it.” It was only barely above a whisper. “Don’t you see?” His eyes were wide, full of something akin to ambition; hope? “You were made for me.” It wasn’t hope, it was resolution.

He kept burying his nails into her hips, so much it started to hurt. She got the feeling he was waiting for her to make a move, perhaps he was struggling to do so himself? And when she finally felt herself wincing at the pain, with his blood-red eyes digging into her soul, much like his fingers on her sides, she reached out and kissed him. Whimpering and leaning in closer, yet his fingers only barely relented. Her hands; limp at her sides, made to circle around his neck, softly entangling in his silvery locks. In the briefest moment she wanted to pull at it, drag him away from her, but she didn’t. She kept kissing, lightly sucking on his bottom lip. He moaned a strained groan, but his fingers only ceased their iron-grip when she pushed her chest flush against his. They then moved to her lower back, and then lower, finding their way down slowly, and squeezed at what they found down there, earning yet another whimper from her, although, when received by his mouth, much to his enjoyment, it sounded like a moan. He pulled her closer at that, grinding her against him. What she felt grind up against her, despite layers of fabric in between, scared her. His hands traveled again, this time upwards. Meeting her second shirt before there was no longer any shirt to meet, the cold air nipping at her exposed self.

As if shocked out of her state, she struggled again, but only for a moment. He was so fast. Before she even knew what was happening, she was firmly pinned beneath him, his hands locked around her wrists, tightening his hold until she gave him an apologetic look. He loosened them at that, but didn’t let go, not yet. Eyes flickering between hers and her lips, his thumb rubbing over the soft skin where her veins were stored on her wrists. He went in slowly, wanting her to half-initiate it herself, when she did without protest, without him threatening her, he lost it. Crashing into her, kissing, licking, biting as though he were starved. His hands moved with him, stroking down her arms tenderly, revering at the softness of what was found beneath his fingertips. She didn’t move her hands from above her head, didn’t know where to place them if she did.

He went exploring with his mouth. Down her neck, nipping at her collarbone. She expected his tongue to be dry like the rest of him, it wasn’t. Wet and sloppy; drooling was a better word for it. He left trails of himself down her chest. His hands, with steadily more and more added pressure, cupped one of her breasts, pinching and playing with the perky nib found there. His other hand got to work on disintegrating his pants, and then his shirt, and then nothing else was left to destroy. Except the bed, but he would break that in as well, in some other creative way. Her chest heaved more and more, frantically begging for more air; panicking. He decided to think of it as her wanting to get closer. He certainly was. Now that there was no more obstruction from his skin and hers, he struggled to not drop his entire weight onto her.

He wasn’t exactly sure what he was supposed to do, but ended up not thinking about it too much, settling for doing what he felt like doing. His hands groping, messaging, rubbing each breast. His tongue fluttering at how her perky nipple tickled him when he sucked and flicked over it. Her hands sprung forward to push him off when he bit too hard, though he caught them easily, pinning them down to her sides, deciding to ignore the act and continue with his exploration.

She started crying now, trying to keep quiet as much as she could, yet he heard the sniffles and tiny hiccups. He let go of her wrists again, watching as she gripped the sheets tightly, trying to hold back. Staring at the ceiling, studying the smooth, white surface. Thinking how her life no longer belonged to her.

It was strange, he was more bothered by the fact that he didn’t care whether she cried or not. Of course, he preferred it if she enjoyed herself too, but as long as he made the itchy feeling beneath his skin go away, he couldn’t bring himself to feel guilty. As much as he wanted to be patient for her, he couldn’t wait any longer. Grabbing himself and placing the tip of his cock at her entrance.

“Tomura-” She protested, knowing how this couldn’t possibly be pretty. She wasn’t remotely wet, and he didn’t really seem about to assist with any moisture himself. But he couldn’t care more for her begging. Catching her wrists with one hand as he continued with what he was doing.

“I already told you-” He hissed, but she cut him off before he could threaten her a second time.

“Let me help.” Her voice was a soft kind of desperate. He’d been too frenzied to realize that she wasn’t really struggling or fighting him. Her large eyes found his in a feeble attempt to break through whatever craze he was in. Letting go of her wrists gave her the answer to her request. He sat up and she followed, crawling out from beneath him. About to grab her and place her back, he halted when he saw her coming back completely on her own volition. Her hands pressed softly against his chest, asking him to lower himself onto the pillows behind him. “Lie down.” And, although they were worded like demands, they didn’t sound that way whatsoever coming from her. He did what she said nonetheless, eyeing her every move, on high alert, ready to grab her if she were to run and lock herself in the bathroom. He was truly expecting anything else than her soft, warm and wet lips sliding down his cock in an almost loving fashion. Brows furrowed abruptly, mouth apart as he let out a long, shaky, gasping moan. Fingers stretching and curling into the sheets. Only barely keeping his wits with him to raise his pinky above the others, in order not to destroy whatever heaven he was in.

She’d placed herself between his thighs. On her knees with her ass raised up into the air, her head bowed and bobbing up and down on his shaft. Her hands supporting her on his stomach. Touching him. Like worship, he thought, looking down at her working hard to please him. With that thought simmering though his mind, he found the courage to ruffle his fingers through her hair. Refraining from adding any pressure, not assisting her in any way. He simply messaged and stroked and felt her eager movements on him. Heavenly sounds of sloshing and gurgling and slobbering and struggling filled the room as she continued going down, hollowing out her cheeks, running her tongue up and down, from side to side around him almost hungrily.

Toes curling into the sheets beneath him. Head thrown back onto the comfort of the pillows. He focused on the warm walls tightening around him, the wetness that slid up and down his cock, the tip of him pushing against her throat, begging to go deeper. He hadn’t meant it… how his hips jerked in the slightest attempt to push himself further down her throat. It was far from a real thrust, but it was no less noticeable. She took the hint, choking him all the way down to the hilt, feeling him bend down her throat. Gagging on him, her knees shifted, tempted to lie down on her stomach, tears gathering in the corners of her eyes, but she held back and kept sucking, with him all the way down her throat, until she finally let herself breathe.

Mesmerized by her sudden performance, his eyes glued onto her, delighted to see a string of drool connecting her lips to his cock when she tore away. It didn’t take long before she dove back in. Her one hand shifting from its place on his chest to fondle his balls, playing with them in her palm. Her tongue gliding up and down, licking the sides of him, giving each of his balls a suck and a kiss each time she went all the way down.

He was moaning and groaning fervently, his eyes nearly traveling all the way back into his skull. His toes cramping in their curled state. Being so lost in the moment. Before he even realized she had stopped, she’d placed her knees on the outside of either side of him. Her hand continuing to stroke him, with her other hand playing and messaging her own clit, preparing herself. She hovered above him. He started feeling cold upon the lack of contact, but the chill was soon replaced as he pushed inside her folds.

They moaned simultaneously this time. His was closer to a growl, whereas hers was more of a whimper. She sat there for a second, trying to get used to his length and size inside her, trying to make it all feel more comfortable, before she started riding. Slow, deep, heavy riding, letting the cock inside her hit every spot that had her nearly mewling. Bucking her hips forward, rolling onto him, with her hands once again placed on his chest. She couldn’t look at him, feeling so dirty and guilty for the building knot inside her stomach, the one that was now constantly teased by his large member inside her. She closed her eyes instead, not thinking of the circumstances, focusing on how insanely good it felt to be stretched out and filled to the very brink, despite not really wanting to think about it at all.

He, however, was staring at her as though it was the first time he ever truly saw anyone. He was so caught up in the moment, he’d forgotten about the deadly touch lingering in his fingers all together. So very spellbound by how her small, soft, delicate hands touched him, how her hair fell down her shoulders and tickled the skin on her breasts, how her brows had equally furrowed together as his own, how her lashes fluttered and lips parted even more with each beautiful moan that escaped them. He barely even registered how her hands picked his hands up and placed them on her hips for him so that he could rock her at his own tempo.

His grip didn’t tighten as she had suspected them to, they didn’t grope or poke as they did earlier. They hung loosely on top of her thighs, his thumbs stroking over her hips in encouragement of everything she was doing.

Placing her hands back on his stomach, she stroked up his chest and throat to lock her fingers in his silver hair. Her chest brushing up against his as she started kissing and sucking at his neck. Bracing herself by propping her feet up under her legs. Rocking her hips faster, no longer just rolling, but jumping up and down on her knees, all still rather graciously, done with somewhat expertise. He groaned at the sudden increase in tempo, his hands traveling on their own over her hips to grip at the plump flesh of her behind.

He knew he was much less experienced than her, but at least he knew what he wanted as well. Slowly getting over the surprise that had currently knocked him into shock and awe, he decided to gain more control. Especially now that he felt himself slip away and near his end. He pushed his thighs up, making her shift further up on him. She only moaned in response to him strapping his hands around her torso and lifting them both up into a sitting position, with her nuzzling perfectly in his lap. He ran his hands down her back and cupped her thighs, raising her up to tangle her legs around him. Now, sitting on his knees, he made to thrust into her and slap her back on his cock without her having any control over the new current of the motion.

He moaned savagely, feeling complete bliss befall him like a wave. She clung to him, actually clung to him for dear life, and it felt so fucking heavenly to feel her continue to nibble and suck and lick and kiss at the scars he’d created on his neck. With her arms wrapped around his back as though she couldn’t bear to let go. It was too much. She was too much. He couldn’t take it anymore. Couldn’t last any longer. He dropped her down onto the bed again, his cock slipping out and into his grip as he pumped the last few pumps it took before he came. Ropes of milky liquid sprouted from his cock and fell over her stomach, before he collapsed back onto her. His cheek pressed against her chest. Hot and heavy breaths brushed across her stomach. Drool slipping down from his mouth and onto her breast.

She didn’t dare move, despite feeling the wanton urge to touch herself until she as well peaked her orgasm. She remained still, or at least tried to, but it was hard when the fire within her stomach demanded attention. She tried to keep the quaking under wraps, but it was impossible. He hummed against her chest upon the feeling, it almost turned into a chuckle. He had clearly gained his confidence, acting all smug and cocky when he motioned his hand to rub at her clit. She jolted upon the touch, moaning and arching her back up against him. He kissed a quick trail down her stomach, everything sprawled out for him to see and touch as he so pleased. She was nearly begging when his eyes met hers. “Let me help you.” It was mockingly sweet, but she found she quite liked the sound of it. His thumb rubbing circles upon the sensitive spot, as he lowered his mouth to lick between the folds. She moaned brazenly, her fingers again tousling into his hair. He propped her one leg up over his shoulder, gaining more access.

She felt the pulsating, roaring, drooling sensation build and build until it nearly hurt, her hips lolling into him between her legs. His tongue running and delving into her, his teeth lightly and teasingly nipping at the tender flesh. Sucking until she let out that last earthshattering moan, her body convulsing in spasms and violent quakes. He gave a couple more licks to her clit and felt her panic beneath him, much to his enjoyment. He didn’t torture her oversensitivity for too long, before he climbed back up and nuzzled into her neck. Happy when he felt her fingers stroking his head again; affectionately.

No more words were exchanged. The presence of night laid thickly inside the room. The both of them unable to keep their lids open, not really fighting of the sleep that soon overwhelmed them either. Skin to skin. Heartbeat to heartbeat. They fell asleep soundly. And when Tomura woke up the next day, their limbs tangled together in one comfortable knot, he felt as though it might have been the very first time he actually felt rested.

[fangirlandiknowit101]

Here's the sad pining sasuke i wrote last night... it's not finished and who knows when/if i'll finish it. university AU, not edited and there's some naru//hina and sasuke//OC bc i couldn't think of a canon character that fit. The texting part is also weird bc i wrote it all very fast lol. i'm sharing bc why not *shrugs*

xxx

It hurts, to look at them.

Sasuke can’t help himself. Naruto is his best friend, after all, and he’s not yet so desperate that he’ll avoid him. It’s worse, somehow, that he can’t even dislike her.

She’s good for him, he thinks, when he’s feeling particularly self-deprecating. Her hair is dark and her skin pale as porcelain, and that’s where the similarities end between him and Hinata.

Sweet, and so patient with Naruto. Soft-spoken, but not a pushover. Impeccably dressed, always, no make-up needed to outshine any girl beside her. A picture perfect couple, that’s what they are. It wouldn’t be so bad if he didn’t have to watch it unfold from the front row.

How her shyness turned to surety, how her eyes would catch on Naruto and look away before, but now – now she looks at him like he belongs to her, soft smile on her plump lips.

Sasuke can’t even hate her, and he wishes he could.

It’s not her fault that Sasuke is the way he is. She doesn’t know, isn’t doing it on purpose. And yet, there’s a stab to Sasuke’s chest every time she takes his hand, every time Naruto tucks her silky hair behind her perfect ear.

Naruto will kiss her cheek and Sasuke will be looking, always looking. His face devoid of emotion, his voice carefully neutral. He can’t be mean to Naruto’s girlfriend, though he wishes he could. Maybe if Naruto got mad at him and pushed him away, Sasuke would be free to move on.

It’s more likely that Sasuke would apologize and do better, and he’d rather spare himself the embarrassment.

Sometimes he imagines that Hinata will find out, that she’ll start treating him with suspicion, watch his every move with her wide eyes. Feel threatened by him. But Sasuke is no threat. He’s tired and hurting, but he’s not a homewrecker. It would be a lot easier if Naruto didn’t keep nudging him in Sakura’s direction.

It’s not Sakura’s fault, either. She’s dreaming of something she can’t have, and the similarities make him sick to his stomach.

Sometimes he thinks he’ll date her, live the lie to the fullest. Give her what she wants, since he’s doomed anyway. He doubts he’d last long, though. If he had even the slightest bit of interest in women – but when he looks at her, there’s just no attraction. He’s not sure how no one’s noticed yet. It’s not like he’s that good of an actor. He thinks the only reason no one’s figured it out is because he’s so deep in the closet, and they’re all so heterosexual. Why would they suspect he’s gay? It suits them better if he isn’t.

“Oh, I didn’t realize it was that late already,” Sakura says beside him, breaking him out of his thoughts.

The bar is lively around them, but the music is at a bearable noise level. She’s looking at her phone, frowning. On the other side of the small table, Naruto pouts.

“It’s not late!” he objects, the beer in his glass sloshing around as he waves his hands around. “We just got here!”

“We’ve been here for three hours, I think,” Hinata says, leaning her cheek on his shoulder.

Sasuke wonders how she manages, the way he moves around so much. Perhaps her body is as soft as her voice, easily following him.

“I told you I have to get up early tomorrow.” Sakura sighs, irritated. She fishes her bag up from the floor, putting her phone inside it. “I really have to get going.”

“I’ll walk you to the station,” Sasuke offers. Not because he particularly wants to, but he’s not in the mood to subject himself to third-wheeling Naruto and Hinata. “I should get going, anyway.”

“What?” Naruto looks disappointed, more disappointed than when Sakura announced her departure. “I thought you were free tomorrow.”

Rolling his eyes, Sasuke swallows down the last of his drink.

“Doesn’t mean I want to stay up all night,” he counters with, easing out of the booth. “I still have to study.”

“You study too much,” Naruto mutters, giving Hinata a smile like an afterthought when she squeezes his arm.

“Maybe if you studied at all you wouldn’t need to panic before every exam,” Sakura nags at him, coming around the table to wait next to Sasuke. “Some of us care about our grades.”

“Nerds.” At least Naruto looks a little happier, and Sasuke hates to think that it’s because he thinks anything’s going to happen between him and Sakura. “Don’t get lost, you two!”

They say their goodbyes, and Sasuke tries to pretend he doesn’t notice how Sakura’s cheeks fill with color when they step outside the bar. She’s put a jacket on, but Sasuke’s fine in his sweater. It’s not cold enough that her blush can be blamed on the weather.

“Thanks for walking me,” she says, hefting her bag higher up her shoulder. She’d joined them straight from the library, researching her latest paper. “You didn’t have to.”

“It’s fine,” he tells her, hands tucked into his sleeves.

He doesn’t want to run the risk of her attempting to reach for his hand. As much as he dislikes her attention, it’s safer if she thinks he’s just playing hard to get. He won’t have to explain, then, why he hasn’t outright told her to give up. He should, he knows. But Naruto would just nudge him towards some other girl, would bother him about it until Sasuke started going on actual dates. It’s touching, how worried he is over Sasuke potentially being lonely.

Too bad Naruto himself is the cause of it.

“You’re not doing anything tomorrow, then?” Sakura asks, stepping aside as they meet a group of half-drunk businessmen. “I’m working until five…”

It would be so easy to invite her out. To suggest a movie, or trying out that new café near campus. To watch her eyes light up with hope, watch her mouth stretch into an excited smile.

“I really do need to study,” he says. “And I’m almost out of clean clothes.”

None of it is a lie, technically. He’s just not sure he’ll actually do either of those things tomorrow.

“Oh.”

She tries to hide her disappointment, and Sasuke is an expert by now at pretending he doesn’t notice. They walk the rest of the way in silence, waving a quick goodbye at the ticket gates as Sakura’s train is due to arrive in just two minutes. Sasuke buys a drink from a vending machine and takes small sips as he waits for his own, mindlessly scrolling through social media. He almost ignores the text Naruto sends.

> Wanna hang out tomorrow?

He contemplates it. On the one hand, yes, of course he wants to. On the other, having an entire day to himself has its appeal.

> I’ll be busy

> Ooh, with sakura?

The train arrives, and Sasuke snags a seat next to a couple too caught up with each other to pay attention to him.

> No

> Got studying and laundry to do

The reply is instant.

> That’s too boring!!! I’m coming over for lunch

> Whatever

He pockets his phone, and stares down at the bottle in his hands for the rest of the trip. It doesn’t help against the warmth rising in his chest. At least he doesn’t do this to Sakura – doesn’t invite himself into her space, ignorant of her feelings. It doesn’t make him feel better.

xxx

Sasuke doesn’t have a lot of friends. He’s got Naruto, and then there’s his small group of friends from high school. Naruto is the only one who still lives nearby. Rather, Sasuke had ended up staying in Konoha like him. It’s a big enough city that most of his classmates are strangers, although slightly less so in their second year. He stayed with his parents for his first year, but when one of his cousins moved abroad for work he took the opportunity to stay at her apartment instead. It’s closer to his university, and if he, potentially, wanted to bring a guy home then no one would know.

He doesn’t think his parents would mind, but there wouldn’t be any privacy. He relishes in it, and Naruto does, too.

“I should just move in with you,” Naruto groans, spread out on his couch. “You wouldn’t believe how annoying my mom was this morning.”

“I think I can believe it,” Sasuke tells him, cleaning up after their lunch. “And just to be clear, I’ve never said you’d be welcome to live here.”

“Stingy,” Naruto grumbles. “How long is your cousin gone, anyway?”

Shrugging, Sasuke dries off the counter just for something to do with his hands.

“A year at least. We’ll see. So it’s not like I’ll be living here forever.”

“But still!”

“Where would you even sleep?”

Naruto happily pats the couch. When Sasuke scowls at him, he simply grins.

“Come on,” Naruto says. “I want to watch a movie.”

“I wasn’t lying when I said I need to study.”

Still, he gives in too easily. Naruto lifts his legs to give him room, dumping them all over Sasuke’s lap once he sits down. It’s things like this that makes Sasuke’s heart refuse to give up. He leans his elbow on the back of the couch, cheekbone pressed to his closed fist. He doesn’t say anything when Naruto picks a drama at random, letting him comment on the plot as much as he wants. Watching movies with Naruto is certainly never quiet, and he winces as Naruto kicks his legs as he shouts his anger at the main character.

When the movie ends, Naruto doesn’t start a new one. Instead he chews on his bottom lip, playing with the remote. Sasuke considers getting up to use the toilet, maybe suggesting going to the corner store for snacks, but then Naruto clears his throat suspiciously.

“What?” he asks, irritated when Naruto takes his time.

“So, how are things going with Sakura?”

He resists the urge to pinch his nose. He still lets out a heavy breath, not quite a sigh but close enough that Naruto frowns.

“I mean,” Naruto continues, “you could just ask her out. She’s definitely going to say yes.”

Sasuke shifts, uncomfortable. Naruto’s legs are still on top of his. His socks have little frogs on them.

“I’ve told you I’m not really into the idea of a relationship right now.”

“Uh-huh.” Naruto rolls his eyes, pushing himself up and finally removing his legs, crossing them at the ankles instead. “Sounds like excuses to me.”

“Just drop it, Naruto.”

“But if you get together things will be so much easier,” Naruto insists, poking at his arm. “We can go on double dates, and stuff.”

Sending him a glare, Sasuke pulls a leg up to his chest. It won’t prevent Naruto if he decides to get comfy on his lap again, but it might make him think twice at least. Naruto’s only wearing shorts, and all that naked skin isn’t good for his heart. It’s definitely too cold for it, but Naruto’s never been one to care about the weather.

“We already go places together.”

“Yeah, but it’s not the same!”

Sasuke pinches his lips, looking away. If he’s not careful, those large blue eyes will convince him to cave in, and then he’ll find himself with a girlfriend. He does a lot for Naruto, but there are limits.

“I’m not going to ask her out,” he mutters, knowing it will only lead to more questioning.

Sure enough, Naruto makes a noise of protest.

“But you haven’t rejected her either!”

“She hasn’t asked me out either.”

“It’s obvious she likes you.”

“That’s her problem.”

Naruto kicks at his thigh, using his heel. He looks properly annoyed now, as if Sasuke is a petulant child, refusing to do what’s best for him.

“If you got over yourself for a minute, you’d realize what a catch she is!”

He doesn’t reply. Let Naruto think he’s just stubborn, or an asshole, or whatever. Let him think Sasuke’s just stringing her along, keeping her attention while refusing to commit. It’s better than the alternative.

“Leave it, Naruto,” he warns, getting up and moving to the kitchen. “We’re not talking about this.”

At least Naruto doesn’t follow him, though it doesn’t make much of a difference. The apartment is small, no wall separating the kitchen from the living room. He searches through his cabinets, locating a forgotten bag of wasabi peas. He throws them at Naruto’s head.

“Eat these and shut up,” he says.

To his relief, Naruto does as told.

xxx

He picks up the call from Karin half-distracted, mind still stuck on a question for tomorrow’s seminar. As usual, she doesn’t wait for him to say hi, making her wince with the volume of her voice.

“Do you have any idea how tiring it is to listen to Naruto whine about you?” she starts with, the background noise suggesting she’s outdoors. “Can’t you just tell him you’re gay and put me out of my misery.”

“No thanks.” He drops his pen on his desk, rubbing at his eyes. He regrets not going to the university library, at least then he wouldn’t have been able to pick up the call. “Was that all? I’m kind of busy.”

“You know, this is exactly why I moved away,” she continues, ignoring him. “I thought I could get away from all the high school-level drama. Just get yourself a boyfriend, and go on those stupid double dates my cousin is so desperately yearning for. How hard can it be?!”

He can feel a headache incoming, and he rubs his fingertips between his brows. Naruto had sulked for hours the day before, until Sasuke got sick of it and threw him out. It was definitely backhanded of him to call Karin and complain.

“If you really wanted to be left out of it, why are you calling me? That’s the opposite of not getting involved.”

“Because it’s really painful and I’m morally obligated as the only person with functional brain cells to tell you to move on. Juugo’s too nice to say it and Suigetsu would give you terrible advice and sit back and watch. I’m being nicer to you than you deserve.”

“By telling me to move on,” Sasuke deadpans, wondering why his parents couldn’t have settled down somewhere else.

“Well, someone has to do it! Clearly I’m the gay cousin in the family, so you’re screwed. Might as well get over it and get laid.”

“I really hate you sometimes, you know that?”

She huffs at him, traffic and broken conversations filtering through the phone. There’s the jingle of a shop’s door, and the noise cuts off.

“Your pining is just getting sad,” she eventually replies, distractedly. “Trust me, I know my cousin. He’s not worth it.”

Something unpleasant churns in Sasuke’s stomach. He wants to argue with her that he is worth it, but he doesn’t want to land himself in an hour-long lecture if he can help it. He rolls his neck, making a face. She’s got a point, but he doesn’t enjoy hearing it. His life would be a lot simpler if he could find someone who made him forget about Naruto. He’s just not sure it’s fair to expect someone to instantly replace a lifetime of friendship.

“I don’t think I should have to come out just because Naruto irritates you,” is what he says instead, leaning back in his chair. “What if my parents find out and disown me? You want to be responsible for that?”

“Sasuke,” she sighs, “your brother is literally gay and your parents love his boyfriend.”

“So?”

“Stop. Making. Excuses.”

He bites his cheek, holding back a denial. He’s not worried about his parents, he’s worried about Naruto’s reaction. That things will change between them. That he’ll think Sasuke has feelings for him, which would be correct but would also ruin absolutely everything.

“I’ll… consider it,” he concedes, after a long silence, during which Karin has finished buying whatever it was she needed.

“Really? Because I’m going to hold you to that.”

He sighs.

“Next time I’m not picking up when you call me.”

xxx

A few weeks pass, and not much changes. Naruto still takes up too much space in his head and life, Sakura continues to drop hints but refuses to make the first move, and Hinata is still as lovely as ever. She doesn’t seem to have much of a personality other than being Naruto’s girlfriend, but to be fair Sasuke hasn’t precisely paid attention or tried to get to know her. Naruto’s birthday is drawing closer, and he can’t bring himself to do anything to break the status quo before then.

He’s been considering it, though. It would be a relief to stop pretending. He can’t imagine himself finding a boyfriend, though, because where would he even meet someone? It’s too awkward to use a dating app, and he’s not precisely social. He doesn’t have any experience, either, if you don’t count those childish games they played sometimes when they were younger. And that one time Naruto kissed him by accident when they were twelve.

Because of this, he’s really not expecting it when one day in class, just as the lecture ends, his eyes fall on the messenger bag that the guy next to him has just finished packing. There’s a rainbow pin on it, and Sasuke blurts out his question before he can stop to think about it.

“Are you gay?”

He only lifts his eyes from the pin when the surprised silence stretches out a bit too long. Their eyes meet, and the other boy is staring at him like he’s not sure how to react.

“Uh,” he says eventually, fingers clenching around the bag’s strap. “I mean, yes? But if you’re thinking about the pin it’s just a regular rainbow…”

He trails off, and Sasuke feels his cheeks heat up a bit. He can’t believe he just asked, when he himself has gone to such lengths to make sure no one made such assumptions about him.

“Sorry,” he apologizes. “I shouldn’t have asked.”

“It’s fine.”

Maybe he should know the guy’s name, but he doesn’t. He’s pretty short, hair dyed a light brown and glasses perched on his nose. Cute, but Sasuke’s not sure he’s his type. He’s not sure he has a type, other than Naruto.

“Are you gay?” the guy asks him, eyebrows rising above the frame of his glasses.

Sasuke licks his lips. He could say no, but to what end?

“I am,” he forces out, breathing in a deep breath.

“Oh.” There’s red color blooming on the other boy’s face, his eyes flickering to the side for a moment. “I was kind of hoping, but, um… I mean, hoping sounds weird! Sorry, I just wasn’t expecting you to ask outright.”

When Sasuke stands up, he realizes he’s almost a head taller than him.

“I’m Sasuke,” he offers, clicking his laptop shut and slowly sliding it into his bag.

“I know. I mean! I’m Hiroshi. Nice to meet you.”

Sasuke nods, and awkwardly turns to leave. Hiroshi stops him with a hand to his arm, though, and Sasuke swallows nervously as the turns back. He’s not interested in Hiroshi, not really, but he’s never been asked out by a boy before and the novelty of the situation is getting to him.

“Do you, um, are you busy right now? We could have lunch?”

He weighs the pros and cons in his mind. As nervous as Hiroshi looks, there’s a determined glint in his eyes that sways Sasuke over.

“Okay,” he says, and just like that he’s doing what Karin told him to do.

He’s trying, at least.

xxx

Over the course of a week, including having coffee together and a visit to the aquarium, Sasuke learns a lot about Hiroshi. Or Hiro, as he likes his friends to call him. They don’t have too much in common, but they’re both gay and studying agricultural economics. Once Hiro gets over his initial shyness, Sasuke finds he’s got a great sense of humor and won’t hesitate to poke fun at him.

It’s a breath of relief, to spend time with someone who doesn’t know him from before. He didn’t realize how much he needed it – just being able to be himself, without constantly keeping himself in check.

He can’t fool himself to think it’s enough to replace Naruto, but maybe he doesn’t need to replace him. Maybe it’s enough that Hiro seems to like him. He doesn’t really think about it, when he invites Hiro over on a Saturday night, after they’d had dinner at a nice udon place.

“Oh, wow,” Hiro says as he steps into Sasuke’s apartment, making an impressed face. “Nice place.”

“It’s my cousin’s, so no need to sound so impressed.”

Hiro rolls his eyes, taking off his shoes and jacket and following Sasuke inside.

“Alright, I’ll try to keep it in,” he teases, sitting on the couch when Sasuke motions him towards it. “But it must be nice, to have your own place like this. The dorms are fine, but I can’t exactly bring guys there.”

Humming his agreement, Sasuke grabs two cans of soda from the fridge, handing one of them to Hiro when he sinks down on the couch next to him.

“Want to watch something?”

Hiro nods, and Sasuke brings the TV to life. He’s not expecting anything to happen – they’ve only known each other a week. He’s still coming to terms with having a friend other than Karin he can talk to like this, and she doesn’t really count since there was never the potential for anything to happen between them. Hiro is… potentially someone Sasuke could date. At least there’s nothing wrong with him, not yet, and Sasuke’s easing himself into the idea of getting to know him better.

He finds a movie at random, some sci-fi that doesn’t look terrible. The movie turns into background noise as they talk, Hiro’s eyes watching his face more than the screen. It’s nice, in a new, exhilarating way, to have a guy’s attention on him like this. He’s not sure what to do with it. When Hiro moves closer, knee touching Sasuke’s thigh, hand resting on the back of the couch and occasionally touching his neck, Sasuke can’t find it in him to move away.

It feels like a secret, shared between the two of them. He thinks of Naruto for a long moment, allows himself the pain lacing through his chest as he imagines light brown hair replaced with blond, dark eyes replaced with blue. Then, he pushes it away, tells himself he can have this. The emotions are only his own.

It’s all happening too fast when Hiro grows bold, leaning in to press their mouths together, but he doesn’t care. It’s no one’s business if he spends the evening on his couch with a boy in his lap, a boy who isn’t his best friend.

The pain is easier to swallow if he tells himself that he’s the only one hurt.

[dizzydancingdreamer]

Showers and Cuddles and Blood, Oh My! | The Mikaelson Boys

Hey lovelies! Coming at you with another Mikaelson boys sharing fic because the last one seemed to go over well! I'll probably continue on that route if the response stays the same. I mean, heck, if I can have all three I'll take all three so why not! Hope y'all enjoy! Stay tuned for more, I have some juicy stuff in the works ;) Much love <3

Description: Elijah and Klaus leave Y/n with Kol for the weekend while they're out hunting enemies, all is well until they return, scared and hurt. Y/n works her magic Y/n powers and makes it all better. Happy ending yay!

Pairing: The Mikaelson Boys x Fem!Reader, leaned in Klaus' favor

Warnings: THIS IS AN 18+ ONLY FIC!!! Angst-y, mentions of blood and battle, Smut (not full, just foreplay things)

Word count: 3909

Tags: FLUFF, angst-ish, smut

(Photos not mine but the mood board is :) )

“Kol, pass the popcorn,” you yell at him from across the living room without dragging your eyes from the television screen, not willing to miss a second of The Bachelor just because he’s hogging the snacks.

He’s had the bowl in his lap for the vast majority of the show, slowly munching away on the goodies you had made. If he was on the couch with you there wouldn't be a problem, you could just scoot over and you wouldn’t have to look away, but he’s on an armchair across the room. To be fair, you had made him sit there. You didn’t want him to distract you. Kol’s attention span is worse than a kindergarteners and when he gets bored he gets touchy. Literally. One caress from Kol would pull all your attention, a risk you were not willing to take.

You can feel his gaze on the side of your face but you remain strong, “why don’t you come get it, huh princess? Isn’t it lonely over there?”

He’s bored and trying to make you cave. His words hit hard in the pit of your stomach and your thighs clench. Your cheeks flame but you refuse to pull your eyes from the scuba date this bachelor has taken his date on. You can’t remember her name. She’s blonde and tall, but so are all the others girls on the show. You’re only a couple episodes in so you’re yet to really lock down the details. To be honest, you don’t ever really remember the names until the last couple episodes.

You can hear him start crunching again and you swear you see red for a second, “Kol, damnit, give me the popcorn. Now!”

All he does is laugh, pushing you over the edge. One second you're on the couch and the next you’re across the room, ripping the bowl from his loose grip. You don’t eat it, though, you just resist the urge to throw it across the room before setting it on the coffee table. His face is smug as you stand in front of him, simmering with something hot. It’s not rage though and that pisses you off. He won and he knows it.

He leans forward, pulling you by your hips towards him, a sultry smirk on his face, “come here.”

He scoops you onto his lap, pulling your mouth to his and wrapping his arms around your shoulders. You sigh into his mouth, your legs dangling over the edge of the chair. Your hands find his hair and tug gently at the roots. You can feel him smile against your lips.

“It’s impossible to watch anything with you in the same room,” you mumble as his lips trace your neck, stifling a traitorous moan, “this is the third time I've attempted this episode.”

“I’m sorry,” no he’s not, “I just missed you.”

How he could miss you even slightly right now you have no idea. Elijah and Klaus have been gone for a few days, off hunting an enemy they refused to tell you about, leaving you to the youngest Miakelson’s wills for the entire weekend. To say you’ve left his sight for even a few minutes would be lying. Not that you didn’t soak up every second of time with him. It’s not everyday you get to be alone with one of them without feeling bad about ignoring the others. It’s a tricky situation.

His hands grip the edge of your tee, ready to pull it off, “you’ve had me to yourself for three days. An hour without touching me will not kill you, Kol.”

Even as you say it you cant help but attach you lips to his neck, leaving a few small kisses before sucking harshly at the base of his throat. His hand grips your hip and you know that if you were still a human it would have left bruises. The other wraps in your hair, pushing you against him a little bit harder.

“Ah, fuck, yes it will, princess.”

He starts lifting your shirt when the front door opens. Heavy footsteps land in the front hall and the smell of mud and something sharp hits your nose. You pull back from Kol slightly and he doesn’t protest, just as intent on listening.

“I, fuck,” you hear Klaus hiss from the near the door, causing your heartbeat to spike, “I’m not healing as fast as I should be.”

As fast as it had spiked, your heart stops, “it’s the wolfsbane, she knew it would slow the process.”

You look into Kol’s eyes, your blood running cold, a feeling you had forgotten existed. As soon as he nods you’re flying out of the den and into the front hall where you stop dead in your tracks. There you find Elijah. At least, you think it’s Elijah. It’s hard to tell who it is by the sheer amount of mud caked onto their body. Head to toe, mingled with something bright red. You already know what it is. Wherever there isn't mud on his body there’s blood, still wet in some places. You can smell the metallic tinge in the air and your heart breaks.

What’s worse is his face. His eyes look shattered. Like all the life has been drained from them. Your chest squeezes painfully at the sight. Your Elijah, your rock, ready to crumble. His hands shake at his sides. He just stands there, looking at you like you’re about to disappear. Klaus is no where to be seen.

“Y/n,” Elijah falls to his knees, the thud echoing through the silent house, “baby.”

His voice is small and, if it’s even possible, scared. In less than a second you’re in front of him, hugging him impossibly tight to your stomach. His arms wrap around your waist as he clings to you desperately. He’s trembling in your arms. You feel like someone’s hand is wrapped around your heart, crushing it. You move to sit down, pulling him against your chest.

“Eli, what happened honey?” Your hands bury themselves in his hair and you wish for his sake that it was under the same circumstances as it was with Kol.

“There were too many, Y/n, they must have had close to a hundred men,” he pulls you onto his knees, burying his face in your neck, “they weakened us before they attacked. I don’t know how. Magic, maybe. Sealed off the land so we couldn’t get out. They just kept coming, I’ve never seen anything like it. Even after their hearts were out they kept coming.”

For a man who has seen the very worst that war has had to offer, he speaks like he can’t comprehend the battle he was in. Like all the wars before this one, even combined, were nothing compared to what he just witnessed. His words make you cry for him. They make you angry like you’ve never been before. You clutch him tighter to you, placing a kiss to his matted hair. His relieved sigh brings some comfort but not enough to make this all better.

“I was so scared, baby,” he chokes on his words, his voice dripping with cold relief, “I thought I was never going to see you again.”

You sob at his words, burying your face against his head. Somehow, beneath all the mud and blood, there's still a hint of Elijah. This faint pine scent that makes you crumble against him and hold on for dear life.

“They did something to Klaus,” your heart drops further in your stomach, “they injected him with something. I think it was wolfsbane but I don’t think that’s all. He’s not healing as fast as he normally does.”

You gasp at his words, “Elijah?”

He shifts, pulling back slightly. There are tracks on his cheeks, glimpses of skin, where he had been crying. You reach to wipe some of the dirt from his face, letting your own tears flow freely. He turns his head into your hand, closing his eyes for a moment and kissing your palm. For the first time since he got home you see him smile slightly.

“He needs you, baby,” always the noble one, your Elijah.

You look at him, reluctant to leave him like this, “Elijah I-”

His warm lips cut you off. You revel in his taste. It hasn’t changed and for that you’re eternally grateful. He kisses you slowly, his hands cradling your face carefully. You savour every second his lips are on yours, memorizing every line and curve. You could stay in this moment for a life time.

But Klaus needs you, too.

“Go, I'll see you soon,” he places one last kiss to your lips, smirking slightly, “besides, I really need a shower.”

You run your hand over his hair one last time, pulling out of his hold and making your way up the stairs to Klaus’ room. Any of the relief you had felt from Elijah disappears as fast as it had come. There are muddy boot prints leading to his door, his jacket, sopping and caked in grime, dropped on the floor. His flannel, less caked in mud and more so in blood, piled a few feet away from the jacket. It brings tears to your eyes once more. The part that makes your heart stop, though, is the scent. You can smell the blood before you're even halfway down the hall, hot and tangy.

A sharp bang sounds from inside his room, followed by a pained groan. You knock lightly on the door, unsure of whether or not to just walk in.

“Go away, Elijah,” he sounds angry but his voice lacks it’s usual passion.

“It’s not Elijah. It’s me, Klaus, it’s Y/n,” your voice is quiet but you know he can hear you.

He pauses for a moment and your chest constricts, wanting nothing but to hold him and make it all better.

Then you hear it, he’s crying, “Y/n?”

As soon as he says your name, sobs your name, you’re through the door. At the sight of him, as it was with Elijah, the wind is knocked from your lungs. He’s on his knees, a ghostly parallel to his brother, but he’s bleeding. He is coated in blood from head to toe. His arms got the worst of it, soaked to his elbows like a pair of crimson gloves. There are slices all the way down his torso, deep ones. His head rests on his hands, his shoulders shaking furiously from the cries wracking his body. Klaus has never been small but right now, curled on his bedroom floor, he looks undeniably smaller.

“Oh, baby,” your voice is a hoarse whisper and he looks up at you with tortured eyes, his mouth falling open.

You run to him, falling to your knees before him, letting him pull you against his chest. His skin is hot, working in overdrive to heal the cuts. You rest your face in the crook of his neck, kissing his skin softly. Your arms wrap around his chest, trying to avoid his wounds but it’s impossible. They’re everywhere.

He clutches you tightly, his body shaking uncontrollably, “it was mother, she turned these hybrids into something else. Dark magic or something. They were dead but they kept coming.”

When he pulls away slightly to glimpse at your eyes, your breath catches in your throat. Up close you see them, bites. All over his arms and chest. Huge hunks of skin torn from parts of his body. Thankfully, they appear to be healing but not nearly fast enough for your liking. Your eyes well up again and you let the tears drop with his. He’s terrified. Your soldier is painfully afraid and it breaks your heart for the millionth time today.

“Klaus, what can I do, you need to tell me what to do sweetheart,” your hands cup his face, trying to wipe the droplets but they keep coming.

He sighs into your touch, his shoulders relaxing slightly, “just stay with me for a little while. Please, love? Don’t leave.”

Your heart aches for him thinking he even needs to ask, “of course I won’t. I’m not going anywhere. It’s just you and me, darling.”

He nods, standing on shakey legs. You follow suit, letting him pull you into a proper hug. Now that he’s on two legs, he towers over you, his face pushed into your hair, breathing deeply. After what feels like hours, he stops shaking. You just stand there, your arms tied around his waist, rubbing circles on his back. He still feels strong under your touch. He’s still your Klaus. Just a little bit worse from the wear.

“Come on, let’s get you cleaned up, yeah?”

You run your hand over his face before grabbing his hand and pulling him with you to his attached bathroom. He follows without protest, moving his hands to your hips as you lead him towards the glassed in shower. You let him go for just a second while you start the shower which elicits a groan of protest. You turn the dial to a gloriously warm stream before going back to the muddy blonde. Your muddy blonde.

You reach up, drawing his lips to yours in a gentle kiss. He dips into your touch, pulling away to lean his head on your shoulder. You reach for the button of his jeans, popping it open with both hands. He places a soft kiss to your shoulder, just as you had earlier. You’re pushing him to keep touching you. It will ground him. You tug the zipper down before stepping away.

You give him a millimeter smile and revel in the way that, despite everything he’s been through, his eyes still dance over your figure when you pull the tee over your head. Your chest swells in pride that you can make him forget some of the pain and let it give way to love. You step out of your leggings next, letting them pool at your feet. His eyes roam every dip and curve of your body, igniting some of the fire that has been missing.

Standing in front of him, you’re left in nothing but your black bra and matching panties. He pushes his own jeans down his legs, leaving them as he walks back to you, twirling you so your back is to his chest. It’s working. His hands on your back make you shiver. His fingers trace your spine lightly, trailing up until they stop at your bra clasp. His lips land on the back of your neck, pushing your hair to the side as he nips lightly at the skin. His fingers skillfully undo your bra, pushing the straps down your arms until it falls, joining the growing pile of clothes at your feet.

His arms circle around you, pulling you flush against his hot chest, “so beautiful, love.”

You release the breath that you didn’t know you were holding at the sound of his voice. He sounds better, a little more Klaus like. A little more in control. His hands are flat on your stomach, dragging down you abdomen. His thumbs hook in your panties as he pulls them down your legs. They, too, join the pile at your feet. He grips your hips with strong hands, pressing another kiss to your shoulder, pulling your skin back into his mouth and biting down harder with blunt teeth.

You spin in his arms, drawing his face down to yours once more, “Come on, darling, water’s getting cold.

You press a quick kiss to his parted lips before scampering into the shower, a cheeky grin plastered on your face. He wastes no time in pushing the boxers down his legs and joining you under the warm water. He hisses quietly when the water hits the bites, closing his eyes. You pull him into your arms for a moment, allowing him to adjust to the pain. You can’t imagine what he’s going through right now.

When he opens his eyes again, you grab a washcloth that’s hanging idily to the side and a half empty bottle of soap. The label says ocean breeze and you can’t help but giggle. You lather the soap, which, for the record, actually smells pretty good, over the cloth before bringing one of his arms to your chest. That’s where you start, rubbing the material gently over his stained fingers, watching the stream of water pool deep red at your feet before swirling down the drain.

When you finish with his first arm, you move to the next. Over his bicep, down his forearm, caressing his wrist and palm like you had the other. He sighs when you place a kiss to his knuckles, gently putting his arm back by his side. Somewhere between his left arm and his right he had let his head fall back against the shower wall. Your heart soars to see him finally start to relax.

You move next to his chest, beginning at his collar bone. You run the cloth over the nastiest bite, one of the only ones still left healing. Klaus grips your waist when you do, clenching his jaw tightly.

“I know hun,” you coo to him, kissing his tensed face, “I need to do it, though. It’s almost over.”

He doesn’t answer, not verbally at least. He just wraps his arm around your shoulder, placing a kiss to the side of your head and letting you continue. You do your best to rub the dirt away quickly before leaving it be. You move down his chest, over his defined muscles, swirling the cloth over his skin lightly, drawing some quiet groans from his lips. They aren’t pained this time, however. They're something else. More familiar. Hotter.

You run the cloth down his toned stomach, savouring every crevice and dip, drowning in the praises that are flowing louder from his mouth. Heat grows rapidly in the pit of your stomach and before you know it you’re holding back your own sounds. Your head falls against his chest, his hand wrapped in your sopping hair, as you pass his belly button.

“Fuck,” he yanks your head up, crushing his mouth against yours deliciously.

The cloth falls from your hands, replaced with his shoulders which your grip furiously when he flips you around, pushing your back against the tiled wall. His mouth moves to your neck, sucking harshly and drawing the first moan from your lips. His fingers draw down your shoulders, tracing the curve of your breasts, his thumbs rolling over your nipples, pulling a gasp from your mouth.

“Klaus,” you’re panting and he’s hardly touched you, “this is supposed to be about you.”

“Trust me, love, it is,” he says before placing his mouth over one of your breasts.

Your hand flies to hair, holding his head against you, the other clutching desperately at the shower wall behind you. His hands find your hips, holding you against the wall beautifully. He bites down lightly on your nipple before running his tongue over it soothingly. Your whole body feels like it’s on fire, everywhere he touches you white hot. His blue eyes find yours through the water streaming around you, shining brilliantly for the first time since you found him.

His hand dips down, trailing fire down your stomach, until his fingers swipe over your clit once, then it’s lightening. His eyes are on you, watching every little movement you make. He does it again, drawing closer to your core, his thumb circling your most sensitive part. He stands up fully again, his lips finding your ear, tugging it between his teeth.

“God, Klaus,” you’re a mess at his touch, “please.”

He smirks at you, pausing his actions, his voice a husky whisper against your skin, “what should I do, love? Tell me. Shall I take my time or finish this now?”

He’s back. This is the Klaus that you’re used to. Fully self-aware and dominant. Strong. Above all though, he’s undeniably yours and yours alone.

“I- Klaus,” you tug his hair, pulling to try and regain a semblance of control, “I need you.”

He kisses your earlobe once more, his voice low and sultry, “as you wish, darling.”

* * * * *

What feels like hours later you emerge from the shower, dripping and sensitive but beyond happy, a pleased Klaus trailing close behind you. His hands refuse to leave your body as you lead him into his bedroom. There he opens his dresser, pulling out a black t-shirt that will most definitely swallow you and a pair of boxers and handing them to you before choosing a pair of grey sweatpants for himself. You pull his shirt over your still wet hair, revelling in his scent. You follow it with his boxers, fully embraced in all things Klaus.

“Now that is a sight that will never get old, love,” Klaus’ breath tickles the back of your neck as his arms wrap around you.

You lean into his touch, playing back the memories of his body tangled with yours under the shower once more.

“Back at you, Sweetheart,” and you mean it, he looks positively eddible in those sweatpants.

He growls lowly, sending another incessant wave of heat through your body, “love we need to leave this room before Elijah tears the door of it’s hinges. I’ve been listening to him and Kol pace for the better half of two hours.”

“Kol,” you say loud enough for him hear from anywhere in the house, which isn't very loud honestly, “can wait. He has had three days. He needs to learn to share.”

You swear you can hear him pouting from the kitchen as Klaus chuckles softly. Footsteps echo up the stairs, stopping right outside the door. You smile up at the blue-eyed blonde in your arms, knowing exactly who it is. He kisses your forehead, mouthing that he’ll meet you soon.

You open the door to face a tired but grinning Elijah, “Kol can wait but I'm just about done, baby.”

You can’t help but admire him, standing in the doorway in a simple hoodie and shorts. This is the side of him that only you get.

“Well, sir, how can I argue with that?”

“Uh huh,” he shakes his head at you, pulling you into his arms, making you erupt with giggles when he walks away, leading you back to the den where this all began.

You wave to Klaus, who winks back at you, mirth laced deep in his irises. You tuck your head into the crook of his neck, closing your eyes, finally at peace.

The night ends with the four of you cuddled on the largest couch in the den. Your back is against Elijah’s chest, his arms circled tight around you, not letting you go for anything. Klaus’ head is in your lap, his legs sprawled behind him on the remaining length of the couch. One of your hands is laced through his hair. His are clutching your legs. He’s fast asleep. Kol sits on the floor, your other hand resting around his shoulder, pulling him to lean back against your side. There's a fresh bowl of popcorn on his lap. He still isn’t sharing any of it. The television screen shows the image of a man and a woman scuba diving together. You couldn’t be happier to finally relax with all three of your Mikaelson men.

[yayteaberry]

*SFW* Sunflower (Momo)

In retrospect, you may have had a crush on Momo from the moment you officially met her. That would’ve been your third year of school, when you came to Japan.

You were born in America but the hero programs in any state didn’t compare to UA, so your parents moved to Sakai to pursue your education in the hopes that it’d give you an edge. And that’s how you met Momo, instantly making friends with her as she seemed like she needed one.

Naturally you’ve always been extroverted, Momo being a more reclusive child meant that it was a perfect contrast of excitability to her peacefulness.

For some reason you were enamored with her, you’d follow her to the ends of the earth if she asked it of you. A strong bond formed that way, that promise to be there for each other goes both ways. Honestly you might be in love with her at this point.

It’d be difficult to say you weren’t, everything she did seemed perfect to you. She’s incredibly smart, adorable near constantly, admirable in her goals, there isn’t a thing you would change even if you could.

Today has gone the usual pace, extremely boring until combat training, and extremely boring after. Taking English seems a little unnecessary to you right now, but you do understand that a large part of marketing depends on western audiences since they’re the ones who tend to go overboard on obsessing over such things.

All in all, you find it worth it since Momo loves the current unit studying the Shakespeare play ‘romeo and juliet’.

“It’s just so romantic!”, Momo gushes before taking a sip of tea, “I can’t stop thinking about that quote, ‘A rose by any name would smell as sweet’.”

You nod, “It really is.”

The both of you are relaxing in the dorms common room, idly watching a show you’ve never seen before on TV. She’s sat next to you on the couch, legs crossed with her plate for her cup resting on her upper thigh, you sitting as unladylike as humanly possible per the usual.

“Roses are romantic in general, I’d hope to encapsulate their atmosphere of love and dedication. Maybe someday I’ll remind someone of one.”, she says wistfully.

You shake your head with a chuckle, “Well you’ve never reminded me of one, I think they’re overrated. You remind me of a sunflower.”

“Is that a crack at my height?”, she quips dryly, putting her cup down with a quiet ‘clink’.

“Nah, I’m pretty sure I’m an inch taller for one,”, you say passively as you sit up, invested in the fight scene playing out, “and for two it’s because of who you are as a person. They’re tall, sure, but nobody really thinks of that first when they think of one.”

“Well what do they think of?” She asks curiously, more focused on you than the TV.

“Warmth. Comfort. Strength. A rose is delicate, they need a specific type of dirt, a specific allotment of water per day or they’ll wilt and die. Sunflowers are resilient and function with anything thrown their way. They root themselves in rocky soil, they withstand hostile wind, it’s common for them to be the only sunflower in that particular spot despite all those aesthetic pictures of ‘em in fields.” You aren’t thinking about what you’re saying, just letting it all flow freely without the usual censoring you do. “They’re a beautiful flower no matter what, but they handle themselves with a composition that roses couldn’t ever hope to achieve. When I think of a rose I think of a borderline sickly and needy little thing, when I think of a sunflower I think of tenacity and adaptability.”

Too absorbed into the show, you don’t see the pink across the bridge of her nose or the way her eyes are wide open, unsure of how she should respond, so she doesn’t. You barely remember you’ve said anything at all, time passing smoothly for you.

Though you lose interest once all the action is over, turning to see what Momo is up to since she’s been quiet for a while. Like she usually does when lost in thought, she’s got her eyebrows knitted together as she stares a hole into the carpet, drumming her fingers along her cup.

“Whatcha thinkin about?”, you ask as you scoot closer to her, breaking her out of her mental labyrinth.

She blinks a few times and offers an odd laugh, “O-Oh! Nothing, just… Nothing! It’s nothing.”

“Okay?”, you say with a drawn out O, “You absolutely sure it’s nothing?” 

With a nod she stands, dropping the cup's plate onto the floor. She swipes it up before you can even bend over for it, hurriedly shuffling off towards the dorm kitchen without another word.

You just sit in place, seriously confused over the abnormal behavior.

… Did what’s playing on TV bother her? Sometimes she thinks about the logistics of certain things too hard but there’s nothing that happened that should upset her like that.

After a solid ten minutes passes and she doesn’t return, you follow her into the kitchen to see if she’s still there.

She is, just as you suspected, leaning against the counter with a hand at the side of her face as she’s gotten lost in thought again.

"Hey?", you say to announce your presence, which doesn't work to get her attention so you stand beside her and give a concerned hum, "Momo?"

That works well enough, her jumping slightly. "Y-yes?"

 "Are you okay? You're not usually like this, what's wrong?", worrying for her well-being leaks into your words, tone drenched with it.

"... It's just...", she pauses to give a frustrated grunt at her inability to express herself how she internally wants, "Just, I can't stop thinking about what you said."

Your heart sinks into your stomach at that, what did you say to her!?

"I guess I didn't see how much I feared that I was fragile, I tend to stiffen up sometimes and I'm more sheltered than others because of my well off background. It means a lot that you said what you did, validates me more than I thought I needed." She smiles and sighs, "More so, I don't understand why it's making me react like this." It's now that you notice how her cheeks are tinted pink, her awkward posture adding to her cute appearance.

"Huh, I'm glad I could help you feel better then.", you say as you force your eyes off of her and onto the coffee pot across the room. 

"Hearing that was nearly hypnotizing, I couldn't stop staring at you!", she giggles as she speaks, "It's like that made me fall in love with you even more!" At first you were going to laugh with her but that second sentence has you frozen, sight locked onto her as you turn bright red. 

She meets your eyes and neither of you can do anything now, locked into a standstill as her words hang in the air. You're looping it over and over in your head already, only able to remember bits and pieces of what you'd said to her earlier despite how desperately you're tugging at your memory.

Does... She feels the same..?

You open your mouth to speak but only huff with a nervous chuckle, rubbing at the back of your neck as your brain turns to mush. A second attempt proves just as successful, until you decide to just go for it. Fuck it, you've been holding back on this for years now.

"Momo," you say tenderly as you take both of her hands into yours, "I think... N-No, it's definite, I know that how I feel about you is concrete."

Her eyes glance down to your lips briefly, tempting you to do the same, finding that it makes you light headed to indulge in thinking about how plush her lips are. She takes care of herself extremely well, her skin is always so ungodly soft and you know those lips have to be the same, it's a guilty pleasure of yours to daydream about what it'd be like.

Here's your chance.

Taking the lead, you lean in close with hesitance, gauging her reaction. Like a deer in headlights she stands in place, though when you stop moving you notice that she'd been leaning in too. Your heart feels like it might pop from the tension, her hands squeezing yours in anticipation.

"Heya, kero.", chirps Tsuyu as she wanders into the kitchen innocently, not noticing the moment she was now a part of because she's making a line straight for the fridge, unaware of the position you're in.

Just as your lips brush against hers you recoil to turn towards your friend, letting go of Momo as you turn tomato red, ears burning with embarrassment.

"Hi!", you nearly shout back with way too much volume, smiling tensely, taking a step away from Momo.

Tsuyu grabs a can of soda and closes the fridge, opening it as she looks directly at you both. "... Is everything okay here?"

"Yes! Perfect! Couldn't be better!", you nearly cut her off with your over-enthusiastic response. You go to spare Momo a glance only to watch as she flees the scene, making you jealous and lonely at the same time.

Tsuyu hums sarcastically, “Sure. Better go say something to her before the moment passes.”

“What moment?” Even you have to admit that you’re a terrible liar.

She rolls her eyes as she pops the tab on her can, calmly walking towards the common room.

You give yourself a second to panic before you lightly jog towards the girls wing, knowing she’s likely smothering herself in her bed right now.

When you get to her door, you find yourself hesitating.

She’s your best friend! You can totally talk to her about this!

… Except that you just confirmed your feelings for her, something you’ve never talked about in any way.

Neither of you have ever discussed having a crush with one another, it just didn’t happen intense enough to merit a conversation. You make a jokes about how you’re likely a lesbian, does that count?

Ah why is this so difficult! She was about to kiss you, she feels the same way you do! Unless she didn’t… Oh god what if she wasn’t doing anything because she wasn’t into it. Oh god! How can you ever be near her again if she actually did mean that comment as a joke?

Is that why she ran off? Does she need time alone? Would you be intruding? Is this crossing a line?

In the middle of your anxiety digging a hole into your brain, her door opens, snapping you out of it.

There she stands, as pink as ever, fidgeting with her hands as she keeps her sight firmly on the floor. You try to say something but your words catch in your throat, rendering both of you useless for the moment.

“I-I think I’m in love with you!”, in blurt-mode you say that at an unacceptable volume for such a phrase, hands balled at your sides to help you force it out. “No one compares to you in my life, t-there’s never been anyone like you that I’ve even heard about! And, and I just, god, Momo I wanna kiss you so bad it’s stupid,”

Like a caveman pouring her heart out, you put it all on the table, awaiting the response of the potential love of your life. She’s not fragile physically but emotionally she really can be, for a moment you contemplate whether you ruined everything by being so upfront.

Though it’s all dismissed when she surprises you by closing the gap and kissing you, grabbing at your forearms to keep balance. Your eyes are wide, secretly enthralled by how determined her expression is, her eyes tightly closed.

When she pulls away you follow closely to give her one of your own, face aching from the continual blushing you’ve done for the last ten minutes. She doesn’t stop you, soft hands cradling your jaw as you wrap your arms around her, her knees going weak prompting you to take a few steps into her room to keep her standing. 

This time you allow her to pull away, heart once again dropping to see that she’s on the verge of tears. “Are you okay?”, you ask as you loosely let go, not moving any.

“Y-Yeah! I um…”, she clears her throat, blinking away at the water blurring her sight, “For so long I’ve been so scared you didn’t feel the same, a-and I got scared I was projecting onto you. But, this is happening, and… It feels really good…”

You’re moved by that, sniffling with a wide smile. “Jeeze, and here I was thinking the exact same thing. Kinda dumb of us both, huh?”

From the doorway Mina laughs, “We’re lesbians, I think it comes with the territory to be stupid.”

“God damn, is every girl here gay? My gay-dar doesn’t work at all.”, you ask yourself with a huff, pinching at the bridge of your nose.

Momo shoves her face into your shoulder and mumbles to herself, “Why can’t we just be alone…”

“Wait! How long have you been there!”, you ask with confusion, turning to look towards your pink friend.

“Like two seconds, I just sensed something happening when I heard yelling and had to come see! I’m so glad you two talked things out, it was so intense waiting for this.”, she says with the usual excitement reserved for a reality show.

“Are - were we that obvious?” Incredulous, you raise your eyebrows as you sift over what this all must’ve looked like from a distance.

“Mhm”, she takes her cellphone out as she talks, “I thought you guys were already dating until I found out you weren’t! Everyone is gonna be psyched!”

“Everyone!?”, both you and Momo exclaim, filled with dread at the prospect of becoming a piece of gossip to be spread around. Well, spread around for the second time apparently.

[serendipitywrites]

Deceptions and Daisies (4)(m)

words 4.5k this chapter is pure smut and angst 🤡 (p.s. sorry this took so long, life has been crazy lately and I had some writers block I had to work through. Anyways, hope you enjoy!)

chapters (one, two, three )

After that last ‘fight’ you and Wooyoung had, you’ve been spending a lot of time with San. 

he’s been stopping by after classes just to say hi, or even bringing your favorite snacks, since he, unfortunately, knows that you tend to forget to eat when you’re stressed. Sometimes he doesn’t really need a reason, he just likes to just relax with you, talking about everything and yet nothing.

He’s come to learn a lot about you in the past few weeks and you’re always amazed at how well he can read you and your emotions. You’ve been feeling so bare and open around him, and surprisingly it’s been a welcoming feeling, it’s been nice to just be… well, yourself again. It might be too soon, but he feels like one of your closest friends already. Honestly, San has even been around more than Wooyoung lately.

Your boyfriend would often visit his ‘ex’ and ‘just a dance friend’ then rather see you, it felt like.

although, after you had confronted Wooyoung, you feel like he has been putting in at least a little more effort for you both. It may seem pathetic to some, but you weren’t ready to give up, not after eight months of being happy and loving him. You admit you were feeling close to giving up, but after talking things over for hours and hours, you decided to give him another chance. Obviously, not everything was perfect and you weren’t expecting that, but the ups and downs are always what made you both stronger together, at least you feel that way.

‘Woo.. you’re so different lately. Are you really here with me? even when we’re together lately, I just feel so… alone’ insecurity laces your voice.

He sits across from you on the couch, letting your words sink in.

He looks at you and instead of denying it this time, he just puts his head in his hands and exhales.

He looks up after a few seconds, looking uneased. 

‘I don’t feel like myself lately.. and I guess I was just hoping you didn’t notice’ he confesses.

‘Really? because It’s all I notice. I thought we didn’t keep things from each other, Woo’ you say surprised, mumbling the last words softly. 

And for the first time in a while, he isn’t looking defensive over your honesty.

‘y/n, I haven’t been.. completely honest with you.’ he sounds anxious and you stare at him nervously, waiting.

‘I’ve been seeing Hana after work sometimes.. when I don’t come here’ he sounds ashamed, and in your current state of mind, he should be ashamed. You didn’t fall in love with this Wooyoung, the one who lies.

‘Why? Why are you seeing her, Woo? No more lies or we’re done, I swear. I can’t keep doing this’ you try your best to sound confident and not let your hurt show.

He looks at you with guilt and swallows hard ‘I swear we aren’t doing anything, not like that. We’ve just been talking and I’m helping her to dance’ he says like he hopes to convince you.

‘Then why? And why do you look so guilty?’ you implore.

‘...She said she still loves me’ he confesses.

Your heart sinks. You weren’t an idiot, you could tell there was something deeper left between them, but it still really fucking hurts.

‘And do you love her?’ you ask weakly. 

‘I love you’ he replies quickly and with certainty. 

‘That’s not what I asked, woo’ you feel your eyes start to water and you try desperately to keep him from noticing.

He stares at you so softly yet cautiously ‘y/n, listen to me. What I had with her.. It wasn’t ever really as genuine as I thought at the time. If I’m honest, I think we only got together because she was lonely. Besides that, she is my past and you are my now. I want this, I want you, and I want us.. For a long time, if you’ll still have me’ he meets your eyes.

Your chest is aching. 

even if his words are reassuring, you know you can’t just keep forgiving him so easily.

‘I want us too, but I can’t keep going on like this. I can’t pretend it doesn’t hurt anymore when you are with her more than me. I’m not dumb, Woo. I knew you were with her and I just... I can’t. This isn’t me, i’m not some cliche jealous girlfriend’ you trail off in a frustrated tone, feeling some tears drop from your eyes and meeting your cheeks. This isn’t how the talk was supposed to go, but is anything ever easy lately?

He pulls you into his arms and rests his head in the crook of your neck. ‘Just one more chance, I’ll do better. I’ll be the boyfriend you deserve. I’ll be good for you.’ you feel yourself tremble in his hold. his voice heavy with emotion, he breathes hotly onto your neck and presses a wet and gentle kiss against you ‘I love you, y/n’ you sigh and try to hide a slight sniffle ‘I love you too.. Please don’t make me regret this’ 

San tosses a french fry in your direction, it pulling you from your thoughts.

He sits at the edge of your bed with a small fast food bag, staring at you expectedly.

You can tell he just got out of class by the way his hair is slicked back and his cheeks are still a bit flushed. He's dressed in a loose tank top, which must be some of his workout clothes. He must have come by straight after teaching and that thought makes you all tender for some reason. It’s just that you know that San likes to go straight home after work or school, but instead, he went and got you some food and chose to spend time with you. It may seem little, but it means a lot to you. It’s your day off from work and even if you told him to just head home and relax, having him here feels really nice. You’ve spent the day in your pajama shorts and a baggy shirt and if it was any other friend then you’d feel nervous and under-dressed, but you know that San doesn’t care.

‘If you don’t eat your fries, then I will’ he shoves some fries in his mouth messily, being an absolute goof.

You toss the fry back at him and it hits his chest, he looks at you offended. ‘Shush. Now where’s our ketchup?’ you tease him and he smiles, his dimple showing.

He tosses you the bag softly. ‘Yes, princess, and I got your extra ketchup too. You know, I get some weird looks for taking over 25 ketchup packets, so you owe me.’ 

You scoot towards him and hug his back ‘you’re the best, Sannie, you know that?’ you say in a sing-songy voice. You suddenly feel your breasts rub against his back through your thin shirt and you stiffen, feeling embarrassed. You’re just hoping that he didn’t notice. (He’s just thankful you can’t see the blush on his face) He nudges you off of him and you fall back gently on your pillow ‘I mean something I actually want’ 

you poke his back with your socked foot in offense ‘Hey! I give good hugs. you’re sweaty anyways, so fine, whatever’ he laughs at your sassy behavior. ‘Come sit with me?’ you pat the pillow next to you, he obliges. 

he rests his head against your headboard and shuffles a bit to get comfortable.

'so..' he tilts his head at you 'is Wooyoung coming over later?' 

you nod a bit shyly 'yeah, he has tomorrow off so he's going to spend the night.' you smile, getting excited to spend some time with your boyfriend. 

He gives you a small smile of acceptance ‘so things are back to normal?’

You shrug ‘I mean.. no? But he’s trying, we’re trying. He hasn’t been seeing… her as much’ you mumble carefully, not wanting to say her name. He understands, he doesn’t like her either. 

‘She hasn’t been around the studio either. Maybe Woo finally stopped being an idiot.’

You chuckle ‘that idiot is my boyfriend, but yes, he’s an idiot, my idiot’

You both finish snacking and put on some anime on your laptop, watching it together on your bed. You’re both resting against your headboard when Sans phone goes off. He says to ignore it but then his phone keeps buzzing over and over, he sighs, looking irritated, he runs his hand through his blonde hair ‘I’ll be a minute’ he says sounding agitated and heads out of the room. You figure it must be important, so you pause the anime and wait for him. 

After a few minutes, you get bored and grab your phone. You notice a few messages from Wooyoung.

Woo ♥ Can’t wait to see you, sweetheart

Woo ♥ Just a couple more hours ♥

Woo ♥ Want me to bring any food or snacks?

You see that his last message was about ten minutes ago and you decide to reply

sent Just bring yourself ♥ I just got some food, but thank you~! San brought me a burger and fries 🥳!

You get a response pretty quickly after sending that, surprisingly.

Woo ♥ Why is San there? Tonight is supposed to be our night.

Is he actually jealous right now? You aren’t sure what is going through his head so you send him another message

Sent Because he’s my friend? and he wanted to see me. We’re hanging out before you come over then he’s heading home, not that it even matters.

You send back, feeling slightly irritated. 

Woo ♥

I just wanted you all to myself tonight, sweetheart. I can’t wait. Besides San has a date tonight, I'm sure he’ll be leaving soon. 

You read his message over again, feeling taken aback a bit.

Before you have time to reply to Wooyoung, San makes it back in the room. He puts his phone on your dresser and relaxes against your pillow, he exhales tiredly.

Does he really have a date tonight? And why wouldn’t he tell you? 

‘Everything okay?’ you ask him softly.

‘Yeah.. Yeosang just keeps trying to set me up on these blind dates and he doesn’t take no for an answer.’ he sighs. 

‘I take it you got roped into one?’ you chuckle, feeling a weird sense of relief that he chose to share this with you. 

‘This would be the third actually, He keeps picking his sisters friends and it’s already so awkward when we see him and his sister at parties, I guess she doesn’t take me not wanting to date her friends so easily.’ he looks tired. 

You pat his head gently ‘i’m sure when the right person comes along, you’ll know’

He’s laying on your pillow while you have your back rested against the wall, your laptop sits in between you two. 

He meets your eyes ‘I think so too’ he smiles, so damn sweetly. God, that dimple makes you so soft and you swear that he knows. 

You both settle and watch some more anime, after a few episodes, he decides to head home, looking tired from his long day. 

‘Be safe?’ you’re at your door telling him goodbye.

‘Always, princess’ he bows all cheesily. 

You punch at his arm for teasing you and he catches your hand. ‘Too slow’ he laughs.

‘Once I get better reflexes, you’re done for’ you respond with far too much sass. 

He’s still holding onto your hand when he pulls you in for a hug. The position you’re hugging him in has your arms wrapped around his neck rather than his waist. His arms wrap loosely around your waist.

Somehow, this hug feels… different

Your heart starts to beat faster. Of course, you don’t let yourself think too much into it, you can’t. Besides, this is San, one of Wooyoungs best friends. 

He pulls you closer and your face rests against his shoulder.

‘I’m here if you need me. I’ll stop by again soon’ 

You both pull away from the hug tenderly.

‘Same, but I think you need might need me more, you know, to rescue you from your dates’ you offer and he gives a small laugh. 

‘I’ll remember that’ he waves with a grin and heads out, the door clicking behind him. 

You’re really glad he came over today.

After waving him off you head to the bathroom to take a shower before Wooyoung heads over, which should be in about an hour.  The shower is calming yet exciting. Just knowing that you’re about to see your boyfriend has you so energetic. 

After getting out, you put on some vanilla lotion (knowing that it was Wooyoungs favorite) and blow-dry your hair, you dab on some light lip gloss to finish it off.  You decided to put on a sheer baggy sweater with a tank top underneath, knowing that you look cute. You kept your sleep shorts on, though. they are your favorite after all. 

You pick up your apartment a little before he heads over, and of course feed your fish baby, Clem.  Sometime after you finish cleaning you hear a knock on your front door and your heart jumps. Excited but anxious to see your boyfriend.

You pull open the door to see a tired and sweaty looking Wooyoung in front of you, in his hands he holds a small bag and a single red rose.  You already feel yourself grinning at his antics.

‘Really? Are you trying to impress me, Mr. Jung?’

He smirks ‘depends, is it working?’

You pull him into your apartment and plant an aggressive kiss on his lips. 

After pulling away, his lips try to chase yours again immediately.

‘So impatient already’ you tease.

‘It’s been 3 days, baby. I’m past impatient at this point.’ he whines and puts his bag down.

He hands you the rose and you blush a little bit.  ‘Thanks..’ you mutter feeling slightly shy and he just softly kisses your forehead.

He heads towards the couch and pulls you with him. You end up sitting in between his legs as he lays on the couch. His black fluffy hair is parted so you can see his eyes.

‘You’re so pretty, sweetheart.’ he says with affection and you turn your head, feeling shy under his gaze. He notices and you being shy and pulls you down on his lap for a kiss.

You’re truly in awe of this man and god.. you’ve missed this so much. Just the both of you, no drama, no lies, no Hana, just the both of you being with one another.

With you on his lap and kissing him he eventually starts to slowly grind into you, his bulge already thick and hot. You realize soon after that he isn’t wearing anything under his loose joggers.

‘Really, Woo? Nothing under here?’ you ask in surprise and reach your hands down to where the outline of his briefs would be and he just smirks at you and grips your hips.

‘I missed you, sweetheart..’ and you let yourself fall into him, getting lost in lust and feeling some wetness drip out of you.

He puts his hands under your shorts and massages the swell of your ass with his fingers. You shiver at his touch, whining in his hold ‘really? Already?’ not expecting sex this soon.

‘Really’ he replies, voice thick with arousal. Suddenly he moves one of his hands lower and cups you through your panties, feeling the hotness of your cunt radiate. You moan needily and he slips a few fingers inside your panties, running his fingers through your obscene amount of wetness. It takes him far too long to slip the first finger inside of you and when he does, you absolutely crumble against him. You feel yourself soaking his hand and you couldn’t care less. He has two fingers curling against your insides and you want nothing more than to sit on this mans thick dick and have a mind-blowing orgasm. 

Of course, he doesn’t let you cum yet, he just teases you until you’re about to scream in frustration. So, you find yourself reaching for his pants with a whine, trying desperately to get them off of him and you hear him chuckle at you. ‘Shut up.. Need you..’ you say deprived.

After a few more minutes of kissing and him having you at the precipice of an orgasm, he has enough and tugs your shorts off aggressively and with zero care where they end up.

He pulls your sweater off and you practically rip his shirt off of him.

‘Please?’ you whimper, him under you, watching you already fall apart for him.

He lowers his joggers just enough for you to get to his dick, moving quickly. You can tell he’s eager to get inside of you. 

‘Shit’ he says breathily when his dick rubs against the slit of your wet and puffy cunt. 

‘Condom?’ he asks gruffly and it surprises you. You and Wooyoung don’t use condoms… You haven’t since you both got tested, two months into your relationship. Also, you’ve always been on birth control, but you’re far too drunk with lust to think properly or question him so instead of replying you just grab his dick and angle it towards your entrance and drop down on him.

The moan he lets out reverberates through your apartment. He fills you up so perfectly. His thickness stretches you out and before dropping down on him again, you bring your fingers down to where you are both connected and whimper at the feeling. He must get be getting impatient, because he grips your hips hard enough to bruise and thrusts up into you, fully sheathing himself inside of you.

Sweat drips from his forehead as he starts to fuck you harder, and after a few minutes he gets impatient and you get on your knees for him, anxious for him to get back inside of you, your wetness dripping down your thighs. You both sigh in relief when he finally gets back in.

He’s pounding you from behind and you feel his fingertips already bruising your hips, but you honestly love it. The way his cock drags against your insides has you nearly in tears and you whine, pushing back on his cock. He catches your hips mid-thrust and helps guide you back onto him even harder. The meat of his thighs slaps against your ass so deliciously.

He’s grunting behind you, holding onto you possessively ‘yeah? Like my cock, sweetheart?’ he asks huskily. You trail off in response, sounding a pitiful mess, almost in tears ‘yes, the best’ tears fall from your eyes and you can tell from behind you that he’s getting close already. ‘No one can make you feel this good?’ he asks again, his tone dominant and intense, his voice deep. ‘Just you..’ he knows how easily he can make you fall apart. you grip your hands harder onto the couch and you’re having a hard time thinking straight with him fucking you so hard, just then he reaches his hand towards your front and starts to rub circles onto your clit. You are delirious at this point. He knows that you’re close and spreads your legs further, giving him room to abuse your puffy clit. Your peak is coming and you can’t form words at this point ‘only I can make you feel this good’ he whispers in your ear with certainty and determination. You’re not exactly in the right state of mind to wonder why he’s being so dominant, with your orgasm at arms reach. You’re whining and writhing under him, and with a slight pinch to your clit you find yourself cumming on his cock. You practically scream form the strength of it and he moans loudly behind you, fucking into you ruthlessly, his sweat dripping on your back. Just when you think he’s about to cum, he pulls out of you and finishes outside of you. Moaning loudly, he milks himself onto your ass. You feel cold all of a sudden. 

Why did he pull out? He is obviously oblivious, basking in his afterglow.  But you’re laying there confused.

‘Thanks, baby.. I needed that.’ he grabs some tissues to clean you up and softly flips you on your back on the couch. You see him all flushed and red from fucking you, his hair curled slightly from sweating. ‘...I did too. You didn’t come inside, though’ you say with a pout, feeling almost silly. He smiles at you ‘was my little slut wanting to be filled up?’ you turn to your side and he senses your mood slightly shifting, he comes to sit next to you on the couch. You’re still laying there mostly naked with his cum still dripping down your thighs. ‘I wasn’t even really thinking. I just know it can get messy’ you turn to him ‘well, don’t do that.’ he chuckles at you. ‘Never again, my love.’ after that, you both take a shower together, he rubs your back and kisses at the back of your neck, which has you giggling and pulling away. Being ticklish isn’t exactly romantic, you feel like.

He stays in the bathroom a bit longer and you decide to get your laptop and put on something for you both. 

You hear a buzzing coming from the living room, realizing it’s Wooyoungs phone. With things being more at ease now, you feel comfortable grabbing his phone and heading to the bathroom door to knock ‘Woo, your phone is going off. Is your hair dry yet?’

After you say that it buzzes again and by accident you see who it’s from, only seeing a snippet of a couple of messages. 

Hana Are you done yet?

Hana I miss you.

The last message is what shocks you the most.

Hana Why won’t you just tell her already??

You drop his phone loudly as he opens the bathroom door, some steam coming out.

‘Hey, what’s wrong?’ he sees you looking pale-faced and stunned. He looks worried.

Ha, worried? You thought.

‘I saw your messages’ You say bluntly. You’ve had enough with being timid and calm about this. You’re done.

He suddenly looks nervous ‘my messages?’ he asks, looking confused.

‘Yes, your messages. Now get the fuck out of my apartment’ you say with conviction.

He just stares at you, his jaw slightly dropped.

‘I don’t think you read what you think you did’ he says calmly.

You scoff at him, looking at him like he thinks you’re some sort of idiot ‘really? Because according to Hana you have something to tell me, what might that be?’

‘Look, y/n, we need to talk but -’

You cut him off in frustration ‘I can’t with these lies. I fucking can’t anymore’ you break off and feel some tears of frustration fall out of your face, which you try hiding from him. ‘did you really come by just to fuck me and then leave me?’

he looks baffled ‘what are you talking about y/n?’ 

a few seconds pass and he decides to try again.

‘Can we please sit down and talk?’ he asks exasperatedly.

‘Why? So you can tell me that we’re over, or that you did in fact cheat on me?’ ‘I trusted you, I really did. You knew what I went through.’

Instead of responding he just stares at you sadly. He has the audacity to look guilty, to look upset at this.

‘Please leave.. Please. I can’t do this, not tonight, not any more’ 

‘y/n, please listen to me, just hear me out-’ he tries to explain, at least you think he’s trying to explain, but you can’t bear to even hear his voice right now.

‘Please! Please leave!’ you wail.

‘I can’t leave you like this, I can’t.’ he says desperately, trying to reason with you. His body trying to inch closer to you and you pull back quickly, not wanting to be touched by him.

You let out a wet laugh 

‘Sure you can, you’ve done it before.’ you know it was a low blow, but you honestly don’t fucking care how he feels right now.

‘Leave. I’m calling San.’ he scoffs at you, looking far too pissed off, something changes in his aura at the mention of his friend. ‘what a fucking surprise. The moment I leave, you call San, just like clockwork. You know for getting mad at me for spending time with someone else, you look pretty fucking hypocritical.’ he seethes.

Before you can even think it over, your hand meets his cheek. He stares at you in complete shock. ‘I would never do anything to betray you, Wooyoung. I love you so fucking much it drives me insane. I let you in, I never do that. I would never stoop that low. oh, and San? Your best friend? He’s a good person, and fuck you for thinking that he would do something so malicious’ you say then fall onto the floor and break into a sob. Barely able to breathe. this snaps Wooyoung out of his sudden anger and again, he tries to come comfort you and you just beg him to leave. Regretfully, he gives up and leaves, knowing that he can’t do anything to help you, not now. he did this to you, and as much as he wants to comfort you, he doesn’t deserve to. he tells you how much he loves you and how fucking sorry he is before he leaves in shame and remorse. You need time, he’ll try to give that to you. in the meantime, you’re left on the floor, in an absolute mess, having trouble breathing from the strength of your cries. 

After catching your breath finally muster some energy to call San, trying to calm down enough to talk.

He answers after a few rings ‘Hey you, I was just thinking of you, I saw the weirdest goldfish at the -’ 

He stops talking when he realizes that you aren’t responding and he just hears harsh breathing on the other line.

‘You okay, princess?’ you just sob in response and that was all that he needed. ‘I’ll be there in ten minutes. Just breathe. Can you unlock the door for me? That’s all you need to do.’ he says gently. ‘Unlocked already’ you sniffle.

‘Just ten minutes.’ and he hangs up after a minute, promising to hurry.

There was some slight traffic, so San ends up getting there about 20 minutes later. The sight he finds upon entering the apartment is you on the floor, at the edge of your bed, curled into a circle with a bra and your sleeping shorts on, hickeys covering your neck and chest.

He doesn’t even need to ask to know that whatever happened was Wooyoungs fault.

He carries you as softly as possible to your bed, doing his best not to wake you since he knew whatever happened - you’d need the energy later to deal with it.

All he knew, was that he was about to break his friend’s nose.

[ibijau]

Jin Rusong Lives / On AO3

Jin Rusong has some questions about his father

Having enjoyed dinner with both of his uncles once, Jin Rusong decided that he now wanted this to happen every night. Nie Huaisang, for once, tried to resist his ward's demand. For a day or two, he found excuses to avoid such a torture until Jin Rusong came to find him in his office one afternoon, demanding more firmly that they all eat together. 

Nie Huaisang, somewhat awkwardly, explained to him that Lan Xichen would probably not like this at all. In response to which Jin Rusong immediately insisted that they go ask Lan Xichen's opinion. 

Lan Xichen opened his door to them with a polite smile, clearly surprised to see both of them when Nie Huaisang still half avoided him, and listened with great interest to Jin Rusong’s request.

"I would love that," Lan Xichen announced, still weak to Jin charm.

Jin Rusong grinned triumphantly at Nie Huaisang who barely refrained a grimace.

“Zewu-Jun, don’t force yourself,” Nie Huaisang complained. “If we give in to all his demands, he’ll be spoiled.”

“And I’ve told you before that I miss having time with you,” Lan Xichen retorted, his smile turning sharper. “Why would I deny A-Song something I want as well? If you do not want this, then we will respect your preference of course," he added. "But don’t pretend the decision comes from me.”

After the argument they’d had just a few days before, Nie Huaisang was startled to hear Lan Xichen still wanted to reconnect. It made him hope for something he knew he wasn’t allowed to want anymore, something they had both agreed long ago needed to be buried and forgotten. So if he had been a reasonable man, Nie Huaisang would have lied and demanded to be allowed to keep his distance from Lan Xichen.

Lying would give a bad example to Jin Rusong though, and he couldn’t do that of course. He had to be honest, not because he had desperately missed the way things used to be with Lan Xichen before his brother’s death, but because Jin Rusong deserved better than to be raised by another dishonest liar.

“Zewu-Jun, you know how I enjoy your company,” Nie Huaisang sighed, giving in. “If really you don’t mind, then I would be very happy to have dinner with you and SongSong whenever it pleases you.”

Lan Xichen’s smile went soft again upon hearing this, before he winced when Jin Rusong shouted in victory.

“Well, he’s yours for now,” Nie Huaisang said, pushing the child toward Lan Xichen. “I’ll see you later. I was working, you know, before someone came to disturb me!”

Jin Rusong grinned without shame, while Lan Xichen chuckled.

“You could bring your work here and take care of it while I play with A-Song,” Lan Xichen offered. “I wouldn’t mind.”

“Tempting,” Nie Huaisang had to admit. “Very tempting. But if I did that, I don’t think I’d actually get any work done, and then Nie Funyu might scold me.”

“And we wouldn’t want that,” Lan Xichen agreed, sounding almost teasing for a moment, before turning more serious again. “It’s good to see you take your responsibilities to heart, Huaisang. I always used to wonder how you could struggle so much when I know how clever you are. I’m glad you no longer have to hide.”

Feeling a deep blush creeping up his face, Nie Huaisang promptly excused himself and ran back to his office, wondering if maybe he shouldn’t have said he didn’t want to be near Lan Xichen after all.

-

That doubt only became stronger the more he found himself in Lan Xichen’s company. Because while Nie Huaisang was determined to be polite and respectful and to rebuild their friendship from scratch, Lan Xichen was equally determined to resume certain games they used to play, back before Nie Mingjue died. 

It wasn’t flirting, not quite, but it also wasn’t... not flirting.

Lan Xichen would say something a little too complimentary, followed by a look that lingered a little too long, a smile a little too knowing. Back when they were young, Nie Huaisang used to take it in stride and shamelessly returned the attention, until Lan Xichen became flustered and was forced to drop the game before Nie Mingjue became unable to pretend he couldn’t see what was happening. 

Now though, Nie Huaisang was the flustered one, and entirely unable to respond in kind for fear he’d take the teasing in a direction Lan Xichen couldn’t possibly intend.

To make things worse, spending so much time again with Lan Xichen was reminding Nie Huaisang of all the reasons why he had once hoped their friendship might turn into something else. Lan Xichen was still the same man after all, polite to a fault to everyone he encountered. He even chatted easily with Wen Ning when the fierce corpse came to check on Jin Rusong, who seemed quite happy to chat back even though he wouldn’t say two words to Nie Huaisang if he could avoid it. 

The Lans too had taken part in the slaughter in the Burial Mounds, but having raised the lone child who had survived seemed to balance it out in the eyes of Wen Ning.

Aside from being polite to all, Lan Xichen was also clever and well-read. Nie Huaisang, who hadn’t had anyone to talk about art and literature for ages, found himself debating with the other man more than once, usually until Jin Rusong became bored of the conversation and interrupted it.

Living in close quarters this way was also giving new reasons to feel what he shouldn’t have felt. Seeing Lan Xichen playing with Jin Rusong, or teaching him something, never failed to make Nie Huaisang’s heart race in his chest. Worse still, sometimes Jin Rusong, exhausted from lessons with the Nie disciples and with Jin Yixin, would fall asleep on Lan Xichen’s lap while having his hair pet tenderly, a perfect picture of happiness. 

Lan Xichen would have made a great father, given the chance.

He still might, once he was done recovering from what had happened with Jin Guangyao. It wasn’t as though Lan Wangji was going to marry a woman after all, and someone had to ensure the line of succession was preserved. Nie Huaisang tried not to envy that hypothetical woman who would get everything he’d once hoped for. Just having Lan Xichen’s friendship again was already more than he’d have expected.

It went on that way for a handful of weeks. Nie Huaisang, after years of carefully crafted loneliness, enjoyed that company with more abandon than was reasonable. 

He should have known something would happen to disrupt that fragile peace. 

That night, they were having dinner in his quarters rather than Lan Xichen's. There was no firm rule established, but they tried to alternate so they could both have plenty of time with Jin Rusong in the mornings. 

Jin Rusong who had been rather serious all evening since Nie Huaisang picked him up from where he was playing with other children, and surprisingly silent as well. Nie Huaisang, worried, had asked many times if there was a problem, only for his ward to get more and more upset each time. Trusting it would come out in time, he had decided to drop the issue and chatted instead with Lan Xichen about some sect business for which a second opinion would be welcome.

They were putting away their dishes for the servants to take later when at last, Jin Rusong couldn’t hold it anymore.

“Was daddy a bad person?” he blurted, looking up at the two adults sitting opposite him.

Nie Huaisang nearly dropped the bowl in his hand, his blood turning to ice. He stared at the child who looked back at him with big, pleading eyes.

He’d thought they’d have a little more time before that conversation. Things had been so good, Nie Huaisang could almost have pretended that they’d never again have to talk about Jin Guangyao.

He’d thought wrong.

Next to him, Lan Xichen was equally shaken, but appeared to recover a little better and even managed to smile weakly.

“A-Song, is there a particular reason you’re asking this?”

Jin Rusong shook his head, then slowly nodded.

“When I was playing hide and seek with everyone, I heard some grown-ups talking about daddy,” he confessed in a small voice. “And they were saying how he should have died a long time before, and how awful he was, and how everyone should have seen it.”

“Did you recognise these people?” Nie Huaisang snapped, anger replacing shock.

He’d given strict instructions to his disciples. Nobody was allowed to speak about Jin Guangyao in any way within the walls of the Unclean Realm, precisely to avoid such a situation.

Again, Jin Rusong shook his head.

“They weren’t from here. They didn’t wear Nie colours,” he explained. “Uncle Nie, is it true? Was daddy bad?”

Unsure how to answer, Nie Huaisang glanced at Lan Xichen, only to find him looking back at him, equally awkward.

“SongSong, that’s a bit of a difficult question to answer,” Nie Huaisang said at last, fighting an impulse to open his fan and hide behind it. “You see, your daddy… well, first of all, your daddy loved you. He loved you very much. More than anyone ever knew. And he saved you when you became too sick. But he also… well. Your daddy did some very bad things, yes.”

It wasn’t the answer Jin Rusong had hoped for, and tears started pooling at the corner of his eyes.

“What bad things?”

Nie Huaisang hesitated, glancing again toward Lan Xichen who was still too shaken too speak.

“Things that you are a little too young to be told about,” Nie Huaisang said. “Your daddy has hurt a lot of people. And some people have... died because of him. That’s why there are people who are very angry at him, and who think it is right that he died.”

“But you don’t, right?” Jin Rusong pleaded, a few tears spilling on his cheeks. “He was your friend, right?”

A third time Nie Huaisang turned to Lan Xichen, nearly panicking at the idea of having to explain everything that had happened. This time Lan Xichen took Nie Huaisang’s hand, and looked at Jin Rusong.

“A-Song, we thought that your daddy was our friend,” Lan Xichen explained. “He was very good to us, most of the time. But he also hurt us a lot, and tried to hide from us the bad things he did. Even if he were alive, we could no longer call him our friend.”

His hand tightly squeezed Nie Huaisang’s, who could only squeeze back.

“Do you hate me too?” Jin Rusong sobbed, fully breaking into tears. “If you hate daddy, then you hate me too?”

Both adults rushed around the table to hug him, Nie Huaisang who was closer pulling him on his lap while Lan Xichen knelt next to them and wrapped his arm around both of them. 

"SongSong, we love you so much!" Nie Huaisang promised. "My precious little SongSong, how could I ever hate you?" 

"You are not your father, A-Song," Lan Xichen added. "What he did has nothing to do with you. So don't worry, we won't stop loving you." 

"E-even, even if I'm b-bad?" Jin Rusong bawled, burying his face against Nie Huaisang's chest. "Even if I'm sp-spoiled?" 

"You're not bad, A-Song," Lan Xichen replied. "Not that spoiled either, even if Uncle Nie jokes about that sometimes."

"I spilled ink on your robes the other day," Jin Rusong whined. "And I don't eat food when it's green and bitter." 

Nie Huaisang chuckled nervously. 

"That's just little things, SongSong," he said, carefully petting his hair. "The things your daddy did, they're much bigger things, much worse. You wouldn't do these big bad things like him, and even if you thought about it, we'd notice and ask you to stop. We wouldn't let our SongSong become a bad person, not now that we know what it looks like." 

"But what if…" Jin Rusong insisted, only for Nie Huaisang to cut him. 

"There's no what if. You're a very good little boy, SongSong. Things like what you said are just… Well, everyone does a little bad sometimes, right?" 

"Even you?"

Nie Huaisang froze at the question, thinking of a hopeless young man living in a shed, of Qin Su holding that dagger, of his brother's fierce corpse used as a weapon in a last effort to eliminate Jin Guangyao. If it had been up to him to answer, there was only one thing he could have said. 

Thankfully, Lan Xichen spoke faster.

"We are only human, A-Song," he said. "And all humans have the potential to do good and bad equally. Nobody can go through life without causing harm. And the harm we've caused… It might be bigger than what other people did. But we tried to do good as well, and we've learned from the bad things we did."

“But you’re good?” Jin Rusong insisted.

“We try to be,” Lan Xichen sighed. “There are people who would say we are as bad as your daddy, and others who would say what we did wasn't bad at all, that it was very good. Sometimes, when you're grown, it's hard to know for sure what's wrong or right. It might be…”

Lan Xichen hesitated, his arms tightening around Jin Rusong and Nie Huaisang.

“Maybe someday, when you are older, you will decide that the bad we have done is too great for you to still love us,” Lan Xichen carefully said. “Just as happened between us and your father. We wouldn’t blame you for that choice, and we will still love you, no matter what you decide.”

“No, I’ll always love you!” Jin Rusong cried out, burrowing his face harder against Nie Huaisang’s chest, holding to his waist tight enough to start hurting a little.

Nie Huaisang silently pet the child's hair, trying to soothe both of them at the same time. Such an incident was a grim reminder that someday they would have to fully explain to Jin Rusong what had happened to his father. It wouldn't be easy, but he'd find out sooner or later, and it would be better for the truth to come from them rather than to be overheard from strangers. 

Another day though. 

Nie Huaisang wasn't ready yet to give up on Jin Rusong. 

The three of them stayed like that for a while, hugging on the floor and comforting one another. A few times, Lan Xichen's hands brushed against Nie Huaisang as they tried to comfort Jin Rusong. Nie Huaisang was too shaken to flinch away as he might have done at other times, and so the touches continued, offering him some comfort as well though he wouldn't have admitted it. 

After some time, Jin Rusong started yawning, exhausted by that too emotional conversation. He did not fight when Nie Huaisang picked him up and walked him to his bed. By the time Nie Huaisang was done preparing him and tucked him under his blanket, the child was already half asleep. 

Returning to the main room alone, Nie Huaisang found that Lan Xichen had finished putting away the remains of their dinner. It made him smile in spite of his rattled nerves, and a painful warmth spread through his chest. It could have felt like a very domestic moment, if things had been different. His husband tidying while he put their child to sleep… 

But Lan Xichen would never be his husband, and this wasn't their child, but the son of a man they had murdered together. That was the reality of their lives, and Nie Huaisang couldn't afford to forget it. 

"Huaisang, how are you?” Lan Xichen asked.

Startled by the question, Nie Huaisang looked at the other man to find him closer than before, and staring at him with obvious concern. He shrugged in answer to the question, which earned him a small grimace from Lan Xichen, acknowledging that it had been a silly thing to ask. After such a conversation, neither of them could have felt good.

“I must say you impressed me, Zewu-Jun,” Nie Huaisang commented, trying to distract himself from what had happened. “Such a nuanced understanding of right and wrong isn’t very Lan, is it?”

“Thinking in absolutes has done me little good,” Lan Xichen retorted, bitterness piercing through his voice. “Because I knew Jin Guangyao had done good, I refused to accept he could do wrong. Because Wei Wuxian had done such wrong, I struggled to understand why Wangji saw such good in him. I aim to have more nuanced views of others from now on.”

“How wise of you,” Nie Huaisang said. “I wish I could do that,” he added with a bitter laughter, “but I’m just not kind enough.”

Lan Xichen gave him a long look.

“You’re not like him,” he said at last. “I know you think you are, Huaisang, but it isn’t true. Your methods might have been similar, but your motivations are different.”

“Not so different,” Nie Huaisang scoffed. “And maybe the good he did outweighed the bad, which is more than I can say. Still, he killed my brother, made him die feeling betrayed by all of us, in the exact manner Da-ge always most dreaded to die… He didn’t want to go like our father, and Jin Guangyao knew that, yet he still…”

He shivered at the thought. Jin Guangyao had to know how scared Nie Mingjue had been. Nothing less than terror over dying in that way would have convinced him to accept the help of a man he otherwise no longer trusted. Jin Guangyao knew, and he’d made things worse on purpose.

“Whatever good he did was build using blood as mortar,” Lan Xichen said. “And that will forever taint his legacy. Unless someone fights for them, I fear his watchtowers will end up abandoned, simply because they were his idea.”

“Probably. It’s almost a shame,” Nie Huaisang sighed. “They did a lot of good. Maybe Jin Rulan will try to do something about that… though I wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t. He has enough to deal with already.”

It really was a waste that common people would lose this system which had helped so many, and in a way, Nie Huaisang took it as another reason to resent Jin Guangyao. If he had played a little more by the rules… or else, since the rules had been stacked against him, if Jin Guangyao had realised sooner that his father wouldn’t change his mind about him, if he had killed Jin Guangshan first and left Nie Mingjue alive…

It had been such a waste of a brilliant mind that Jin Guangyao had spent so much time and effort trying to please a father who never saw him as more than a thorn in his side. Nie Huaisang couldn’t understand it anymore than Nie Mingjue had when he was alive. He never would understand, he suspected. His youth and Jin Guangyao’s had been too different.

“Huaisang, I want to talk about something,” Lan Xichen said in a too careful voice that made Nie Huaisang tense.

“Can it wait? It has not exactly been a very good evening, and I’m thinking of going to sleep early if I manage.”

Lan Xichen hesitated, staring at him to decide whether or not whatever he had to say was worth prolonging that difficult evening. When Lan Xichen eventually shook his head with a serious expression, Nie Huaisang felt his shoulder tense painfully and braced himself for the worst.

“I’ve forgiven you for not telling me about what Jin Guangyao did,” Lan Xichen announced. “Everything else is either not mine to forgive or never required forgiveness, but that is something I did resent you for. I still wish you had told me, but I’m not angry anymore.”

Nie Huaisang stared at him with wide eyes, surprised to hear those words and so touched he half feared he’d break into tears. He had to turn away to hide his face, in case he couldn’t contain his emotions. Gaining Lan Xichen’s forgiveness was simply...

“You’re too kind, as always,” Nie Huaisang huffed, fidgeting with his fan. “Da-ge used to say you spoiled me and I’m starting to think he was right.”

“You know why I used to spoil you,” Lan Xichen softly pointed out. “I still would, if you let me. There’s a reason I’m still unmarried after all, and you know it.”

Nie Huaisang startled.

“I know you’ve had your own reasons for staying single,” Lan Xichen continued, stepping closer. “Far more unpleasant than my own. Still, I can’t help but hope…”

“Zewu-Jun, we said we couldn’t,” Nie Huaisang hurriedly whispered, still avoiding to look his way. “We agreed it wouldn’t be possible to marry, not with both of us being sect leaders.”

“I do remember that day, yes,” Lan Xichen said, coming closer still, his voice so soft it made Nie Huaisang ache.

He too remembered that day, of course. First, because it had been the day of his brother’s funeral, and that alone would have made it memorable. Second, because after the ceremony he’d broken down. Lan Xichen, the only person whose presence he’d tolerated at that time, had stayed with him and comforted him until he calmed down, and then…

It probably made Nie Huaisang an awful person that he had kissed Lan Xichen that day, for the first and last time. But he had wanted it for years at that point, and he had lost so much time with games, making Lan Xichen chase him, playing at flirting, thinking there was no urgency to their little romance. That day, after kissing, they had a long conversation and concluded nothing of the sort could ever happen again, that they would be friends and nothing else from then on.

Maybe it had been for the best that things had never progressed beyond flirting anyway. It really would have made things so difficult if they had made more efforts to move things forward, if they had been engaged or even married when Nie Mingjue died. Leadership of the Nie sect would probably have gone to someone else, someone who might not have noticed what Jin Guangyao had done, or worse someone who would have seen it and tried to openly attack him, which would only have led to more trouble, more death.

And yet Nie Huaisang, selfish in this as in other things, still wished to this day that it had happened that way, that he could have spent that last decade at Lan Xichen’s side. They would have been happy, he was certain of that.

“I’m not saying we didn’t have good reasons to make that choice back then,” Lan Xichen said. “You made some very reasonable arguments at the time. Too reasonable, perhaps. We don’t have to marry to be together.”

“Xichen!” Nie Huaisang exclaimed, scandalised enough to look at him again, only to find Lan Xichen smiling as peacefully as if they were discussing the weather. “Xichen, I’m pretty sure this goes against a number of your sect’s rules. In fact, I know for a fact that it does! I could never make you…”

“I think I’ve given enough of my life to my sect to be allowed some infractions,” Lan Xichen noted with clear amusement. “I’ve noticed that Wangji is a lot happier since he allows himself a little leeway, and so I have thought of following his example. Besides, I’m tired of denying myself the things I want. And what I want, Huaisang, is you.”

Lan Xichen said it as if it were an evidence to him, and nothing in the world could be more obvious. Considering how unsubtle he’d been recently in flirting, perhaps it really was that obvious, and only Nie Huaisang could have needed it spelled out this way.

"Won't you regret it if you break those rules because of me? And what if things don't go well? I don't want to risk having you resent me. I can't lose you again, Xichen."

Lan Xichen came closer, one hand cupping Nie Huaisang's cheek with a tenderness that nearly left him breathless, while the other wrapped around his waist. 

"We stayed friends the first time we decided it wouldn't work," Lan Xichen pointed out. "Even through secrets and misunderstandings, we stayed friends. You won't be rid of me so easily, Huaisang, not unless it's what you want."

Feeling nearly dizzy from this closeness he'd thought impossible, Nie Huaisang had to grab Lan Xichen's shoulders, his fingers clinging to white robes as if his life depended on it. Without thinking, his eyes flickered to Lan Xichen's lips, only to see a smile form on them. 

"I've told you what I want, Huaisang. I think it's your turn now." 

"You," Nie Huaisang whispered. "I want you. I've never stopped wanting you, Xichen." 

Lan Xichen's smile widened, warmer and happier than it had been in years. He looked almost too beautiful to behold like this, with that smile on his lips and a cheerful flush on his face. Nie Huaisang tried to look away, overcome with emotion after having confessed this, but Lan Xichen's hand slid from his cheek to the back of his neck, keeping him in place as Lan Xichen leant forward to… 

"Uncle Nie!"

Both men jolted apart like schoolboys caught doing something bad and turned to the door of Jin Rusong’s bedroom.

“Uncle Nie, please come here!” the child cried out from inside.

His heart still beating too fast, Nie Huaisang glanced at Lan Xichen who gave him a half smile, then hurried to see what Jin Rusong needed.

His hopes that he might take care of the little boy quickly and return to his conversation with Lan Xichen died when Jin Rusong, fighting tears once more, begged him to sleep with him that night, saying he was scared of being alone. Nie Huaisang gave in of course. He only briefly left his ward to go explain the situation to Lan Xichen who understood and bid him goodnight, then returned to Jin Rusong’s side who fell asleep again clinging tight to him.

There would be time later to continue chatting with Lan Xichen, anyway.

[the-stoked-flame]

A Treasure Hunter’s End - An Epilogue

Mood music

“So....how’re you two holdin’ up?”

It was one of the quieter evenings at The Hard Place as the four of them sat at a mostly clean table, drinks before them. Orion, C’ravi, Leila, and Raih’a were all that were left of the Blackhawks now. Galahad had turned to monkhood, pleading his body and soul to Rhalgr to atone for all he’d done. According to Leila, Jajaya had ‘fucked off’ when things started getting too weird. Elias, the mage they’d hired to fill the talents left by Orion was dead...as was the manipulative, power-hungry woman from whom the group had gotten its name, Alyss Blackhawk.

“I’m...not sure.” Leila idly swiped a thumb against the perspiration on her glass as she considered Orion’s question. The markswoman met eyes with Raih’a for a brief moment. The four of them had mostly recovered from the events of the week prior, at least physically. C’ravi and Leila had a few new scars, the former mostly from being flung into a crystal pillar, while the latter from having to fight back some Shades that had gotten too close to her. Raih’a, however, had visible bandages peeking out from beneath his clothes; getting stabbed and being left to die by your own boss tended to take longer to heal, on all fronts. Orion, somehow, managed to look the best of them all despite being the one to actually die. 

“I want to hate her for everything she did. I really do. Part of me though...there’s a part of me that still thinks about her...and misses her. I know intellectually that what she had for me—”, she looked to Raih’a then, “for us, wasn’t love. I know she just wanted people to control and keep around her to make herself feel better, but...I don’t think that changes how I felt for her once. At least, not yet.” Raih’a’s own eyes fell down to his drink, wordlessly agreeing with Leila. 

Orion looked to the pair of them, but struggled to find the words to respond...so instead he looked to C’ravi, the more emotionally adjusted sibling. 

“Feelins are complicated.” The younger sibling spoke, sparing Orion a glance. The latter merely rolled his eyes, as if to say ‘Well I could’a said that much.’ 

“But it sounds like you’re makin’ the right steps by even acknowledgin’ that much. I think, like with a physical wound, it’ll just take time for how ya feel t’settle.” Ravi offered the pair a sympathetic smile. 

“Yeah, what he said.” Orion added helpfully. “An’ uh, you know, if you ever wanna talk about it or some shite...Ravi’s always available.” There was a thud from under the table as Ravi kicked Orion’s foot, eliciting a well-deserved ‘ow’. “Me too, o’ course.”, he added hastily.

Raih’a rolled his eyes, albeit with a smirk. ‘How kind of you to offer.’, the gaze said. “Thanks, Ravi.” Leila offered the younger sibling a warm smile. “It’s a good thing at least one of the Coeurl brothers got the brains.” The table erupted into laughter then, even Raih’a’s raspy voice could be heard amidst the din. Orion, meanwhile, rolled his eyes and knocked back a third of his drink. The tiniest upturn at the corner of his mouth did not go unmissed by Ravi, however. The group got a couple of stares from the few other patrons who were trying to have an undisturbed evening of lonely drinking.

“So Rhanvir, what’s next?” Leila leaned forward on the table with her arms crossed.

“What do ya mean?” The older Seeker cocked an eyebrow.

“You know. I know you two are going to Radz-at-Han for a bit, but I mean if I know you, you’ve already got your eyes set on something new.” As Leila pressed, Raih’a too showed his interest by leaning forward. Ravi also looked to Orion then; he’d posed his brother the same question a few days ago, but had gotten nothing. 

“Well…” Orion looked between the three of them. “I’m thinkin’ it might be time for a slight career change.” Raih’a nearly spit out his drink then.

“Wait, Rhanv”, Ravi began, brows knit together, “you’re not sayin’ you’re...quittin’ treasure huntin’, are ya?”

“Maybe he’s still possessed.” Leila offered, only half-joking as she scrutinized the man. Raih’a leaned back in his seat and watched quietly. 

‘Curious.’ “It’s...somethin’ I’ve been thinkin’ of since my friends an’ I went down into that Gelmorran colony.” Orion rubbed at the back of his neck. “I dunno. It just doesn’t feel...right anymore t’take things, even from the dead. One o’ the things I think I’ve learned after everythin’ that went on is that...well, dead doesn’t mean gone.”

Ravi had twisted to the side, leaning against the table with one arm as he watched his brother, astonished.

“So what, you’re gonna pack it all up and find a boring life...I don’t know, I can’t even come up with an example because I can’t imagine you doing anything other than diving into ruins. I know you only really got into it because...Alyss took you in, but that aside it really did seem like that kinda thing was your calling.” Leila continued to eye him dubiously. 

“Wait wait wait, who said I was gonna stop doin’ all that?” Orion interrupted, “I just mean I’m not gonna take anythin’ that’s not mine t’take...no matter how good it might look on my shelves...” 

Raih’a gave a small snort, ‘There he is.’ 

“So then...what are you gonna do?” The younger sibling inquired, sharing Leila’s perplexed look.

“Well, one o’ the other things I learned is that there are”, Orion sighed then, putting a hand to his forehead as he shook his head, “—Wanderer...I’m gonna sound like Khron—” he muttered, “plenty o’ stories out there left t’be uncovered; some o’ them might need puttin’ to rest, even. There’s a ton o’ magic out there in the world it seems, some of it wild an’ causin’ trouble, an’ I dunno. After what we did underground...it felt...good, like real good, t’be able t’set all those trapped souls free an’ help ‘em move on. I wanna do more o’ that. Who knows what other kinda shite like that is goin’ on that no one knows anythin’ about?” Orion paused then, looking at the other three to gauge their reactions. 

“Well, color me impressed. It looks like a coeurl really can change his spots.” Leila snorted, crossing her arms. 

“That sounds...real dangerous though, especially alone. What if ya get hurt?” Ravi probed with concern.

“Well, I wasn’t really plannin’ on goin’ it alone. I was gonna wait ‘til after we got back from Thavnair an’ after I’d thought on it more, but I was thinkin’ I’d ask the three o’ you—an’ some o’ the others—if you’d wanna uh…”, he gestured vaguely with his hands, “y’know…”

Ravi smirked triumphantly then, the smugness on his being palpable, “You’re goin’ t’have t’say the words, Rhanvir.”  

Orion sighed, shooting his sibling a weary look, “...If you’d wanna help me out.” 

Leila and Raih’a looked at each other then. 

‘I thought you wanted to go straight?’ Raiha’s eyes seemed to say.

“Well, it sounds like our old coworker’s found a way to make that a lot less boring than I thought it’d have to be.” Leila stated in response aloud.

‘True...but is that really the life for us? After everything?’

“It’s kind of all we know. Besides, it’d be kind of nice to see the world just to...see it”

‘And not because someone has something we—she wanted?’

“Yeah…” 

Orion and Ravi watched the conversation, even if they only heard Leila’s side of it. While the siblings had spent enough time with Raih’a to be able to read him to some degree, only Leila truly understood the mute Keeper. 

‘I suppose...it’s better than being alone.’ 

“You won’t be. Not again.” Leila reached over and put a hand on Raih’a’s, squeezing it gently.

‘Thanks.’ Raih’a smiled before casting a glance in Orion’s direction, who offered him a broad, hopeful grin in return.

‘...He’s gotten frustratingly handsome since the last time we sat down like this.’ Raih’a’s eyes rolled, a subtle blush dashing his cheeks.

Leila let out a small, scandalized gasp then. “I’m going to tell him you said that.” 

‘Don’t you dare.’ Raih’a’s gaze smoldered, brow creasing tightly.

“Tell me what? What’d he say?” Orion asked, raising an eyebrow. “If he’s said somethin’ mean about me, I’ve got the right t’defend myself. Whatever he said, it’s wrong.” 

Leila’s face tightened as she struggled desperately to hold back the laugh that shook her body then, before ultimately shaking her head,

“He just said he’s in.” The woman smirked, wrapping a hand around her drink. “I am too. Sounds like a lot of fun.” 

The Seeker beamed then and raised his glass to toast before pausing and turning to Ravi,

“Wait...what about you, Ravi? You’re in….right?” Orion’s voice quieted a bit as he asked his sibling. Things still weren’t perfect between them; they’d talked some more once they got back from the Aetherial Sea and while Orion’s actions there had done leagues to prove to Ravi that Orion was a changing man, it wasn’t easy to bridge years of being apart. That awkwardness still lingered, albeit much less so now than before, and it was something each of them felt. 

“If it means finally gettin’ t’see the world with ya like we’d set out t’do all those years ago...then yeah, of course I’m in.” The younger sibling smiled warmly at him before raising his flagon to clink it against Orion’s. “Besides, you’re gonna need me. Like Leila said, I’m the one that got the brains.” 

The table of former thieves broke into a cacophonous laughter once more as the evening wore on.

[malikmata]

Notes from a Brown Boy - Kansas Diaries

*Author’s Note: Some people’s names have been changed to protect their identities

The rain was the first thing to greet me when I landed in Wichita. Overhead the gray clouds loomed, shadowing the farmland that yawned in the distance. Distance. At first glance, the city seemed like one long stretch of prairies and cracked parking lots, occasionally punctuated by billboards of grinning injury lawyers and lit up restaurant road signs.

If you spend enough time here amid the crumbling old buildings, watching the weeds sway in the vacant lots, you’ll feel the slow, inevitable creep of dread or something like it.

It’s easy to feel lonely here.

But, if you’re receptive enough, you’ll run into many friendly folks. Sometimes too friendly.

For example: During my first week, I went to Freddy’s, a local fast food chain, and ordered a crispy chicken sandwich with fries. The cashier, a young woman with glasses and short blonde hair, suddenly started confessing her fear that her 8-year old chihuahua wouldn’t live a long life.

“I still think of him as a teenager,” she said.

“Don’t worry,” I said. “He’s a chihuahua. They live long lives.”

Out here, in the most middle-of-the-road cities, you sometimes get a chance to show an act of passing kindness. While waiting in line at one of the hip, new cafes downtown, a place called Milkfloat, a tall elderly gentleman recommended which coffee and pastry to get.

“My wife says this place has the best cold brew in town.” Afterwards, grabbing his pastry and coffee, he wished me a good day. Most folks here always do and you better hope it comes true. Because here, like elsewhere, a day is filled with ordinary heartbreaks.

I will simply call her “Tita.” She works as a tailor at a department store, the only tailor working there, hemming and tapering racks full of suit pants under fluorescent lights. The nature of the job requires exact measurements and a keen eye for detail. She works hard, often skips lunch, and comes home dead tired. Her husband is recovering from 4 broken ribs after a car repair job went awry. Nothing can be done but wait until he gets better.

They live in a languid suburb on Wichita’s east side, a street with few sidewalks but plenty of lawn.

And noise. Plenty of noise. The neighborhood sits next to a car dealership. The skies overhead rumble continuously with airplanes and thunderstorms. Dogs bark at anyone who gets too close. A pickup truck blasts a corny country song as the cicadas and frogs belt out their lonely mating calls. Occasionally, a child’s laughter rises above it all.

Gossip is one of the great pastimes in towns like these. Even if you shut yourself up in your home, stories trickle in.

The neighbor across the street shot himself in the head.

The elderly couple that used to live next door got committed to a nursing home.

A fellow around the corner is on his third attempt to grow weed.

A college student starves himself morning to night so that he can save money for college.

Down the street, a kid lifts weights and punches the heavy bag hanging on his front porch.

Here, dumb luck seems, more so than in the big cities, the providence of God.

A man told me he got a job installing new carpets at a friend’s house. He was in desperate need of money, having sent most of it to his mother back home, who proceeded to gamble it away. When he ripped out the old carpet, he found a bundle of $10,000 dollars just lying there. His co-worker said, “We should split it.”

“No, no, we can’t take it.” the man said. He gave the money to his friend.

Sometime later, he went to the casino and couldn’t stop winning jackpot after jackpot. He brought home close to $16,000 in one night.

“So, if you do something good,” he told me, “God will remember that.”

Many people have come to live and die here, all of them wrapped up in the melancholic churning of faded ambitions and familial obligations.

Some people here have found something that returns them to the placidity they once felt in their youth. Sometimes that’s enough to keep them going.

For example:

I met Phil Uhlik, the namesake of the music store on E Douglas. He heard me playing an old Martin acoustic in one of the rooms. He shuffled in slightly hunched over, wearing a blue paisley shirt and brown shorts. He looked at the sunburst guitar in my hands and said, “It’s got a little beauty mark there.” He pointed to a small nick just above the sound hole. “All girls have beauty marks.” He pointed to his cheeks and smiled.

Uhlik started this music store 51 years ago and enjoys every moment of it.

“When you go to work for Boeing, that’s work,” he said. “But this, it doesn’t feel like work.” He motioned to the instruments all around him.

“How’d you get started?” I asked.

“I started off playing one of these,” he said, taking one of the accordions off a nearby shelf. As he strapped it on, all the years seemed to disappear. With a big crooked-teeth grin, he breathed life into the old accordion, his hands dancing up and down the keys. The smile never left his face as we bid farewell to each other.

I wish everyone in this world were as lucky as Phil.

I’m always seeking indie bookstores when I travel. Eighth Day Books provides much needed shelter from the summer heat. The shop was built 33 years ago and used to be located about half a mile east, in Clifton Square Village. About 17 years ago they moved to their current location, a 1920 Dutch-style colonial house on the corner of E Douglas and N Erie. Its blue trimmed windows peek through the foliage of neighboring trees.

When you walk in, you’ll see shelves of books on Christianity and Theological studies, most notably in the Eastern Orthodox tradition. I’ve never seen a bookshop with a section dedicated to Iconography.

Wichita, despite its size, feels like a small place. And with that cramped spaciousness, you’re likely to run into someone you may remember or who may remember you. Here I ran into my girlfriend’s 8th grade English teacher. A bald, bespectacled man with a gentle demeanor. After a bit of catching up, he said to us with a smile, “I hope all your dreams come true.”

The short story writer, Raymond Carver, once wrote: “Dreams… are what you wake up from.”

Wichita is a land that hypnotizes you; it makes you dream, dream of something beyond the miles of strip malls and airplane factories, beyond the shocks of wheat and windswept plains, beyond the doldrums and ennui. But it also shakes you awake, reminds you that you’re in it, that you better stop dreaming.

I’m not the religious sort anymore, having survived the regime laid down by my Catholic parents. But there is something enthralling, maybe even inspirational, when I look at the rows of beautifully painted portraits of saints and martyrs. Such solemn faces surrounded by golden halos. According to the Eastern Orthodox tradition, such paintings transcend art; they’re supposed to be windows through which you can glimpse the divine. They remind me of my grandparents with their judging eyes and moral seriousness.

My book haul for the day:

Snow Country by Yasunari Kawabata

The Diary of Anne Frank

Earthly Signs: Moscow Diaries by Marina Tsvetaeva

Near to the Wild Heart by Clarice Lispector

In that last book, I found this lovely little passage:

…”in the Revolution, as always, the weight of everyday life falls on women: previously--in sheaves, now in sacks. Everyday life is a sack with holes. And you carry it anyway.”

From Earthly Signs, P. 40

According to the 2019 United States census bureau, 15.9% of Wichita's population lives below the poverty line. That’s higher than the state average, which hovers around 11.4%. That’s not the lowest nor is it the highest in the country. As befitting its location, Kansas is right in the middle.

The minimum wage in Kansas is still $7.25 despite efforts to increase it to $15. When Covid-19 hit, city and service workers bore the brunt of the impact. You can keep all your empty slogans like  “We Love Our Frontline Workers.” Congratulate me all you want for my hard work but where’s my pay?

When you see that business here has returned to normal--people freely walking around without masks, no longer socially distancing--it still feels all too strange; we spent an entire year under lockdown. There’s still a pandemic by the way.

Loved ones fell ill, died alone, hooked up to ventilators in closed off hospital rooms. I believe every interaction now carries the weight of all those deaths. My family, like so many others, didn’t escape unscathed from the pandemic. My grandpa, Amang, caught Covid. Since he was an elderly citizen (and suffering from emphysema to boot), he was among those considered most at risk. We all feared the worst. Somehow he survived. The doctors called him a “trailblazer.”

Now, with businesses back to 100% capacity, I’m afraid that, just like the 1918 Flu epidemic, the past will fade like a nightmare upon waking. But it was so much more than that; it was an avoidable tragedy.

If you want to know what this pandemic has done to people and their livelihoods, is still doing to them, take a ride through downtown.

Things were already going bad before Covid hit. Back in 2004, the writer Thomas Frank wrote,

“There were so many closed shops in Wichita… that you could drive for blocks without ever leaving their empty parking lots, running parallel to the city streets past the shut-down sporting goods stores and toy stores and farm implement stores.”

What’s the Matter with Kansas: How Conservatives Won the Heart of America, P. 75

What led to all this blight? Frank attributes the decline to:

“the conservatives’ beloved free market capitalism, a system that, at its most unrestrained, has little use for smalltown merchants or the agricultural system that supported the small towns in the first place.”

-P. 79

The same story happens in a lot of places. A megacorporation keeps eating everything around it and leaves nothing else at the table.

The people are left hurting, a pit in their stomachs, and some asshole somewhere profits off of it.

While at the DMV, I overheard this:

“You have a good day now,” the security guard said.

“I’ll try my best,” a woman said.

My girlfriend heard them too and laughed.

“You really do have to try your best in order to have a good day here.”

At some point, we hit the town with a couple friends: Monica, and her boyfriend Will. Both are musicians trying to carve out their niche in a place that, on the surface, seems apathetic to creative pursuits.

It’s impossible to not be captured by their energy. As soon as we walk into their house, Monica, with her dark blonde hair draped over her shoulders, reached in for a hug. Will, a tall and bearded fellow with a bear-like presence, also went in for the hug.

“Ready to experience some Wichita nightlife?” Monica asked.

What is the nightlife here like? A group of high school punks wanted to fight us over a couple movie theater seats. Bored kids play rounds of “Chinese Fire Drill” at stop lights. I heard a nazi biker gang rolled into town at some point during my stay. Regular things like that.

At a low-key bar downtown called Luckys, I met a guy named Cory. He told me how he met a 15 year old kid loitering here, looking lost and forlorn.

“I don’t know what kind of advice I can give you but I’ll do the best I can,” Cory said.

This is the spirit I’ve often come across during my stay: A sort of slightly intrusive compassion. For a cynical Californian like me, the behavior seems a little strange, maybe even a little annoying. But I’ve come to appreciate the candor of it.

“Guaranteed we’ll know half the people here,” Will said.

Right away, he shook hands with the bartender—a high school friend of his—and asked him how his band was doing. Afterwards, we sat down and talked. Talking, after a year of pandemic lockdown, has become a lost art to me. But a little alcohol loosened the lips and suddenly I talked as though I’d known these people my whole life.

Will sipped his whisky on the rocks and told me:

“If everything in this world is meant to break down eventually, then any act of creation becomes an act of defiance.”

It may sound naive but to me, it’s true. I think about the words of the writer, John Berger:

Compassion defies the laws of necessity. To forget yourself and identify with a stranger has a power that defies the supposed natural order of things.

--The Shape of a Pocket, P. 179

Making art has to be, in some way, a compassion act, because it involves letting the environment and the people you meet speak for themselves, allowing a collaboration.

“When a painting is lifeless it is the result of the painter not having the nerve to get close enough for a collaboration to start… Every authentic painting demonstrates a collaboration.”

--The Shape of a Pocket, P. 16

You need to open yourself up, feel what someone is saying behind their words, and hopefully, feel what they feel.

Art, like Compassion, is defiant.

Among the 4 or so Asian markets here, you can find all the ingredients you need to cook up something good. During my first week, I stopped at a place called Grace Market. Like a lot of small Asian markets, it’s family run. A father from Taiwan. A mother from Korea. The son usually helps out when he can. Today (June 23), On this warm Wednesday morning, the son is manning the cash register.

“You’re from California? I’m from there too,” he said.

“Where at?” I asked.

“Sacramento. How about you? So Cal?”

“Nah, Bay Area.”

“Funny. That’s where my parents met.”

“Small world.”

On a different day, we met the father, a jovial man who never fails to say hi when you walk in. He came here over a couple decades ago from California, doing work for the US Army in Garden City. Once his service was over, he decided to stay in Kansas.

“I think you know why,” he said.

More and more young folks these days are leaving California. The high cost of living is presumably what’s driving this exodus. I told him I was also thinking of leaving the Golden State, as much as I love the place.

“Well, a town like this has a lot of potential if you want to save money,” he said. “If I tried to start this business in California, I don’t think I could’ve done it.”

The summer heat can, with the suddenness of a lightning flash, give way to thunderous storms. Speaking as someone from California, whose home has gone through excruciating periods of drought and wildfire, these nightly downpours are a startling yet relaxing sight.

The distant boom of thunder in the distance reminds you of how much of our lives depend on the weather, how small we are in comparison, how we are never separate from the goings-on of nature. The rain doesn’t come down lightly here. At night, it smacks and drums against the window pane with all the force of an animal trying to get inside.

But I don’t find myself frightened by it so much as awed by the combined power of wind and rain colliding against our rickety old house.

Kansas lies in the Great Plains, where layers of cool and warm air often combine into a low-level jet stream. Unimpeded by any natural obstacles on the wide flat plains, the wind roars across the expanse. Thunder growls over the prairie. And lightning flashes on the horizon in a fearsome red tinge.

The storm rages throughout the night, the only source of light in an ocean-sized plain.

“In general, the gods of the Wichita are spoken of as "dreams," and they are divided into four groups: Dreams-that-are-Above (Itskasanakatadiwaha), or, as the Skidi would say, the heavenly gods; and (2) Dreams-down-Here (Howwitsnetskasade), which, according to the Skidi terminology, are the earthly gods. The latter "dreams" in turn are divided into two groups: Dreams-living-in-Water (Itska-sanidwaha), and the Dreams-closest-to-Man (Tedetskasade)”

From The Mythology of the Wichita, P. 33

If you go downtown, you’ll see a sculpture called “The Keeper of the Plains.”

It’s almost 9 o’ clock when I get there, so large crowds have gathered to watch the ring of fire lit around its perimeter.

The statue was designed by indigenous artist and craftsman, Blackbear Bosin. Born in Cyril, Oklahoma, but living much of his adult life in Wichita, Kansas, Bosin was of Comanche and Kiowa descent and almost entirely self-taught as an artist.

When you come upon the Keeper of the Plains, standing tall on the fork of the Arkansas and Little Arkansas Rivers, you can’t help but feel a mix of admiration and sadness. It’s a striking statue, especially when set against the beautiful orange and lavender hues of the setting sun. But monuments like these end up reminding you of the Wichita peoples who were killed, displaced, driven from their land, and left to die in reservations, forgotten. The tribes that once lived here along the southern plains still show traces of their culture but now, you’ll see it mostly as a memory in a museum or as art hanging on the walls of a library.

I learned from a video by the Wichita Eagle that the last speaker of the Wichita language, Doris Jean Lamar, died back in 2016. It must be indescribably lonely to be the last speaker of a language. There is no one to have a conversation with, no one to whom you can confess your hopes or your regrets. But in the video, Lamar, even knowing that she is the last speaker, expresses hope that future generations will know what the language sounded like.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ScPkN_xGRI

Is forgiveness even possible when injustices are still committed today against native peoples everywhere?

Not enough can be said about the skies here, which seem at times so brilliantly marbled with peach and lavender colors that you begin to walk with your head perpetually craned upwards.

It’s this aspect, the overwhelming sense of the sublime, that will probably stay with me long after I’ve left Kansas.

I think again about the nature of dreams. It isn’t such a sin to dream about things, about things that haven’t happened yet, and about things that have happened. To quit dreaming seems too cynical, like admitting from the outset that everything is screwed, that you should stop trying.

During my stay here, I’ve met many people who aren’t so irony poisoned yet, people who are achingly sincere and kind. They haven’t stopped trying. There isn’t much room for cynicism here. I appreciate that a lot.

Farewell to you, Kansas, you and your clumps of cumulus and vast fields of cows and grass. I’ll see you again.

Check out Will’s music! It’s gloomy, melancholy, and LOUD!: https://teamtremolo.bandcamp.com/album/intruder

[tisthepoetl]

There are many stressors in a modern day lifestyle.

Usually these include the looming threat of death, the monotony of working for currency that stopped being useful years ago and deer.

There are so, so many stressed people. Made worse by the apocalypse that didn’t happen, the riots that most definitely happened, and the negotiations that have been “in progress” for the last few years.

The amount of rapid budget changes are stressing out some people. The amount of rapid cultural exchange is stressing people out. If you work in any field, any field at all, you are likely to be stressed as all hell.

Eventually, they have to pick someone on the ship to be shown as an expert negotiator. No one is prepared for this. Most of them are middle men, most of them don’t have a clue what they’re supposed to be doing, and all of them are panicking.

So they drew straws. The most important decision of all time is made by dumb luck, and honestly that’s a pretty good metaphor for everything happening right now.

Name someone on their haphazard crew and they will have a conflict of interest. Name one member and they will be grossly under qualified.

America has four ambassadors out of the eight chosen. Not because they’re the most presentable, or the most qualified, or the best possible choice, but because they overpaid for a privilege nobody wanted.

If all of this goes to hell they're getting the blame. And if they get the blame the only plan is to point at whoever was voluntold to be leader and pray for leniency.

Every part of this is a desperate attempt to stall before the actual powers back home have found a way to bullshit having any actual control of things.

It shows.

It really, really shows.

So, who was the unlucky scapegoat for the possible downfall of all of humanity?

If you guessed Samantha who wasn’t supposed to even be on this ship, you would be correct!!

Seriously, she was the back up for someone who was almost conceivably qualified. Sort of, if you squinted and ignored the fact they were only there via nepotism, only to be pulled out once everyone realized they were sacrificial lambs.

And then the replacement was also saved from this bullshit via bribery and blackmail and probably some other third sketchy thing she doesn’t know about.

So, here she is, Samantha who had planned on changing her name before realizing she wasn’t getting out of this. Samantha, the replacement for the replacement who was chosen by a lottery held only for the illusion of equal opportunity.

There are literally billions and billions of people whose lives will be affected by whatever she ends up doing. Countless children, parents, lovers and friends and siblings. All of whom would either die or live by whatever ends up happening.

Luckily, she has one coping mechanism which never fails: Repression!!

So she thinks about literally anything else. Thinks about her favorite song as the ship nears the giant towering shape of the Galactic Senate’s meeting place. Thinks about fluffy dogs as she is led by the hand through walls and portraits and treasures with descriptions she can’t read because there are no translators yet.

Thinks about her mother, thinks about her sibling, thinks about the fact everyone could literally die and it would be her fault, and wow she’s already here.

The meeting place has a mouthful name that she could only pronounce if she managed to dislocate her jaw, grow a new set of teeth, and get a proboscis. Everyone calls it the Meeting Place, because again, there are no working translators, they all have to rely on vague equivalents.

The Meeting Place is a moon sized ship, so incomprehensibly large that any species will be able to fit. It has a dock, and a large empty room with nothing in it except for alien leaders who could slaughter them all at a whim.

There are no chairs. The temperature is set to “Mildly unpleasant but liveable.” Unity and democracy means that everyone is equally uncomfortable, because this exact temperature is workable for most species.

Samantha feels a chill down her spine, both from the cold and the fact that so many of them are glaring at her. She is in the center, her crew is placed too far away to help her, and their borrowed ship is miles away from where they are now.

She prays to the gods she doesn’t believe in and hopes she can stall well enough for the clusterfuck back home to get their shit together.

“H…” she starts eloquently. She tries to refind where the rest of humanity’s first impression was stationed, but her view is blocked by the hundreds of giant aliens. “He..llo?” she finishes.

There’s a click, and she flinches back because what if that’s a weapon. A small cube clatters to the ground in front of her, before popping up and showing a hologram.

She would be visibly impressed, in awe, if it weren’t for the fact she’s half sure these diplomats could take any reaction as an insult.

She wouldn’t be able to explain herself either, it’s too early for any sort of translator to have been made, it’s too early for anything about human body language to be common knowledge.

The crowd surrounding her rustles, fins are raised and noises are made and colors are changed. It means something, probably, but she can’t tell what.

The hologram cube makes a loud, ear splitting sound, like a mix between a flatlining heart in a movie and a fire alarm going off. It snaps her out of her spiraling.

There are two large lines pointing at a screen that is pulsing with the most neon red she’s ever had the unfortunate luck of seeing. She stares at it, and realizes it’s a quiz.

Well, more like a shitty rushed powerpoint. Like something you would make in under an hour for the fun of it.

It says, “What Human Want [Ask],” and she has the sneaking suspicion that whoever made this wasn’t trying very hard. Underneath are barely recognizable butcherings of numbers, listing answers from one to three.

“1. Want hurt. Want no us. Lone want.”

“1nd. Want love. Want share. Want us help.”

“1rd. Want no meet us. Want late meet. Want lone.”

All of it is….confusing to say the least. At this point she doesn’t even know if this is a joke or not.

Then again this wasn’t supposed to be her job, she doesn’t understand them either, and maybe they were genuinely trying here. But then again there are so many of them, they probably have enough resources to make at least a dozen Earths and this meeting took multiple years to take place.

The red that flashed before flashes again, than flashes a disturbingly real fingerprint on top of the answers.

She presses the second one, and wills herself to not regret it immediately. Love, sharing, help, all of that sounds good.

Except what if the help is from humanity? What if their definition of help, share, love is killing everyone ever living and she just doomed it all?? What if it means—

“[Greeting] [Greeting Happy] [Greeting Love] [Greeting Happy Angry Bored] [Greeting (Deragotory)]” a voice drones through a translation of the crowd. Samantha wonders when this will be over, and if she’s going to die of anxiety before that happens.

“[Greeting Small Childish] [Greeting Sad Fear] [Greeting (Endeared)] [Greeting Pain Hurt] [Greeting Love Fear Pain]” it doesn’t stop, running through every risen scale and moving limb to translate some vague approximation.

The aliens have translators. The translators are awful. This is taking so much time, which is good for the mission of stalling and bad for Samantha’s sanity.

“[Species Name (Derogatory)] [Mother (Derogatory)] [Criminal (Deragot—]“ the whole crowd is making noise, some like barks and some like tweets and some like a monster out of hell.

And all of them seem to be arguing? Or insulting each other? Either way it continues on for a long stretch of time with nothing but noisy aliens and a robotic voice reciting nonsense that always ends in “(Derogatory.)”

“[Wrong: Too long.] [Wrong: Too fast.] [Wrong: No word Human.]” The sounds are longer, most of the crowd making them rising and puffing out to be bigger. “[Plea Slow.] [No Word for Our Word.] [New Local Child Pet Ally speak.] [No word for Our Word.]”

Samantha realizes once again, that she should’ve left when she had the chance. And never entered that stupid lottery.

“[I hate every single one of you.] [Stop! The Ally-New-Child-Local may hear.] [You are all stupid [Species Name]]” the noises transition into understandable sentences. “[The small Diplomat-Traveler will be confused. Stop.] [They are doing fine. They will not understand our words.] [When is that useless translator going to update, Myy-Rrr-Pl?]”

Humanity as a whole can only take so much. One human as a whole can only take so much. She is halfway to a mental breakdown, fully confused and honestly she just wants to go home. This is the kind of wonder she would love if she didn’t have to personally deal with the consequences.

So she goes the way of most unqualified, underpaid workers, and gives up. She isn’t going to scream or sabotage anything, but her ability to feel was already warring with the tempting concept of not giving a fuck.

She speaks, for the second time. “I can hear you. And I don’t much appreciate being called a child.”

“[.....]” the crowd is finally silent. She basks in the peace.

“[I told you to stop confusing the Ambassador.] [Shut up Myy-Rrr-Pl. You didn’t even get these made right, we had to make a presentation, that’s how awful you and your tech were.] [It's working now, okay?]” The peace was lovely while it lasted.

“Humanity wants, uh, to not be dead,” she says. “And to not be enslaved either. Or like used as food.”

“[Can you understand it?] [Of course I can, I’m the one who learned the language.] [You barely learned it. You put half that presentation into a free-use translator.]” they keep talking, keep barking, chirping, hissing over her. “[This is a disaster.] [It’s not that bad. My presentation went over well enough.] [Myy-Rrr-Pl shut your beak about that [intercourse (derogatory)] thing.]”

“CAN YOU BE QUIET FOR ONE SECOND??” Samantha shouts above the arguing ambassadors. There is only so much she can tolerate, the noise alone is irritating but the senseless, contextless bickering is unbearable

“This is ridiculous,” she continues. “I don’t even know what’s going on, none of you dropped us an explanation. Why can I suddenly understand you? Who the hell is Meer-er-pull? And what the fuck is going on?”

There is no more translation, and nothing to translate into constant robotic rambling. There is no peace in the silence, just an underlying tension as every alien in the room turns to stare her in the eyes.

She wonders if she’s fucked up, if she’s doomed literally all of humanity because she couldn’t tolerate it all and lashed out. There’s an apology on the tip of her tongue, but she can’t manage to push it out through the indignation and fear.

No one breaks the silence. None of them speak. Samantha’s momentary confidence wavers and she considers making a run for it before realizing there are more of those giant aliens stationed at every exit.

“[....Aumko, I think we may have [intercourse (deragotory)] this beyond fixing.] [Feces (Derogatory) Feces (Derogatory) Feces (Derogatory)—]” Luckily, it doesn’t sound like she’s going to be executed for this. Unluckily, the aliens are just as unprepared as they were, and it wasn’t going to get any less confusing, was it?

“[I told you [Anatomical Feature (Exapserated)] that we should’ve started with a smaller group of diplomats. Instead of a “proper” meeting with everyone involved, we should’ve picked one from each of the 3 species, then gone from there. That would’ve been—]”

“I’m not getting any less confused here!!” Samantha cuts off the alien. “I’m not getting any younger either, I’m sick of your childish bickering, get over it and give me an explanation. Please, for the love of god.”

There’s a moment of pause as the translator spits out a bunch of meaningful white noise. It takes a couple moments before one of the birds speaks up.

“[We should cancel this until another time,] the bird chirps. Which isn’t satisfying, which isn’t an explanation, but hey it does technically fulfill the mission of stalling. And honestly she’s taking any win she can get from this. “[We’ll meet up with one of their diplomats, in a less noisy location. They’ll meet with one ambassador from each of our species.]

“[That doesn’t make sense though!!] [How will we even choose?] [A smaller meeting would be a sign of disrespect, we must show that we don’t view the New-Ally as lesser.]” the noise starts up again immediately.

“[SHUT UP!!]” roars one of the giant bears in a show of irritation that she can relate to on a spiritual level. “[Myy-Rrr-Pl will serve as the [Error: No suitable translation]’s ambassador. I’ll be the second ambassador. The third will be Kss’ta.]

There are ruffled feathers, low growls, no outward arguments but no agreements either.

“[I will quite literally fight anyone who decides to waste my time any further.] the bear is...puffing up? The mane of fur around its neck is puffed up like the pelt of an angry cat. “[Myy-Rrr-Pl is the only one who can even half speak the language, and who has the most context. Even if her presentation was awful.]”

“[I’m going to be there personally to ensure this doesn’t happen a second time. And Kss’Ta is the only one of you [Species Name] [Intercourse (Derogatory)] who doesn’t argue around in circles.”

The crowd is unhappier than ever. The bear speaking sounds done with it all. Samantha is too exhausted to give a shit at this point, and just decides to be glad it’s finally over, for now.

“[Is everyone here agreed with me?”] it flares about the room, ears pinned flat to its head and mane big enough to engulf the whole of its neck. All of the crowd flinches back, no one argues too vehemently, though complaints are muttered.

The bear turns to Samantha. “[You have my apologies for my own behavior, and the behavior of these [Species Name (Derogatory)]. We’ll escort your ship back to your station.]”

Relief hits her in a mix of “it’s finally over,” and “thank fuck no one died.”

Everyone leaves, with the mission sort of accomplished, with the peace talk sort of working, and a compromise no one is happy with. Except for Samantha.

But then she learns she’s the ambassador for humanity again, and a piece of her dies at the revelation.

Humanity’s welcome to the galaxy was chaotic, idiotic, ill prepared, and an overall clusterfuck of literally galactic proportions.

At least no one died.

[bruh-haikyuu]

A miya osamu scenario where he’s having a quality time together with fem s/o in a quiet little coffee shop 💕💕💕 Thaaaaanks

A/N: miya osamu. your hand in marriage. now. ALSO SPOILERS IF YOU HAVENT READ UP TO CHAPTER 378 OF THE MANGA.

apricate. | miya osamu

word count: 2040

warnings: MANGA SPOILERS, slight hints of sexual content

(v.) to bask in the sun

The silver band wrapped around your left ring finger glittered warmly at the amber beam of light streaming from the tiny shop’s window. From behind the mosaic counter adorning the back of the cafe, the aroma of caffeine and freshly baked fruit tarts poured between the tables in the room. At this hour of the day, the establishment was unusually quiet, but you weren’t exactly complaining about that—

“Osamu, I wanna go home.”

You were almost apologetic that your husband was into his third sigh of the day. At some point of time, you would be the reason behind his slowly settling wrinkles. “Y/N, it’s only been 5 minutes since we’ve sat down.”

It wasn’t like he could blame you for it. You weren’t just upset, you were distressed. A parent to three rambunctious children, and you had left them with the family shop on their own. Though it was only for the day—and seeing that they had demanded that the both of you “go and enjoy your day off”—you didn’t get much of a wink of leisure.

“A-Are you sure it’s alright to leave Setsuko to take care of her younger siblings?” you rattled, a soft image of your precious ten-year old daughter forming in your head. “Oooh… what if Eiji causes her too much trouble and insists that he keeps workin’ instead of eatin’ ? And ‘Samu, did you remember to tell her where Kaori’s diapers are kept? M-maybe, I should call her just to check…”

As you unclasped your purse to look for your cell phone, your face paled at its obvious absence from where it should’ve been. When you looked up to meet Osamu’s lax face, his expression had said it all.

Raising your “missing” phone in his hand, he crossed his arms and shot you a smirk that said: I took precautions.

“Y’know, if Secchan’s been pesterin’ us to get out of the house for so long, she knows exactly what you’d do to her if we came back to the house up in flames. Plus, Eiji and I had a talk the other day about over-workin’ himself, so rest assured, he ain’t going to be doing that for a loooong, long time… And yes. I did tell Setsuko that Kao-chan’s nappies are on the bottom drawer of her room. ‘S all good. Anything else, Miya Y/N-san?”

Now it was your turn to sigh. “They’re my children, ‘Samu. Can’t help it.”

“Hey, I’m also a part of the family. Why ain’t I stuck on your mind all the time too, huh?” he said gruffly, a tone reserved to cheer you up whenever you needed it.

That’s right, you could never help it. They were your babies, the angels that were growing up too fast for your liking. It felt like it was just yesterday that your firstborn Setsuko, now at a double-digit age, was curled in your arms. Practically attached at your hip 24/7. The moment she’d bashfully asked you to stop plaiting her hair for her, you swore you could hear your heart shatter.

Moreover, it didn’t help that eight-year old Eiji (despite still being pegged as a “Mama’s boy”) was becoming more and more of a carbon copy of his father—too hard-working, but too oblivious. You weren’t one to scold your children about their grades, but with Eiji’s frightful progress at school, the lingering thought of your son saying that he’d consider dropping out of school to “be an adult” so Osamu would let him work full-time at the shop hindered you from any good night’s sleep.

But Kaori… Oh, your darling treasure Miya Kaori. Just a year old, fresh from your womb. Like so, “Kao-chan” was the apple of your older children’s eyes and the jewel of her father’s heart. The lone salvation of your livelihood was her innocent youth and you were desperately begging the gods to keep it that way. As soon as Kaori would start tying her own shoelaces and everything, you were sure you were going to turn into stone.

Your knees bumping under the picturesque, wrought iron table, Osamu gave you an endearing smile. “Relax. We have Fuji-san to keep an eye on ‘em in the shop, right? That guy’s got more nerves than his own body. If we’re worried about anythin’, it’s that the kids would get bored with him telling them to sit still.”

Your mind drifted to the thought of the young but unusually high-strung college student who’d been working part-time at the onigiri shop for two years. Osamu did make a point though. The bespectacled Fujiwara Chiaki was probably more dedicated to working than your own husband—a trait that he had likely passed on to your only son Eiji. The idea was concerning, but not to the extent where your head throbbed from it.

“They say if you think too much, you’ll grow old faster,” Osamu poked teasingly, while pushing a plate of a fragrant confectionary towards you. “You didn’t even notice that I’d brought back your favorite cheesecake.”

At the mention of the dessert, your eyes shot downwards to the platter. It looked just as sweet and luscious as it always did. From the first time you had it in high school as a “thank-you gift” from Osamu for helping him study for his exams, down to your wedding party where your friends had surprised you with an entire tower of it. You were sure Osamu would’ve been sick of tasting the velvety cream for 20 years and counting, but there was another suspicion you had that he’d feel gratified whenever he got it for you.

Holding out a forkful of cake, he said smugly at your twinkling gaze. “Open sesame, Y/N-chan.”

You didn’t hesitate for a second. When was the last time you got to enjoy yourself without any sniffles or pleading demands from your children? They’d inherited you and their father’s affinity for eating after all; a meal would never go untouched when it came to the Miya household. And if you’d brought this cake home, you know they’d bulldoze it down before you could grab a slice for yourself.

“So good…” you murmured, savoring the lightness of the dessert. Tangy and tethering on the border of being sweet and too sweet, this was indefinitely your next favorite thing after your family.

Osamu chuckled as you ate, tucking the loose strands of hair behind your ear. “Ain’t this getting too sugary for you? Y’know, I only gave you this the first time because I’d felt my teeth would fall out if I ate a bite of it.”

“You practically bribed me with it so I’d date you. If you think about it, you used this to bribe me into a lot of things!” your pout did not mask your amusement at all.

“Like how I used this so you’d finally catch a break from coddlin’ Secchan and have a better ‘time’ with your lovin’ husband? I’d say that it was a profitable compromise, my dear.”

You scoffed. “Profitable until you learn that having a second child was harder that you’d thought. How’d it feel tryin’ to feed Eiji the first time, huh?”

“It was a coincidence that Eiji just had to be a picky child growing up,” he shrugged. “Should I point out that you made it harder with spoilin’ him rotten, Mama Miya?”

You gave him your best, dramatized expression of offense. Oh, two could play this game. “Excuse you, Papa Miya. But who was the one who bought Setsuko an entire 50,000 yen-pretend kitchen as soon as she gave them one small tug on the sleeve?”

“C’mon, Y/N, you knew if I could afford it I’d buy it for her, no questions asked! The face she pulled when we brought it home could add ten years to my lifespan. There’s no way I would want to miss it,” his cheeks flared a vivid crimson. Hiding a snicker, you wondered how long it had been since you’d last seen that look on him.

“Miya Setsuko, the heiress of Onigiri Miya, already interested in the way of the stove at four years old! I couldn’t believe it. Ain’t she pretty darn cute in that apron we got in the set? Nah… that’s probably because Secchan’s pretty darn cute herself…” He was rambling now, eyes glossed over at the image of his daughter. Six years ago, she’d happily hopped into his lap when he’d finished tying up the frilly, daffodil-yellow apron, and gave him a hug that nearly pushed him to tears. Oh, how you wished you were there to see it.

“Osamu… Your gap moe* is showin’.”

“Oh, hush!” he spat, averting his gaze from yours as your leaned back on your chair, nearly doubling over in laughter. Though part of his face was covered by the large, ornate coffee mug, you knew he was smiling through and through.

The soft tinkling of the fake crystal chandeliers in your wake, your insides felt tingly in a way you haven’t felt for so long. What felt like hours, you spent talking with your husband about your little family, the shop, his brother (though this was quickly interrupted by another conversation about what Kaori’s first word would be), and all the things you’d never had the time to talk about since you were both so busy. It was just like high school all over again, only less melodramatic and more… wrinkly. But just as colorful as it always had been.

However, when Osamu fell silent, you knew something had gone terribly wrong. Setting down your fork, you leaned over the small table to observe his wallowing features.

“Osamu, what’s wrong? Are you okay?”

As if he was being forced to shove an entire rock down his throat, he whispered, “… I miss ‘em.”

You stared at him, then did a double take. “S-sorry, say that again? Didn’t hear you.”

With reddened cheeks, he repeated himself anyway. “ I miss ‘em! All this talk about the kids… I know it’s only been a couple of hours but I miss Secchan already! M-my baby. My princess. Y-you know what it’s like, right, Y/N?”

You felt like a colossal force had lifted from your back. Grabbing your husband’s shoulders from across the table, you shook him while exclaiming, “Me too! I miss ‘em too! God, the entire time I was wishing I was feedin’ this cake to Eiji instead of myself. The way his cheeks puff up when he chews something… I have to see it…! And especially—”

“Kao-chan.”

“Kaori.”

And just as the planets aligned, your cell phone that had been sitting in Osamu’s coat the entire time rang. Taking it out of his pocket, he showed you the screen, displaying the name of the caller. Fujiwara Chiaki.

With your husband pressed close to your side, both cramped on one dainty seat of the cafe’s chair, you listened closely to the other side of the phone. “Hello? Fujiwara-kun?”

Chiaki’s meek but strangely jovial voice responded through the speakers. “Ah, Y/N-san, you picked up. The children wanted to speak with you about something. I think you’ll like this—”

“Chiakiii! You’re takin’ too long on the phone~ Hi, Mama! Can Papa hear me too?!”

Looking at your husband, you exchanged a smile. Eiji. Leaning his head on your shoulder, he cooed at your son. “I’m right here, Eiji.”

“Great! Because we have some ultra, big, super, important news to tell you—!”

A pop, a crackle and Eiji’s exuberant voice turned into Setsuko’s huffy, light one. “Eiji, Mama and Papa put me in charge so I’m gonna tell ‘em! …Mama, Mama, Mama, you won’t believe what happened!”

“Oh? What happened, Setsuko?” you giggled, heart softening at the lilt of your daughter’s voice.

“Kao-chan said her first word today!”

Literally swiping the phone from your grasps, Osamu, practically gleaming from the announcement, excitedly quivered as he spoke. “R-really? She did that, Secchan? What did she say? Was it ‘Papa’ or ‘Mama’?”

“Hmm… I think it was—”

“Second thought, don’t tell us. I want to see and hear it for myself.”

That was your cue. Unravelling your right arm into the air, you shot the waitress your biggest smile. “Check, please!”

══════ ⋆★⋆ ══════

Glossary:

gap moe - when someone does something that is the complete opposite of their habits

[gladlychaddy]

Lately it's like I'm no longer alive

Laying in my bed, staring at the ceiling

No fire in my eyes

No ignition or a spark to light this darkness of mine

I'm in the darkest corner of this cold room

And I don't want to survive.

Every morning I open my eyes

But don't move in the slightest

The park outside is empty

And the sun ain't the brightest

Today is dull and grey like yesterday and all those before

Yet everyday I look at the same shit but I still wonder what's in store...

For me, it's like the world is filled with leeches because I've been feeling drained

And the wind is filled with whispers,

This breeze is driving me insane

My heart has more scars than me

But I guess I can't complain

I thought what we were was strong enough, but I guess I'll take the blame

I'm alone again

I find it strange because

I feel like I'm at home again

Sorry if I don't attend this party

But I need a friend

Sorry if I say something's that hurt you it's not my intent

I just want to find some love

Instead my heart wants to take revenge

The way my chest feels broke and old

It's no wonder why I've felt so dead

I fell in love...

But I lost myself in this descent

I forgot who I am, am I worth much?

How much did I forget?

I swear it's like I always break down in tears

When no one is near, because I have nothing left!

This cold heart turns my tears to snow

Hold out your tongue and you can taste all of my regrets

And once my tears turn to a blizzard

Everything I've done! I think I must repent

Take me back to church!

Because I'm cursed with this broken heart in my chest

Because I always see her face

Someone save me before it's

too late...

My winter days are all the same

Hoping for a paradise when the cold plays

But maybe a message from a friend could keep this heart warm

But it's inevitable...

Because I could be in the centre of 1000 people

And still feel as lonely as ever

What a twisted heaven...

So I'll just sit somewhere that's peaceful

The only place I know

The path that leads over the horizon

Where I can sit in silence

With my head in both hands

So all my emotions can break through the walls I built to hide them.

On this same bench...

This same bench I sit on to gather my thoughts

Is the same bench I sat on where I cried for my loss

Which is the same bench where I watched the amber spotlight fall under the hills,

And I watched the stars shoot across

I've seen the burning sky fade into the night

Giving these beautiful stars a chance to shine bright

Helping me forget my issues,

Helping me feel... just fine

Just for now

I look down from these stars

Looking over this town

This city of bright lights from the moving cars

Help me feel like I belong

Because there are days I don't want to hold on

I don't mind where, but send me to somewhere beyond

Somewhere I feel accepted

Somewhere I can get a response, that can last a lifetime

Send me somewhere I can feel less alone

Send me to a place I can finally call my home

Because I'm tired

I am sick

I am terrified!

of being on my own...

I hate my voice

Why do I continue to try

All the music I've been making

Maybe I've been wasting my time

I'm trying to get ahead

But I keep tripping over these regrets

All of them are shackled to my ankle

And I can barely take a step

Like I'm trying to make a living

But I'm sprinting with these anchors!

So maybe I should stop my singing!

And I was never cool enough to be a rapper!

I ignore so many calls,

Sorry I was busy breaking down

But I'll stop that for a minute

So you can tell me what you're doing now

Who? Me? Nah! I ain't done much

I've just been busy that is all

I'll tell you next time

But next time will never come around!

So now I'm back here yet again

In a bed filled with all my emotions that I leave behind

Shattered memories, pieces of my heart, some forgotten pieces of my mind

Two rings that sit on top of a wet pillow

Each ring holding a promise

And the pillow holding when those promises are broken.

But this isn't just about me

This is for anybody who is torn

Anybody who would set themselves alight

Just to keep somebody warm

And all the sacrifices you made

Because they made you feel reborn

I swore to you

Forever and always!

Every second of

every 365 days

You gave me hope

And set my heart ablaze

You left me in the ashes of all your lies

You had me getting third degree burns from the moment we got engaged

So is it me?!

Am I desperate?!

Did I cling too soon? Am I to blame?

My heart is reckless!

I always fall into this pit that we call "love"!

That's why I'm helpless!

Because nobody can stop a broken heart

From finding comfort and save it from always falling apart!

Love & life is precious!

Never let someone come along and bore a hole where your chest is

I heard the lights will guide you home and fix you

They'll only lead you to your death bed

Had a chat with a wiseman but didn't listen to a sentence

Because I had a devil by my side, taking control of all my senses

Using this broken gullible heart against me

Used the biggest shard of depression as a weapon

Now my mind and soul has this overwhelming pressure

One more crack and this whole thing might be over

When will I understand my lesson?

Who am I?

What am I?

Wait...

I understand it now

It is me!

I am flawed!

I am broken!

I guess I can't ever fix this body of twisted emotions!

I can't go back in time!

I can't call those I had cut from my life.

I can't apologise

I'm never tough on anyone other than me!

I can no longer close my eyes and dream, of a perfect world where the girl I love is laying beside me!

So no more lies.

No more burning bridges just because there's a fire in my eyes!

No more days where I'm unhappy to see the sun

I believe in myself more

My voice is better than I thought

My guitars and awards, hang on walls because I'm proud of what I've done!

What I've become!

Who I am! But I just can't!

Because the world rips open my eyes again!

And all I can see!

... is a ceiling...